Loneliness After Being Betrayed
Feeling Alone Status, Messages and Short Quotes About Loneliness
Feeling Alone Status : Most often people fall in great depression during loneliness. Feeling alone is a reason of being isolated from others and when anyone being more self-centered. When some too close betrayed then it’s really create burden and loneliness.
Here we are going to share with you some Best Feeling Alone Status, messages, short quotes and captions about loneliness which will be your company during this kind of situation.
Just scroll down and you will find the best compilation about feeling alone which will help you to express your deep loneliness.
Extremely Feeling Alone Status
Feeling lonely, however, is not a direct cause of being alone. It’s possible to feel lonely in a crowd.
I hate when people say they miss you, but don’t make a effort to speak to you or see you.
I will wait till the day I can forget YOU or the day you realize you can’t forget Me.Sometimes people have to cry out all their tears, to make room for a heart full of smiles.
I keep telling myself that I don’t miss you, and that I don’t love you, hoping someday I’ll believe it.
Sometimes in life it’s good to be Alone… so that No jackass can hurt you.
No one can ever take away the loneliness you left me with!
Black Friday Bowling’ Because those pins look A LOT those bitches in front of me in line this morning.Loneliness is the human condition. No one is ever going to fill that space.
Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.
The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It’s the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared.
I’m tired of everyone telling me about their special person when I desperately want one of my own.
Watching a romantic movie and getting pissed off about your non-existent love life.
Alone, all alone Nobody, but nobody can make it out here alone.
Feeling Alone Video Status
Loneliness is a part of you life. It teaches us that we are not complete in ourselves.
I have taken life on the sad side, and it had helped me to understand many many failures, many utter ruins.Loneliness is the human condition. No one is ever going to fill that space.
There are two types of people in the world: those who prefer to be sad among others, and those who prefer to be sad alone.
Touchy Feeling Alone Status
You can’t be lonely if you are in company of the person you’re alone with.
It isn’t the bad memories that make you sad, but the best ones that you can’t bring it back.
Loneliness is a part of you life. It teaches us that we are not complete in ourselves.
Why does it always have to be the one that you love the most hits you the hardest?
One day you’ll find someone who doesn’t care about your past because they want to be your future.
You May : Lonely Statuses and Messages
The worst feeling is not being lonely. It’s being forgotten by someone you could not forget.
People say never give up, but sometimes giving up is the best option because you realize you’re just wasting your time.
It sucks how some people use you when they need you and then they put you aside you didn’t even matter to them from the beginning.
Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.
I close my eyes, Cover my ears, I’m scared. Pinch my arms and say, It’s just a nightmare.I hope one day you find someone who makes flowers grow in even the saddest parts of you.
sometimes it’s hard to keep on going, especially if it’s without you.
The most painful memory.. when I walked away and you let me go.
Also Read : Sad Status
I’m tired of everyone telling me about their special person when I desperately want one of my own.
Usually, people think that I’m a strong, happy person but behind my smiles they just don’t know how much I’m in pain and almost broken.
I sometimes feel people enjoy me being this way, that they’ve won or are superior to me. Enjoy it then, I hope you’re happy now.
And if you lonely girl I could be your only friend. You got some shit to say I suggest you hold it in.
Short Loneliness Quotes and Sayings
Possessiveness comes when there is fear Of losing A loved One, not Because they don’t trust U.
Life changes in just an instance whether its good or bad you need to embrace the change and make the best of it.
This explains my love for books and my major perfectly…F. Scott Fitzgerald is pure perfection!I’ve endured the worst times alone. I don’t need anyone. If you’re in my life, it’s because I value you and want you there.
When I feel truly alone, with a sense of being lost, even empty inside, it is then I realize I have unknowingly moved away from God, so I move back.
Whenever you are stressed,eat chocolates,sweets etc, because when stressed is spelled backwards it becomes ‘DESSERTS’.
Standing alone doesn’t mean I am alone. It means I’m strong enough to handle things all by myself.
Never let little things such as what you were wearing that one day affect you, because in the longer run looking nice only gets you a inch of the way.
For my girls!! ?? May they ALWAYS feel Your presence but especially when they feel sad or lonely! A Prayer When You Feel Lonely.
I’m tired of getting my hopes up for things that will never happen.
Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life’s cruelest irony.
Sometimes it’s better to just quietly and privately miss someone than to let them know and still be ignored..!Forgive me for my mistakes, I’m still a kid learning the responsibility of being an adult.
Read More : Alone Status for Whatsapp
Loneliness is never more cruel than when it is felt in close propinquity with someone who has ceased to communicate.
It’s very easy to hurt someone and then say “sorry” but it’s really difficult to get hurt and then say – I m fine.
Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for.
You always say you hate to see me hurt, and you hate to see me cry. So all those times that you hurt me, did you close your eyes?
Feeling Alone Status and Messages
No words to define my status right now!
I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up all alone, it’s not. The worst thing in life is the end up with people that make you feel all alone !
Don’t trust too much, don’t love too much, don’t care too much because that ‘too much’ will hurt you so much!
A broken relationship would make you feel more lonely than when you were single.
Being SINGLE is a good feeling, no drama, and no heartaches. But, sometimes it gets lonely and you miss that feeling of being taken.What is the point of you trying to get back in contact with me when you really have no interest or when you feel you cant be honest with me?
Being alone does not mean you are lonely, and being lonely does not mean you are alone.
Sometimes all you ever want is someone to want and need you as much as you want and need them.
It hurts the worst when the person that made you feel so special yesterday, makes you feel so unwanted today.
It must be really sad to not be able to do something you love as the years go by.
I’m feeling a little lonely and unloved…I think I will go to the airport and go through a TSA pat down just to get a little action!
Almost every time someone hears my voice they leave, I am feeling it tonight!
Need More : Being Single Status
Why I turn on the TV: 10% to watch shows. 90% to use it as background noise so I feel less lonely while I’m on the Internet.
A thousand words couldn’t bring you back… I know this because I tried, neither could a thousand tears… I know this because I cried, you left behind a broken heart and happy memories too. but I never wanted memories. I only wanted you.
Sometimes when I say – I am okay. I want someone Too look me in the eyes Hug me tight and say – I know you’re not.
The only way is to move on, because if you don’t you’ll be suck where you are.
Dear, we hope that you have find these feeling alone status helpful. Though it’s hard to control thyself during this kind of circumstances but you may try some Inspirational Uplifting Quotes and famous motivational sayings to get relief and strengthen yourself.
9 Steps To Dealing With Betrayal And Getting Over The Hurt
This 5-star rated book can help you get over a betrayal.
Click here to read the reviews.
You’re feeling betrayed. Someone you care about, perhaps even love has broken the bonds of trust and done something that cuts deep at your heart.
What do you do? How can you get past this betrayal and heal? Will you ever be able to forgive them for what they have done?
Whether it’s a betrayal by a family member, best friend, partner, or someone else entirely, the steps you might take to get over the hurt caused are roughly the same.
1. Name Your Feelings
Betrayal is an act. The emotions that result from it are what we mean when we say we’re “feeling betrayed.”
In order to start recovering from the act, you must be more specific about the feelings it has given rise to.
Some of the more common ones you might encounter are:
Anger – you’ve been hurt and one of the most natural feelings in such situations is anger. “How dare they?! How could they?! They’ll pay for this!”
Sadness – you might become very low, weepy even when you discover a betrayal. This might be because you feel a sense of loss; a loss of trust, a loss of the person you thought they were, a loss of the happy memories you have of them, a loss of the future you saw with them.
Surprise – yes, you are probably shocked to find out that this person or persons have betrayed you. You might not have had any inkling that this was ly.
Fear – you may worry about the consequences of this betrayal. It might mean major upheaval in your life and these unknowns scare you.
Disgust – you can’t even bear to think about it or them because it makes your stomach churn.
Insecurity – you may question yourself and doubt whether you are worthy of love and care. After all, the person who betrayed you clearly felt you weren’t.
Shame – you may blame yourself and feel ashamed by what has happened and how others may now see and treat you.
Loneliness – this is your betrayal and nobody else’s. “How could they possibly understand?”
Confusion – you may simply not be able to comprehend what’s happened? None of it seems to make any sense to you.
It is an important step to identify what it is you are feeling at any given time. You may feel many or all of these after a betrayal – most ly a few at a time and swinging back and forth as you process them.For instance, surprise and confusion might be the first things you feel, which then give way to anger and disgust or sadness and fear. You may then return to surprise tinged with shame.
There won’t be a clear or uniform progression from one to the other, but rather a turbulent maelstrom of emotion.
2. Resist Retaliating
With some betrayals, you may experience an overwhelming urge to retaliate.
You may be feeling angry about what happened and you may feel they deserve punishment, but rarely is this ever a productive endeavor.
If there’s one way to prolong the hurt and delay the healing process, it’s by plotting and planning your revenge.
Consider the analogy of betrayal as a cut or gash in your bodily flesh. A scab soon forms over the wound, but there is often a desire to prod it and pick at it. It’s itchy, it’s sore, and you feel the need to do something about it.
Yet, you know from experience that the more you touch and pick at a scab, the longer it stays and the more ly it is to leave a scar.
Retaliation is a bit picking a scab: it’ll only uncover the wound once more and cause you further pain. And the more you do it (even the more you think about doing it), the more ly you are to carry that pain with you for the rest of your life.
Resist the temptation to get your own back. The feelings will eventually fade and pass and you’ll be glad you held off from inflicting similar suffering on your betrayer.
3. Take Time Away
When you’ve been betrayed by someone, the best short term solution is to avoid them as much as physically – and electronically – possible.
That means not seeing them, not messaging them, not checking their social media every 5 minutes.
I know y’all love an analogy, so here’s another one for you: think of those feelings we talked about above as being fuelled by a fire. At first, the fire burns strong and the feelings glow white hot in the flames.The most combustible fuel for that fire is contact with the one(s) who betrayed you. Thus, in order for the fire to burn out, you must stop adding fuel to it.
You must take some time away and break ties with that person.
Now, if they try to contact you (and they probably will), you can just tell them in a calm manner that you need some time and space to deal with what they’ve done. Ask them to respect your wishes and leave you be.
Your emotions will eventually begin to fade as the fire becomes mere embers. Now you’ll be in a much better position to think clearly and process the events and decide what to do next.
4. Examine The Betrayal
People do hurtful things for all sorts of reasons and it might help for you to think about how this betrayal came about.
Was it carelessness? Was it caused by weakness? Or was it a deliberate, conscious act?
We all sometimes say or do something in a split second and instantly regret it. A careless act of betrayal such as revealing personal information someone told you in confidence is no doubt hurtful, but it is somewhat forgivable.
It can be easy, when involved in a conversation, to not be 100% focused on the importance of what you’re saying and things really can “slip out” by accident.
Of course, the greater the significance of the information, the less easy it is to believe that your betrayer revealed it by mistake. Some secrets just don’t come out naturally in conversation.
The next level up from a careless betrayal is one that comes about due to someone’s weakness.
Some people find it incredibly difficult to control certain urges, even if they have promised you that they would.Addictions are a good example of this. You may, for example, feel betrayed that a partner or family member has said they will give up drinking, only to find out that they’ve been doing it behind your back and lying to you about it.
Other people may find it almost impossible to keep what you tell them confidential. They just have to talk to someone about it, perhaps as a means of processing their own emotions on the matter.
It still stings when you find out, but perhaps you can have some sympathy.
Then there are betrayals that are plain and simple deliberate acts, either of malice or of heartless indifference.
Perhaps the office gossip overheard you talking about a particularly difficult time in your life, and they proceed to tell anyone who will listen about your private business.
Or maybe your partner cheats on you, a family member belittles you in front of your children, or a business partner reneges on a deal you had agreed.
These acts are taken consciously with little consideration of how you might feel.
Understanding which of these is most true in your case can help you to overcome the negative emotions and move past the incident.
You may also (article continues below):
5. Examine The Relationship
Someone you care about has hurt you, but just how much emotional pain are you in?
It all depends on the closeness of that relationship. After a betrayal, you’ll probably find yourself asking just how much that person means to you.
Betrayal by a friend who you’ve drifted apart from and who you now see no more than once or twice a year is going to feel very different to betrayal by a spouse or parent who is very much a major part of your life.
How much you value the relationship will determine whether you choose to keep that person in your life or ditch them for good (which we’ll talk more about later).
6. Talk To A Third Party
In these situations, it can help to talk through the incident and the feelings you have about it with a trusted confidant.
It can be cathartic to express your emotions outwardly and tell another soul what is going on inside your head and heart right now.
The crucial thing, though, is to talk to someone who is able to remain fairly, though not entirely, neutral.The reason for this is that they will be able to offer honest advice and constructive feedback about your plan for dealing with the situation.
What you don’t want is a yes man or woman who will gee you on as you bitch about your betrayer and add fuel to that fire we spoke about earlier. This may feel good at the time, but it will not help you work through your feelings.
7. Reflect On Things
When the dust has settled a little bit and your feelings are less raw, you might benefit from a period of introspection.
This is a time when you look inward and try to understand the betrayal, the aftermath, and the longer term consequences in your life.
You might want to reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, immediately after you were betrayed and consider how you might try to avoid similar situations in future (or act differently if you do encounter one).
To get the most benefit from this, some psychologists suggest that you focus not on asking why-based questions, but what-es instead.
The theory, as summarized nicely in this article, goes that asking why something happened or why you felt or acted in such a way, keeps you trapped in the past, ruminating over events.
It may also instill a victim mentality whereby you focus on what has been done to you and who is to blame for it.
What, on the other hand, is a more proactive question: what am I feeling, what are my options, and what will really matter most 5 years from now?These are all forward thinking questions that can lead you away from the betrayal and toward a place where you can heal and recover.
So reflect, by all means, but try to make it productive reflection that doesn’t dwell too much, but seeks to move on.
8. Speak To The Person Who Betrayed You
This is a big step and one that requires some guts and determination to take. But what do you say to someone who has betrayed you?
Well, when you feel ready, it is worth speaking to them and communicating how their actions made you feel then, and how you still feel about it now.
One crucial tip is to structure what you have to say in a way that focuses on you and not them. This way, you can avoid putting them on the defensive and keep the conversation amicable.
So, start your sentences with “I” and try to stick to the facts. Saying, “I felt shocked and angry when you…” is better than saying, “You betrayed me by…”
Be specific. You should have a handle on all the different emotions that you experienced if you named each one as we advised above; use these words to convey the impact this person’s actions had on you.
Not only that, but be specific about what it was exactly that hurt you the most. Is it that you no longer feel able to trust them, or have their actions caused repercussions in other parts of your life?Put it all together and you might say, as an example, “I felt very ashamed, alone, and scared when you let slip about my pregnancy to our colleagues – it has put me in a difficult position with the boss and I’m worried about my future job security.”
If it helps you to put your thoughts and feelings into words, you might also consider writing a letter to those who have hurt you. You can either give it to them to read, or read it out to them. This is especially useful if you get flustered in situations where you have to confront someone face-to-face.
9. Cut Ties With Repeat Offenders
Whether you choose to forgive a betrayal and maintain the relationship will come down to a lot of things: the severity of it, how much you value the relationship, and the way the betrayal went down (see point 4), among others.
One thing to bear in mind, however, is whether or not this was the first time they have done something this to you – or indeed to other people you may know about.
If someone has hurt you before, or if they have form that you are aware of, you should strongly consider whether keeping this person in your life is best for you (and best for other important people in your life such as children).
Generally speaking, the second strike will put so much more strain on the relationship and your interactions with each other that it is best to call time right then and there.
A third strike or more and you’re straying into the territory of enabling them. Reach this point and they will think they can betray you and get away with it.
When you feel betrayed, it’s not something that can be dealt with too quickly. You need time to process everything that has happened and this will vary depending on the specific events.
At first, you just have to do your best to cope with the storm of emotions inside while maintaining some semblance of a normal life. After all, you still have responsibilities to take care of.
In time, you’ll find you overcome the initial shock and start to heal your emotional wounds. As you recover from the ordeal, you’ll think less and less about it, and the emotions surrounding it will be fade.Eventually, you’ll be able to consign the betrayal to your past… at least for the most part. You may never be able to let go of it entirely, but it will no longer affect your life in any great way.
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When You Have Been Betrayed by Monica A. Frank, Ph.D
“To be betrayed, the person must first experience trust in the betrayer…
…when they do hurt us, we then have the awareness that this other person has the capacity to hurt us.”
Betrayal is probably the most devastating loss a person can experience. To be betrayed,the person must first experience trust in the betrayer. It is fairly impossible for you to be betrayed if you did not trust the individual in the first place. Therefore,the definition of betrayal involves the act of someone violating your trust in them.
The betrayal I am discussing in this article refers to a variety of forms of betrayal. For instance, a child is betrayed when he or she is abused by the parents who are supposed to love, support, and protect the child. A spouse is betrayed when their partner has an affair.
Betrayal is when someone you trust lies to you, cheats on you, abuses you, or hurts you by putting their own self-interest first.
Betrayal as loss. Betrayal is probably the most devastating loss a person can experience. Notice that I am using the term “loss” to describe the consequences of betrayal. In our society, we have trouble understanding the concepts of loss and grief.
We understand that when someone dies we experience loss and grief, but frequently we don't recognize the other forms of loss that we may experience in life. Loss can be losing a person through death. However, it can also be losing a part of that person such as through illness.
When a spouse develops Alzheimer's, for instance, the healthy spouse may experience loss of companionship or loss of emotional support.
Loss can also involve things that are less tangible such as trust. When an individual is betrayed by someone, they lose trust in that person. In trusting another person, we believe that they won't hurt us; when they do hurt us, we then have the awareness that this other person has the capacity to hurt us. Therefore, we have lost something very important to the relationship.
Purposeful Aspect of Betrayal. The reason that betrayal is the most devastating kind loss is because most often it is a loss that didn'thave to occur.
It only occurs because of someone's deliberately hurtful behavior, or their carelessness, or their own personal weakness. Un a loss such as death or illness, there is usually some sort of choice involved.
The person who was betrayed believes that the choice was wrong and preventable.
Loss of the Illusion. Even more confusing, however, is that sometimes loss can be the loss of an illusion. Frequently, we develop in our minds the way we think things “should” be.
However, reality doesn't always correspond with the demands that we put on life, ourselves, and others. Therefore, sometimes we are hurt when we have to face this reality.
For instance, imagine children who grow up in the fortunate experience of having parents who always put the needs of their children first. But what they don't know is that their parents are unhappy together.
Those children become young adults and are confronted with their parents telling them that they are getting a divorce. Frequently, those children feel betrayed by the illusion of the happy family they always thought they had. Suddenly they are confronted with a hurtful reality.Another example is that a man marries a woman and thinks of her as a virtuous, moral person. Later he finds out that she had numerous sexual encounters prior to their relationship.
He has lost his concept of how he thought of his wife.
He feels betrayed even though she didn't do anything to break her committed to him; his sense of betrayal is the loss of the illusion of how he thought of his wife.
However, even if the betrayal is the loss of the illusion, the grief is very real and needs to be dealt with. Sometimes this is hard to do because the person is told and believes that they shouldn't feel so strongly about something that was not an actual betrayal of them. So with this type of loss a person is often tempted to move on too quickly without resolving it.
What is the process of grief?
So, given that betrayal is a loss, it is necessary to understand the process of grief in order to deal with having been betrayed.
Most often, when people have been betrayed, they have overwhelming emotions which are so intense that they are unable to make any sense them.
Therefore, if you have been betrayed, you need to understand what these emotions are and why you are experiencing them before you can really take any action.
The theory of grief is that it involves several stages: shock/denial, bargaining, anger, sadness, and acceptance. Frequently these stages may overlap, or one may be experienced more intensely than another, or one might be so shortly lived that it didn't seem that it was part of the experience.
However, the most important part of this theory is that it is not possible to reach the final stage of acceptance without having moved through the prior stages. Sometimes people will get stuck in one of the early stages which prevents them from moving on.
It is even conceivable for someone to be stuck in one of thesestages for years.
Denial Stage of Grief. Most commonly people want to avoid the experience of grief because the emotions are so intense. So they will engage in avoidance behaviors. These can be compulsive, additive behaviors such as abusing drugs or alcohol, over-eating, or gambling.
These types of behaviors are escapes from emotions. People also escape emotions in other ways such as obsessive reassurance-seeking, questioning, or dependency. Or people might just avoid the situation altogether and write the other person their lives.
These are only a few of the most common ways people avoid the grief process.
The Anger Stage of Grief. A common stage where people become stuck, especially with the issue of betrayal, is in the anger stage.They become so focused on the wrong that was done to them that they never fully experience the other emotions such as the sadness due to the loss of the relationship. Other times, people become stuck in the denial stage by becoming so focused on forgiveness.
They are so quick to want to resolve the issue that they deny the full experience of the anger and sadness involved in the loss.
WHAT SHOULD YOU EXPECT WITH GRIEF WHEN BETRAYED?
1) Denial/Shock. The first stage of shock or denial is when you are initially confronted with the betrayal. You may feel numb or feel someone just punched you in the gut. There might be a tendency to disbelieve the betrayal.
For instance, if you hear it from a third party, you might tend to ignore it or even get mad at them for making things up. This stage, however, is usually fairly short especially if the individual acknowledges the betrayal and the loss.
It may be longer if someone has an issue with feeling anger; then they might want to try and dismiss the seriousness of the transgression or try to focus too quickly on forgiving the transgressor.
2) Anger. Once the betrayal and loss is fully acknowledged, the individual is ly to feel intense anger. This is a very delicate stage because this is when many things can go wrong in the process.
Primarily, it is critical to recognize that the emotion of anger is perfectly okay, but our actions that are influenced by anger may not be okay. For many people, when they are first hurt and react with anger, their inclination is to retaliate, to hurt the person who hurt them.
There is nothing wrong with feeling this way, but it is best to not react during this stage. It is better to work fully through the stages of grief and then decide how you are going to react. Even if it takes a number of months to work through the grief, it is better to wait than to regret rash actions.
Now, this doesn't mean you have to be completely passive about your anger. In fact, it is okay to tell the person, “I am so angry right now that I can't think straight. Before I do anything I will regret later, I need some space to process this.”
Venting Emotions. During the time of anger, the betrayed person needs to vent. The tendency is to want to vent with the person who hurt you as a form of retribution. However, it isn't really a safe way for you to vent.
The transgressor is going to be dealing with his/her own issues and is most ly to respond defensively. Therefore, it is only ly to lead to escalating anger. You need to vent to someone who will listen and validate your anger without feeding your anger.
For example, you want someone who will say, “I can understand why you are angry” but not someone who says “He's really scum. You should throw him out.” Therefore, it is often best to talk with a trusted but unbiased friend.If that's notpossible, a minister or a therapist can help you through this process.
Write Grief Letters. Another way to vent is to write out your feelings. You can even write a letter to the person who hurt you. However, it's not usually a good idea to send these initial letters to the transgressor because it may not reflect the final outcome for you.
A letter format is frequently helpful in working through the anger stage of grief because it feels as if you are talking to the person and able to vent without having to regret it later. This is also a good method for people who have trouble getting in touch with their anger.
Also, you need to recognize that especially if you aren't venting the anger, you are ly to misplace it, feel generally irritable and angry, and are ly to take it out on people who haven't really done anything to you. Finally, with anger, recognize that it is okay and necessary to release the anger physically.
However, it is not okay to physically violate someone else. Therefore, find a physical release such as hitting a punching bag or breaking old pickle jars (in a safe way so as not to get hurt).
3) Sadness.As you work through the anger, you should begin to come to a point of sadness. The sadness is experienced when you begin to recognize the full extent of what you have lost. You begin to think about the good things in the relationship that you miss.
You think about the shattered trust and knowing that you can never get complete trust back. Once someone has violated our trust, we can get to a point where we can continue the relationship with them, but we will forever know that they have the capacity to betray us.
During the time of sadness, you need to release those emotions just as you needed to release the anger. Again, you can write how you feel. Or you can imagine telling the person the hurt you have experienced and the loss of the relationship that grieves you.
And, of course, it is okay to cry.
4) Acceptance. The grief process is a healing process. It was built into our systems to help us cope with the numerous losses we experience in life. If we trust the process fully, we will heal. Trusting the process means allowing the feelings to be what they are, whatever they are. Feelings are never wrong or bad.
What we do because of feelings can be wrong or bad, but that is a choice. The feelings themselves are not bad. Therefore, they won't hurt us. They help us in healing. If you trust this healing process, you will finally get to a point of acceptance. This is the point where decisions can be made and action can be taken.At this point you are able to think clearly about the situation and decide what is the best course of action to take. And, of course, that action will vary depending on the person and the situation. You may decide that a continued relationship with this person can only lead to more hurt and is not worth the effort of trying to sustain a relationship.
Or you may decide that there are too many good things in the relationship to give it up.
WHEN SHOULD YOU FORGIVE A BETRAYAL?
Many people ask how to know whether or not to forgive and continue with the relationship. I can give you some of the questions to consider for this issue but I can't give the answers because each person needs to determine for him or herself what is right.
1) First of all, is the behavior a continuing behavior or does the person recognize the hurt they have caused and are trying to change the behavior?
2) Also, does the individual want forgiveness? To want forgiveness the person has to see the behavior as wrong and not intend to engage in it any further.
3) Was the transgression justified anger and the person regretted acting so rashly? Did they learn from this behavior and are unly to do it again?
4) How long have you know the person? Is this typical behavior or is a single instance?
5) Have you talked with the person and they have accepted responsibility?
6) Was the behavior intentional or was it related to the loss of an illusion (as described above)?
7) What makes this relationship worth the forgiveness?
8) Do you need to forgive so as to move on in your life without the bitterness? However, thisdoesn't mean you have to continue the relationship.This article only touches on the surface of all the emotions involved with betrayal, grief, and loss. Hopefully, however, it will give you some ideas about putting it into perspective and workingthrough the stages of grief in order to determine what you want to do regarding the betrayal.
Coping with the Pain of Loneliness After a Breakup
“Relationships are glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than hurt yourself trying to put it back together.” ~Unknown
I am at a phase in my life right now where I’m struggling with loneliness.
It means that most of the time, I feel a deep sense of disconnection from the world around me and the people I share it with.
The mere fact that I am writing this in the small hours of the morning, deafened by the ear-splitting silence of an empty flat, unable to sleep, simply emphasizes this point to me even harder.
The empty flat in question is mine. And the situation in which I find myself was not part of the plan that I had envisioned for my life at this moment in time.
Everything that was once familiar has now changed.
It was during the end of summer of last year that I split up with my long-term boyfriend. We had begun our six-year relationship stepping out into the big wide world, side by side, doing the grown-up thing of getting our first place together.
It was new and exciting. The future looked promising. And to be fair, it did work, on and off, for a respectable number of years.
However, fast forward past the cluster of good times and the occasional happy holiday, and I found myself having to face up to the heartbreak of a damaged relationship. In particular, the daunting prospect of sharing my future with another human being who, in essence, I just did not feel a connection with anymore.
I could choose to spend my days feeling alone, on the surface still part of the relationship, but deep down feeling emotionally detached and distanced from him.
I could patiently wait for the days where I felt an element of hope—the momentary optimism that everything would turn work out okay for us in the end. I could even reason with myself that this is only a rough patch in our relationship, just a little blip in the overall bigger picture.
Or I could face up to the truth and accept the glaringly obvious: it was over, unfixable, and time to move on.
For months my thoughts were in constant battle. The laborious task of trying to make things work seemed it was set up to be life-long endeavor. Neither of us had the enthusiasm anymore. It seemed we had simply lost the passion.
In the end, we knew what was coming. It was time to call it a day, move on, and go our separate ways.
Here is what I’ve learned about dealing with loneliness:
Feel your emotions
When you strip away a big part of your life, you feel exposed, empty, and vulnerable.
During the time after my breakup, I experienced deep feelings of unshakable loneliness. And I still suffer with these feelings from time to time.
However, I have learned that masking those uncomfortable feelings (my escapism being alcohol and meaningless dates) only leaves the pain unattended for a while longer.I started to understand that I needed to accept my loneliness as a true emotion. It would not just softly fade away, no matter how hard I tried to numb my feelings or look for distractions.
As you experience your emotions, you start to feel lighter. Give them the time and space they need to be fully expressed. Write down your thoughts. Talk about them with someone. Acknowledge that they do exist and that what you are feeling is very real to you.
Trust that the pain does eventually lose its intensity, making room for you to experience a sense of calmness and clarity amidst the difficulties.
Listen to your own advice
I have indulged in my fair share of self-help books over the years, ranging from detailed accounts on depression, self-esteem issues, and more recently, tips and tricks on beating loneliness.
These stories may offer a few moments of fleeting comfort as you flick through the pages. But they are not able to take the sting the raw emotions that you experience first-hand, such as during those times when you are sitting alone, feeling fed up and isolated from the world around you.
Therefore, I have learned to take only the advice that works best for my own mind, body, and spirit, and leave the rest for someone else.
Maybe you are someone me who prefers to stay at home, enjoying a book, watching a film, or having a bath rather than getting “out there,” meeting people, and forging new relationships.
Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break, making space during those times when you need to rest and restore. Go at your own pace. Understand that you are your own best teacher. And only you will know when it feels right to take the brave step your comfort zone into the unknown.
Realize there is nothing to fix
We know the world is a busy place, crammed full of busy people with busy lives.
But that doesn’t mean we need to rush around trying to mend everything that is seemingly wrong with us all of the time.
While learning to stay with uneasy emotions, I realized that I didn’t need to find a speedy resolution for the difficult feelings. It’s okay to feel lonely; it’s just one of our many human emotions.In fact, it was a relief. There was no need to force myself to search in all the wrong places for the solution anymore. I am certainly not the only single person in the world. Why did I feel that I needed to fix this aspect of my life so soon? It wasn’t even broken.
Try and enjoy the freedom that comes from being detached. Appreciate the opportunity to gain introspection on yourself. You may even discover new interests or familiarize yourself with old forgotten hobbies now that your life has shifted focus.
Accept how it is
Accepting that there is nothing wrong with how I am feeling gave me the grace to relax. There is no problem right now; therefore, there is nothing I urgently need to attend to.
I know that eventually life will change again; it always does.
How I am feeling now may not be a true reflection on how I feel in a few weeks, months, or years’ time. And I trust that I will stumble across whatever it is I am looking for at some point again in the future.
Right now, though, I am experiencing my life as it is, complete with its bundle of thought-provoking emotions that come as part of the package.
I have learned to accept that this is just another passing chapter in my story, purposely placed here to keep life interesting and meaningful.
It may not be a highlight, but it is still part of my life. And I can live with that.
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