For Wisdom In My Relationship With My Boyfriend
My Boyfriend hates me what should i do?
We all end up in tiffs with those closest to us, such as family, friends and boyfriends. Sometimes we are to blame, sometimes they are.
The important thing is to figure out what happened and how to resolve it.
Below you will find some reasons why your boyfriend might have come to hate you for certain things (though he still loves you for others or he wouldn’t be with you) and what you can do about it.
Maybe you broke up with someone else recently and is still processing it. Maybe you have a tendency to compare the now with the “then” without even realizing it. Maybe you have a great relationship with your ex and still talk to him on the phone every day as his friend.
Whatever it may be, if you bring up your ex, your current boyfriend can start feeling inferior to him.
Whilst you don’t see it that way and therefore don’t understand why your boyfriend is upset, try to refrain from talking about your ex for a while.
Also make it clear that whilst you might still be processing a past relationships, or be friends with your ex, it’s not him you want. You want the man standing right in front of you.
You Keep Putting Him Down
We are all guilty of putting our boyfriend down at some point or another – whether we joke about his poor cooking skills, or compare his abs to those of Chris Hemsworth, there comes a time when we say something offensive, even if it was just in jest.
Sometimes we get a habit of doing this too much. Maybe we think we’re just having a laugh. Maybe all the other girlies are joking about their men too in front of them. Maybe you sarcasm. The truth is still that your man wants to be appreciated.
Especially in front of others.
You Take Him for Granted
There was a time when you ran home from work to see your man, came up with exquisite date nights, cooked for him, gave him massages and dressed up from head to toe to try to impress him.
Nowadays you have so much on your mind with your career, your social life has exploded, your family needs you and you tend to see your boyfriend a bit here and there when time allows. In other words, you’ve started taking your boyfriend for granted.
You love each other, so there’s no need to do anything for the relationship, is there? Of course there is! For anything to be good it has to grow and develop.
You’re Always There
Just as annoying as never being there and taking him for granted, is always being there. He needs time for his hobbies, his friends and his family. Without you there. People need space to be themselves. You fell in love with him for who he was and the life he led, so don’t try to take that away from him by being everywhere. He needs time to miss you.
You Control Everything
You book his dentist appointments, you make sure he remembers his mother’s birthday, you choose his clothes for work, you insist his birthday is celebrated the way you want it to be celebrated and you pick the furniture at home. The only thing is, he’s an individual. If you remove the individual there’s nothing left. Sooner or later he will ly come to hate you for it as well, as people want to be loved for who they are, not who you want them to be.
You Don’t Need Him
As couples we should complement each other; help balance each other. However, some women have gotten it into their heads that if they show any sign of needing their man to do anything for them, they’re inferior. If they can’t reach the thing on the top shelf, they climb a ladder. If they can’t open something, they use forceps.
If their bags are heavy, they get a trolley. If they get scared when watching a horror movie, they turn on the light. Because low and behold they can do that. It’s just, asking someone for help ever so often doesn’t undermine your ability. We get it, you can do anything. That doesn’t mean you have to.
Especially if there is someone next to you dying to show his manliness. He wants to give you his jacket when you are cold, even if he knows if you start jogging you will be fine. He wants to hold the door for you, even if he knows you are strong enough to hold it yourself. He wants to show he can do something for you.Even if he knows he doesn’t need to, as you are a strong independent woman, he just wants to spoil you when doing it and feel you appreciate him for it.
Just let him feel you need him. A little bit. So that he can feel he’s actually giving you something more than cuddles.
Here’s the thing, men think that they need to please you. If they aren’t sure whether they did or didn’t, they don’t know if you are truly happy with them and they start feeling unhappy with themselves. Tell him he’s a sex God. Just do it.
You Flirt with Everyone
If you are the catch, he will be so happy to have gotten you. If you shine when out at parties and men look twice as you go by, because you radiate confidence and warmth, he will feel such a stud. However, if you invite all the men to flirt with you when out, as opposed to showing him off to the world, well…he won’t be that happy, even if he’s the one you walk home with.
Show him off when you go out. Be proud to have him by your side. The prouder you are, the better he will feel.
He’s Just Grumpy
You feel your boyfriend hates you, but you don’t know why. You’ve tried all the above – you’re showering him in compliments, you show you need him, you take time out for him (whilst also having time for yourself), you let him run his life, you don’t talk about your ex and in general things seem fine, apart from that grumpiness. So what’s wrong? The best way to find out is to ask him.
You Ignore His Wishes
Whenever you ask what he thinks, you disregard what he says and go ahead with what you were planning to do anyway, without acknowledging his thoughts. You need to learn to compromise ever so often.
You Air Your Relationship with Everyone
If you tell everyone and their dog about your man and exactly what is going on in your relationship, he might end up a bit grumpy unless he’s as open about things as you are.
A relationship requires work and we often do things unintentionally that piss off other people, including our boyfriend. We need to learn to ask, as well as watch how he reacts to us to find out what works and what doesn’t.
Communication and relationships, anything else, is an art.
It’s not about pleasing someone constantly, but rather just as saying please and thank you, there are ways of doing things in a manner that’s respectful and where the other person feels appreciated.
The 5 Top Giveaway Signs Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship
So your ex is gone – and he left you with a broken heart. Then, to add the horrible cherry to this already terrible sundae – he’s already started another relationship.
How could he be ready for something new so quickly? He can’t have moved on that fast.
The common wisdom here says he’s in a “rebound relationship” – and it’s common because it’s usually correct. And that’s good news for you, because rebound relationships sometimes mean your ex wants to get back together with you.
But if you’re not convinced, and you want to know the top signs that he’s in a rebound relationship and not something real, you’ll find all the answers here.
Even though at first blush it might seem he’s found something real – he’s putting in an effort in his new relationship, the girl he’s with seems totally different from you, and he “seems” over the moon – there are some telltale signs that will give away the truth.
Take The Quiz: Can You Get Your Ex Back Or Is He Gone Forever?
Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Can You Get Your Ex Back” Quiz right now and find out if you can get your ex back or if he’s gone for good…
The point of this article is to stop you from driving yourself crazy trying to analyze every little thing he does to try to figure out whether he’s left you behind or whether he’s just trying to get over you, or whether your ex secretly still loves you.
Even though your instincts might be telling you he’s moved on and left you behind, these clues will let you know that he’s not as over you as he appears, and this new “real” relationship might be just another rebound (and you’ll be able to get your ex back a lot more easily than you might think…)
This is the quickest sign that he’s in a rebound relationship and not something real.
If it’s only been a week or two and he’s already jumped headfirst into a new relationship – chances are it’s a rebound relationship. Nobody moves on and finds someone new that quickly.
(Of course, if he cheated on you with another woman and started dating her right after you broke up, it might be more serious than a rebound.)
Other than that situation, the easy rule of thumb is that the longer he waited, the less ly it is to be a rebound relationship. It’s more ly to be real if he waited a few months before dating again, as opposed to a few days or weeks.
Everyone works differently – and some people might be totally comfortable jumping into a brand new relationship right after ending an old one, so this sign isn’t a 100% guarantee one way or the other.
Take it in conjunction with the next signs to find out the truth.
Rebound Relationship Sign #2: How Long Has His New Relationship Lasted?
This is a sign you can use to narrow down the probability that your ex is in a rebound relationship very quickly.
Simply put? The longer they’ve been dating someone new, the less ly it is that it’s a rebound.If they’ve only been in their new relationship for a few weeks, it’s way more ly that it’s a rebound relationship. Conversely, if they’ve been dating this new person for 8 months or longer, it’s much more ly that it’s real, and not a rebound.
Note that it’s way more ly that it’s a rebound if the relationship is new, not that it definitely is a rebound. You can’t tell for certain if it’s a rebound relationship if they’ve only been dating for a few weeks, but you can tell with a very high probability that the new relationship is serious if they’ve been dating for a year or more.
Rebound Relationship Sign #3: Who Did He Go For?
One huge sign to look for to tell if he’s in a rebound relationship is the woman he started dating right after you.
If she’s absolutely nothing you – that’s a big sign that it’s a rebound relationship rather than anything serious.
Why would he pick someone that’s the opposite of you? The answer lies in a common human behavior: overcompensation.
You know how when someone is secretly insecure, they act over the top arrogant on the outside to cover it up? Or, when a guy buys a huge expensive car, it’s sometimes to compensate for something else he wishes was huge? (wink wink)
The same mechanism is at play here. Your ex is overcompensating for the pain of your breakup by deciding to date the exact opposite of you. Obviously, if things with you didn’t work out, it’s because he should be dating your opposite, right?
Wrong. Just other forms of overcompensation, this eventually comes around to sabotage him, and he winds up unhappier than he was before.
Watch The Video: Signs Your Ex is in a Rebound Relationship After A Breakup (How To Know For Sure)
This is a huge sign to look for – it gives you a ton of information about whether your ex is in a rebound relationship or not.
Here’s the sign: if it seems your ex is moving super-fast in their new relationship, it’s a strong sign that their new relationship is a rebound.
This might seem backwards at first. After all, if things are getting serious very quickly in your ex’s new relationship, doesn’t that mean that things are real?
Counter-intuitively, it actually means the opposite. Let’s look at why.It’s helpful now to look at the reasons why people get into rebound relationships. The point of a rebound relationship is to get over the pain of your last failed relationship, and to try to replace the comfort, intimacy, and happiness that you lost when your last relationship fell apart.
When you’re in a good relationship, it leaves you feeling more confident, happier, and generally way better than when you’re single. However, when a relationship ends, all of a sudden that source of intimacy, happiness, and contentment disappears from your life.
This leaves a yawning black hole in the center of your emotional well-being. You’ve suddenly lost the support of your partner, something that your mind and your emotions has taken for granted while it was there.
When this happens, it creates horrible emotional turmoil and unhappiness. (Obviously, this isn’t a complicated statement: break up feel really really bad).
For a lot of guys, facing the pain of the breakup is too much. They emotionally “panic” and look for any way to stop feeling the pain of loss of intimacy and support as soon as possible.
So what do they do? They get into a rebound relationship, of course!
What does this have to do with the speed their new relationship progresses? Everything.
As your ex settles into his new rebound relationship, it’s going to lessen the pain of the breakup. The immediate need for connection and support will be met.
However, when he’s alone, he’s still going to feel the lack of connection that he had with you. The new relationship won’t give him everything that his past relationship did, and that’s going to cause him emotional pain.After all, the intimacy in a relationship of 3 weeks could never compare to the intimacy in a relationship of 3 years.
So when he feels that lack of connection and intimacy, he works to manufacture it in the new relationship. That means that instead of letting the relationship take its natural course, he pushes it forward, moving faster than he normally would and escalating the relationship more quickly.
This is why when you see your ex get into a relationship that’s moving really fast after you breakup, it’s a great sign that it’s a rebound, and not something more real.
Rebound Relationship Sign #5: How Is He Acting Towards You?
One of the easiest ways to tell if your ex’s new relationship is real or rebound is to watch how he acts towards you.
If he’s rubbing it in your face, or otherwise making his new relationship about you (rather than about his new partner), then it’s a huge, extremely glaring sign that it’s a rebound relationship.
After all, if he’s going to the trouble of rubbing his new relationship in your face, he’s obviously not over you. And if he’s not over you, why is he getting into a new relationship?
Because it’s a rebound.
If he’s going his way to make sure you know how happy he is and how well his new relationship is going, that’s a huge sign that it’s a rebound relationship that’s being staged for your benefit (or against your benefit, as the case may be).
However, if he’s hiding the new relationship from you, and going to an effort to make sure you don’t find out about it, that generally means one of two things.
The first option is that he wants to make sure you don’t find out so that if things don’t work out with the new woman he still has a chance with you. This would point towards it being a rebound relationship, and not something real.
However, if you’ve had drama filled fights and crazy things happen between you in the past, he might be hiding his new relationship to avoid that same drama.Basically, take a look at what happened between you during the breakup, and whether anything crazy happened ( either of you stalking each other, or acting crazy, causing drama, or whatever).
If it was a pretty mild breakup, and neither of you has ever acted the stereotypical “crazy” ex before – then his hiding it could mean that it’s a rebound, and he wants to get back together with you in the future.
But if it was a crazy, blowout, nasty breakup, with drama filled craziness on either side, then he’s probably just hoping to avoid future drama, and it’s probably not a rebound.
So Either Way, What Should You Do?
Whether he’s in a rebound relationship or not, the best thing you can do is to follow the master plan to getting your ex back.
It will give you the best possible chance at getting him back, regardless of whether he’s in a rebound relationship or not.
One important thing to remember is that if he’s in a rebound relationship, even if he doesn’t wind up staying with her every day that he’s not with you it becomes less and less ly that you’ll get back together. That’s because his feelings for you will fade every day you’re apart, until your chances with him become zero.
If you want him back, you need to take action right now to make him see you as “the one” and desperately beg you to get back together with him, and to do that you need this secret formula that gets your ex back in your arms for good.
Don’t wait until it’s too late discover it now: Do You Want Your Ex Back? Use This To Get Them Back…
And if you’ve got any questions about rebound relationships, leave them below – I’d love to answer.
Want to find out if you can get your ex back? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Can You Get Your Ex Back” Quiz right now and find out if you can ever get him back or if he’s gone for good…
These Are The 5 Signs Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship
- How quickly (or slowly) he got into a new relationship after your breakup
- How long his new relationship has lasted
- What kind of person he got into a new relationship with
- How fast his new relationship is moving
- How he’s acting towards you while he’s in his new relationship
4 Lessons About Love and Long-Distance Relationships
“Distance means so little when someone means so much.” ~Unknown
People tend to think long-distance relationships are one of the hardest possible ways of loving someone. I live in one: As a young European, I am deeply in love with my African boyfriend who pursues his career in Asia.
I met my love about two years ago. After dating for a few months and sharing a wonderful time in an Asian country, we split up, as he had many doubts about things that seemed to separate us. At this point in time, our differences seemed to be too wide to merge them into a happy, long-lasting life together.
This period was very painful for both of us. After one year—when I had already returned to my home country—he approached me again, explaining how wrong he was, and asking for a second chance.
I didn’t know what this implied, but my heart was saying wholeheartedly yes as I was confident the differences weren’t stronger than our love. My heart felt embedded in his, and I still loved him deeply.
So we started fresh again—this time with an extreme distance between us.
The first months felt easy, as the bliss of being back together melted the distance away. Even though different time zones and tight budgets influenced our ways of communication, it only mattered that we had found our way back to each other.
We missed each other dearly; but there was a certain peace with the reality. I could feel him being on the other side, thinking of me and being in love with me. This was all I could ask for.
However, I knew this serenity would come and go; frustration could kick in eventually and challenge us. Around one year and two visits later, the downsides of the distance did indeed knock me off. I missed my boyfriend during days and nights, and fear crept in.
What if this would lead us only to a big disappointment?
My mind dug through tons of questions and my world felt not as open and wide anymore. We knew we would need to deal with lots of issues if we wanted to be together—ambitious career paths and different work/life-balances, immigration papers, money, languages, intercultural differences, a worried family on my side.
It‘s not easy to keep up with the constant uncertainty of the future, and I often feel tired of external factors that hinder us.But it has also dawned on me that I can’t make myself the victim of circumstances. We need to keep putting our heads up high and take the distance as our current external state that shapes us but will change eventually.
I don’t deny we live on two different continents, and can‘t have breakfasts in bed or spontaneous weekend trips to the sea. But I always wished for a wonderful man with a beautiful character who loves me for who I am. Now I got my wish—just totally my comfort zone.
I’ve learned some lessons along the way—and they may help even if you’re not in a long-distance relationship:
It‘s important that you speak, listen, write, fight, and laugh with your partner about everything that’s meaningful to you. I use different channels for communication, and surprise my honey from time to time with a postcard, a colorful photo, or an unexpected call.
We don‘t hear from each other every day; sometimes we can‘t Skype for days due to clashing schedules or bad Internet connections. This is annoying but okay.
We remember to respect the other person‘s schedule and space; we don‘t expect the other one to be available all the time. I think it’s important to keep it light to a certain degree so that there’s no need of constant (virtual) presence that would be draining at some point.
Also, I feel much better after sharing my struggles with my boyfriend; it’s a way of being honest and authentic. Make yourself a team in this. If you take on challenges together, it’s easier to handle the physical distance, and you get closer and surely learn a lot about each other.
Even if you aren’t miles apart, you want to find the right balance of interaction, and spice up communication with surprises here and there. You want to handle challenges as a team and become closer through them.
2. Challenge your doubts.
I can‘t make the distance define my feelings for him. It is what it is, and we can only do our best today in loving each other, and work toward a life together with patience and faith.
Distance doesn‘t kill love; doubts do. Therefore I give my best in choosing love over doubt.
Sometimes I’m not strong enough and let fear creep in. Then I share my frustration with him, talk to a close friend, or do something uplifting just for myself.Then the feeling of love comes back on its own and laughs gently on my worried mind.
Every relationship faces challenges, and doubts may plague us sometimes. It’s our mind that causes doubts, so we’re the ones who can choose to take on a different perspective.
I’m not suggesting oppressing worries (that may be reasonable in unhealthy relationships), but I’d to encourage you to choose a positive outlook when it’s healthy, instead of blocking yourself with limiting thoughts or labels.
3. Become clear about who you are and what you want.
If you love whole-heartedly it’s easy to put the other one on a pedestal and treat him/her a superhero.
In a long-distance relationship it may even take more time to realize the other one is just as human as you.
Keep learning from each other, and don’t be afraid of discovering the flaws or challenges the other one may have. Try to first see what it is in you that makes you irritated, and exchange thoughts about it calmly and respectfully.
Always keep curious and ask lots of questions. Be willing to open up just as much.
Also, talk about where you want to head together and how you want to live. It’s important to create a vision together to know you’re on the same page.
As long as you respect and love your partner, you will always find a way to deal mindfully with conflict and disagreement.
4. Spend quality time together.
You don‘t need to talk every day. Just make sure the time with each other is well spent. Laugh a lot.
Try to treat the distance as a friend, not an enemy. Be creative, play with the technical possibilities—celebrate occasionally with a dinner on Skype, watch a movie via shared screen, or dance to some good music. Your joy about sharing those day-to-day things may be very high, as you do not take them for granted.
Visit each other as often as you can, and spend time just the way you want. Save up money for visits, split costs, and plan activities you want to do together. This is crucial for you as a couple, and it refuels the batteries.Even if you see your loved one often, you still need to consciously choose to spend quality time together.
I’ve learned that physical distance does not equal emotional distance, and there is so much to explore. It’s really what you make it.
The point is to not deny the hard parts, but also to not feel paralyzed by them.
These are just a few ways to find strength and happiness in a committed long-distance relationship. What’s your biggest love challenge, and how do you overcome it?
Photo by garryknight
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