For Strength During An Unwelcome Divorce
Divorce is a legal proceeding governed by state law that terminates a marriage relationship. Divorce is referred to in some states as dissolution of marriage. Once a divorce is final, parties to a divorce are free to remarry.
Grounds for divorce vary by state statutes, with some states allowing divorce fault and no-fault grounds.
Examples of fault grounds for divorce include physical or mental cruelty, adultery, attempted murder, desertion, habitual drunkenness, addictive drug use, insanity, impotency, infection of one spouse by another of a venereal disease and imprisonment for a specific amount of time.
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Parties who wish to obtain a divorce without assigning blame or guilt may seek a no-fault divorce.
Some states require a period of separation prior to obtaining a no-fault divorce or require that irreconcilable differences or incompatibility exists between the parties for a particular period of time resulting in the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage.
Parties may obtain a divorce without the counsel of an attorney, but may need to seek legal advice for complicated cases. Divorce actions can be uncontested or contested depending on whether the individuals agree on the terms and conditions of the divorce, such as property division, maintenance or spousal support, and child custody, visitation and support issues.Residency requirements for filing for divorce in a particular state vary by state statutes, but usually require that at least one party to the divorce be a resident of or establish domicile for a particular period of time in the state where they wish to file for divorce.
Some states allow a simplified divorce process called a summary divorce or dissolution to parties who meet certain requirements, such as having a marriage of short duration, having no children, having minimal marital and separate property, and having waived the right to spousal support.
Some states only require that the parties prove in writing that they have agreed to all significant issues, such as property division, support and issues relating to the children of the marriage.
The procedure for obtaining a divorce begins with one party filing a petition or complaint of divorce with the family court or civil division of the county or district branch of the state superior or circuit court. The party filing the petition is usually referred to as the plaintiff or petitioner.
The petition or complaint sets forth the parties’ names and addresses, the location and date of the parties’ marriage, the names and ages of the parties’ children, the grounds for divorce and the parties’ desires regarding property, support and issues relating to children.
The petition or complaint may also include requests for temporary orders relating to financial obligations, occupation of the marital residence, alimony, custody, visitation, and child support.
The petition or complaint must be legally delivered to or served on the other party according to state requirements to provide notice of the divorce, along with a summons requiring a response or answer to the petition or complaint. The person served with the petition or complaint and the summons is usually referred to as the defendant or respondent.
He or she must answer within a specific amount of time acknowledging receipt of the petition or complaint and either agreeing with the petition or complaint or setting forth his or her disagreements. Failing to answer the petition or complaint is the equivalent of agreeing to its terms and a default will be entered against the defendant respondent.The parties to a divorce must share financial information with one another, including documents detailing each party’s assets, liabilities and income in order to properly divide property and establish amounts of support. Couples often reach a settlement regarding such issues by negotiating privately or entering mediation.
If the parties reach a settlement, they can present it to the judge who will determine the parties’ intent and understanding of the agreement. The judge will issue a divorce decree if he or she approves the settlement agreement setting forth the parties’ agreement to various terms of the divorce.
When a court is determining the divorce terms, it may take into consideration fault of the parties and any prenuptial or postnuptial agreements. If the parties cannot reach a settlement agreement or if the judge does not approve the parties’ agreement, the parties go to a trial to determine the contested issues of their divorce.
Typically, only a judge will hear a divorce trial, but the parties may have the right to seek a jury trial. state law and evidence presented at trial, the judge will decide the outstanding issues and grant a divorce judgment.
If the parties do not agree with a judge’s decision regarding their divorce, they may file a motion to modify the divorce judgment or appeal to a higher court.
A divorce decree provides for distribution of property and debts, spousal support payments, as well as custody, support and visitation of children of the marriage.
When a party cannot agree on the process of dividing their property and debts, the court will distribute the property according to either state community property or equitable distribution laws. In several states, property owned equally by both parties is considered community property and is divided equally between parties to a divorce.
In these states, each party retains his or her own separate property. In most states, however, the court distributes property and debts equitably or fairly according to equitable distribution principles. Marital or community property usually includes all the income and property acquired during the marriage.Non-marital or separate property includes property obtained prior to the marriage, gifts, inheritances or awards made to and kept separate by an individual party during the marriage and property purchased with a party’s separate funds.
The court may award alimony or spousal support to one of the parties to a divorce who has fewer financial resources.
The support award can be many factors, including the fault of the parties, the higher-earning party’s ability to pay, the lower-earning party’s age, physical, emotional and financial condition, earning capacity, educational level and vocational skills, length of time needed to become self-supporting, custodial responsibilities, standard of living, financial and non-financial contribution to the marriage, and the duration of the marriage. Spousal support may be considered temporary or rehabilitative and enforced only for the amount of time it takes the lower-earning spouse to become self-sufficient or permanent, if a party will ly not ever have the ability to support himself or herself. Most states allow either type of spousal support to end upon a change in circumstances, including the remarriage of the lower-earning spouse.
If parties to a divorce who have children of the marriage cannot agree on custody and visitation rights, the court will decide these issues the best interests of the children. Typically, one parent will receive physical custody of the children, allowing them to reside with that parent most of the time, and both parents will share legal custody of the children.
Parents with legal custody can make important decisions, such as those relating to the children’s education, religion and medical care. Joint custody results in the children spending an equal amount of time with each parent, while split custody allows one parent to receive custody of one or more children and the other parent custody of the remaining children.
In determining the best interests of the children in an award of custody, the court will consider several factors, including the children’s preference (if the children are of a certain age), age and sex of the child, children’s development and progress in school and other activities, which parent serves as the children’s primary caretaker, the parents’ mental and physical health, religious beliefs, stability of home environment, relationship with other members in parents’ home, support the parent will provide the child in interacting with the other parent or the children’s family, abuse by a parent and the lifestyle of a parent, including drug or alcohol use. In certain situations, persons other than parents may obtain custody of children, such as grandparents or other close family members. Some states consider such persons guardians of the child.
The court will also award a non-custodial parent visitation rights, either through a reasonable visitation schedule left to the parties to establish or a fixed visitation schedule. Parents who have a history of physical abuse or violence may only receive rights to supervised visitation, requiring another adult to be present during the visits with the children.
Grandparents of children of divorced parents may also seek visitation rights when the parents of the children divorce or when one or both parents die.Some states have enacted restrictive visitation statutes for grandparents only, while others allow visitation by persons other than grandparents, including foster parents or stepparents, even when the parents have not divorced or died.
Finally, a court will set forth the required amount of income to be paid by the non-custodial parent for the support of the children. Federal law requires all states to implement guidelines for determining child support.
The guidelines consider the income of the parties, the number of children and the needs of the children.
Although the formulas set forth in the guidelines are used to calculate a specific amount of support, parties can request that the amount be modified due to certain circumstances, such as the parents having joint physical custody of the children.
wise, parties can seek modification of child support orders a change in circumstances, such as an increase or decrease in income, child’s needs or cost of living.
When a party fails to pay child support, a child support withholding order or wage deduction can require that the amount of child support be automatically deducted from the party’s paycheck. A party may face state and federal penalties for failure to meet child support obligations, such as having his or her tax refunds collected, property seized, being imprisoned or fined for being held in contempt of court or having his or her driver’s license or other professional license revoked.
Locate many different types of Divorce forms and packages at US LegalForms, including Uncontested No-Fault Agreed Divorce Forms for Persons with No Children, Uncontested No-Fault Agreed Divorce Forms for Persons with Adult Children, Uncontested No-Fault Agreed Divorce Forms for Persons with Minor Children or Minor and Adult Children, Separation Agreements, Divorce Worksheets, and much more.
Information and Resources
Divorce Definitions, for divorce-related terms, as well as Law Digests for general divorce information, child custody, child support, grandparents’ visitation, and separation agreements and Q&A Services for various divorce categories are all available at US Legal. USLF also offers Document Completion/Preparation Services for many of its divorce products for those persons who need assistance in preparing their divorce forms.
Find Divorce Attorney
Use the US Legal Lawyer Directory to locate a Divorce attorney in your area if you need expert legal advice and/or services.
Moving Away During and After a Divorce
Two things Americans do a lot is divorce and move. Matters can get complicated when you want to do both at the same time, especially if there are children involved.
Rules for moving during and after a divorce vary by state, but they're similar enough to paint a broad picture.
If you want to make a change that will affect your pending court case or seriously change your children's living situation, it's a good idea to consult expert legal help to discuss your specific circumstances.
Moving Without Children: During and After the Divorce
Moving your old home is common during a divorce, and if the place you're going is still within the county court's jurisdiction, you should be fine.
A minor relocation doesn't significantly change the facts of your case, though it is important to update the address that both the lawyers and the court have for you so you don't miss any document service or court mailings.
Moving farther away than a few freeway exits, however, can complicate your situation. If your divorce was filed in County A, for instance, and you've just moved across the state to County X, you shouldn't expect to have the case move with you, even if you're the one who filed it. Rather, the original location has the first right (and obligation) to the case.In addition, if your spouse still lives in the original location, they have a right not to be dragged to the venue of your choosing just because you moved. If it is at all possible to delay such a move until the divorce is final, you might save a lot of difficulty and gas money.
Otherwise, expect to commute back to your old town for every court date unless your ex agrees to relocate the case.
Added Wrinkles: What About Kids?
Moving away from a co-parent who's involved in the children's lives is not something to be done lightly. At the very least, moving a significant distance away — even just to a different school district — is an upheaval that courts try to avoid for the good of the children.
Changing counties or states, especially over the objection of your co-parent, will almost certainly require a court order. This is because any custody or visitation order is an official command from the court, detailing places and times when the other parent has a legal right to see the children.
Moving far away is sure to impair that schedule, so the order must be modified before you can do it.
A distinction has to be drawn here between two types of custody: “sole” and “joint.” Sole custody gives one parent the final word on where the children live, where they go to school, how they get health care and so on.
All of the important decisions are in the hands of the custodial parent and, depending on the visitation rights of the other parent, the custodial party may be able to petition the court for a simple modification, called a “move-away order,” that acts as permission to move someplace far enough away that the noncustodial parent will have to sacrifice access to the kids. This is most often done with a motion filed with the court and served on the other parent to give them a chance to object. If they do, you might be arguing your case in court, just as you would if the two of you shared custody.
Joint custody puts power over the children into both parents' hands. Decisions seriously affecting the children must be made together.
Forcing an unwelcome change on either party is usually difficult, given the family courts' traditional reluctance to override the strenuous objections of an actively engaged parent.In this situation, the final decision will almost certainly come down to the perceived best interests of the children.
Regardless of whether your custody order says “joint” or “sole,” expect the court to start from whatever the current visitation status quo is, and then work out the children's interests from that, always with an eye toward the least-disruptive solution possible. You may ask the court to let you move with the children for your job, only to be told that you can't take them away from the parent who only sees them every other weekend.
Laura Wasser has seen a lot of contentious move-away orders in court, and she's committed to making DIY divorce easier for everybody involved, especially the kids. Read more about custody and visitation here, or browse It's Over Easy for more information about moving during and after your divorce.
Strategies for Keeping Your Cool During a Divorce
Credit: Oscar Rohena Oscalito on Flickr/CC BY 2.0 with Attribution
Going through a divorce is a very difficult process. This is especially true when a relationship has dissolved to the point where the two spouses are continuously at each other's throats.
Unfortunately, this kind of situation is very common after a marital breakup.
Due to the highly volatile reactions that accompany the sad, hurt, depressed, angry, and even enraged, emotions that are often associated with divorce, it is easy to fall into situations where it is hard to keep your cool.
However, keeping your cool during a divorce is the best course of action. It is definitely not easy, but in the long run, it is best for everyone. This is most particularly true if there are children involved, if the day-to-day (or week-to-week) situations can remain relatively calm. While it's inevitable there will be some eruptive situations, it doesn't have to be constant.
Don't Lash Out / Avoid Unnecessary Confrontation
While not true in all cases, there is a good chance each spouse is going to feel pretty angry though much of the divorce process. It is natural for festering issues to explore during this period of time.
These emotions are completely normal, but it is important to not allow yourself to be involved in a situation where there is lashing out and just screaming at a soon to be ex. Yes, there are hurtful feelings, but lashing out doesn't resolve anything and can be very counterproductive.
If you lash out when angry, this kind of reaction is ly to hurt you more than your soon to be ex.
This is especially significant if children are involved and may be exposed to an outburst. It is critically important to be very careful of what's said or done in front of the kids. Be careful to watch your temper. The divorce will be stressful and difficult for them to understand, and putting them in the midst of a battlefield between their two parents is unfair to them.
Additionally, if the situation is volatile, it is best to avoid dealing with your ex unless absolutely necessary. There is little good in intentionally provoking a soon a former partner and picking a fight. If he or she picks one with you, it's often best to simply walk away and don't become a pawn to his or her battle picking.
See an Attorney Early On
It is important to consult with an attorney early on once the decision to divorce has been made. Hiring a professional during the divorce process is important to protect yourself, your children and your assets.
In addition to getting protection, an attorney can be the person to make the contacts and take the proverbial “heat” when it comes to dealing with a soon to be ex-spouse. An attorney can effectively serve as a go-between, and this is a good way to diffuse an already explosive situation.
It can also avoid potential new eruptions that are ly to arise during the divorce proceedings.
Credit: Oregon Department of Transportation/Creative Commons http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Filling_out_a_form_%289787696074%29.jpg
Pick Battles Carefully
Some battles are worth fighting, other fights are not worth the energy. Rather than become engrossed in an argument over every little thing, it is often best to keep your cool during those spats that aren't as important to you. Fighting over non-essential items only makes things more difficult in the long run.
Save your strength for those battles that really matter in the long-term. A good way to determine whether or not a battle is worth fighting is to ask yourself a few questions.
Will the outcome of this spat matter next year? How about next month? Will it even matter tomorrow? Answering these questions sometimes puts things in perspective.
Even if the marriage is coming to an end, this doesn't mean counseling should be disregarded. Individual counseling can be very helpful in sorting out feelings and emotions. It can also provide learning strategies and coping mechanisms to help you through the divorce and prepare you for your new life. These newly acquired mechanisms can help you keep your cool.
Take Care of Yourself
During a divorce it is crucial to take care of yourself. Things will be stressful, however if you get enough sleep, eat well and drink water, this will help you. It may be pretty difficult, but it's important to get lots of rest during a divorce.
The reason for this is to keep your own sanity.
When you're exhausted it's difficult to think clearly and due to lack of sleep, it is easy to fall into a pattern of bad decision making or getting angry too quickly which can rapidly escalate an already bad situation.
The better nourished you are, the better you will feel; the better you feel, the more you'll be able to handle yourself in a difficult situation. Eating well and drinking lots of water can help give you the strength you need to get through the daily challenges as you go through the divorce and maintain your composure.
Have an Outlet
Having an outlet is a great way to relieve stress. The outlet can be exercise, a hobby, meditation1, or even a friend you can confide in and talk about the stresses in your life. If you have an outlet to release those emotions associated with the divorce, you're less ly to lose your cool at times you need to maintain it. Sometimes writing can also be therapeutic.
Credit: Photos public domain.com/courtesy Wikimedia Commons
Strive for Forgiveness
Divorce is painful. Divorce is hard. However, despite the anger that is typically present with a divorce, try and keep in mind there was once love involved and you married this person for a reason.
Forgiveness is not easy, but when it can be attained, life can be so much better. Some people may even end up being friends with their ex after enough time goes by.
Letting go is important in order to forge ahead with a new life.
When going through a divorce it is often pretty difficult to keep your cool, and this is understandable, however, in the long run you're much better off maintaining composure wherever you can. By developing strategies that work for you, you'll find it much easier to cope with your divorce.You'll also be able to more easily keep your cool in the process. In the long term, this is the better road to travel and help you better transition to life after divorce.
Dealing With Divorce
For many people, their parents' divorce marks a turning point in their lives, whether the divorce happened many years ago or is taking place right now.
About half the marriages in the United States today end in divorce, so plenty of kids and teens have to go through this. But when it happens to you, you can feel very alone and unsure of what it all means.
It may seem hard, but it is possible to cope with divorce — and have a good family life in spite of some changes divorce may bring.
Why Are My Parents Divorcing?
Parents divorce for many reasons. Usually divorce happens when couples feel they can no longer live together due to fighting and anger, or because the love they had when they married has changed.
Divorce also can be because one parent falls in love with someone else, and sometimes it's due to a serious problem drinking, abuse, or gambling.
Sometimes nothing bad happens, but parents just decide to live apart.
Did you know it's really common for teens to think that their parents' divorce is somehow their fault? Just try to remember that parents' decisions to split up are to do with issues between them, and not because of something you might have done or not done.
Some kids feel guilty about what happened, or wish they had prevented arguments by cooperating more within the family, doing better with their behavior, or getting better grades. But separation and divorce are a result of a couple's problems with each other, not with their kids. The decisions adults make about divorce are their own.
If your parents are divorcing, you may experience many feelings. Your emotions may change a lot, too. You may feel stressed out, angry, frustrated, or sad. You might feel protective of one parent or blame one for the situation.
You may feel abandoned, afraid, worried, or guilty. You also may feel relieved, especially if there has been a lot of tension or fighting at home.
These feelings are very typical and talking about them with a friend, family member, or trusted adult can really help.
How Will Divorce Change My Life?
Depending on what happens in your family, you might have to adjust to many changes. These could include things moving, changing schools, spending time with both parents separately, and perhaps dealing with parents' unpleasant feelings about one another.
Your parents may go to court to determine custody arrangements. You could end up living with one parent most of the time and visiting the other, or your parents may split their time with you evenly. At the beginning, it means you might have to be flexible and might have more hassles to deal with for a while.
Some teens have to travel between parents, and that can create challenges both socially and practically. Over time you can figure out a new routine that works for all of you. Often, it takes a while for custody arrangements to be finalized. This can give people time to adapt to these big changes and let families figure out what works best.Money matters may change for your parents, too. A parent who didn't work during the marriage may need to find a job to pay for rent or a mortgage. This might be something a parent is excited about, but he or she may also feel nervous or pressured about finances. There are also expenses associated with divorce, from lawyers' fees to the cost of moving to a new place to live.
Your family may not be able to afford all the things you were used to before the divorce. This is one of the difficult changes often associated with divorce. There can be good changes too — but how you cope with the stressful changes depends on your situation, your personality, and your support network.
What Parents and Teens Can Do to Make It Easier
Keep the peace. Dealing with divorce is easiest when parents get along. Teens find it especially hard when their parents fight and argue or act with bitterness toward each other.
You can't do much to influence how your parents behave during a divorce, but you can ask them to do their best to call a truce to any bickering or unkind things they might be saying about each other.
No matter what problems a couple may face, as parents they need to handle visiting arrangements peacefully to minimize the stress their kids may feel. Letting your parents know that even though you know everyone is super-stressed, you don’t want to get caught in the middle.
Be fair. Most teens say it's important that parents don't try to get them to “take sides.
” You need to feel free to hang out with and talk to each of your parents without the other parent acting jealous, hurt, or mad.
It's unfair for anyone to feel that talking to one parent is being disloyal to the other or that the burden of one parent's happiness is on your shoulders.
When parents find it hard to let go of bitterness or anger, or if they are depressed about the changes brought on by divorce, they can find help from a counselor or therapist. This can help parents get past the pain divorce may have created, to find personal happiness, and to lift any burdens from their kids.
Kids and teens also can benefit from seeing a family therapist or someone who specializes in helping them get through the stress of a family breakup. It might feel weird at first to talk to someone you don't know about personal feelings, but it can be really helpful to hear about how other teens in your situation have coped.
Keep in touch. Going back and forth between two homes can be tough, especially if parents live far apart. It can be a good idea to keep in touch with a parent you see less often because of distance.
Even a quick email saying “I'm thinking of you” helps ease the feelings of missing each other. Making an effort to stay in touch when you're apart can keep both of you up to date on everyday activities and ideas.
Work it out. You may want both parents to come to special events, games, meets, plays, or recitals. But sometimes a parent may find it awkward to attend if the other is present.
It helps if parents can figure out a way to make this work, especially because you may need to feel the support and presence of both parents even more during divorce.You might be able to come up with an idea for a compromise or solution to this problem and suggest it to both parents.
Talk about the future. Many teens whose parents divorce worry that their own plans for the future could be affected. Some are concerned that the costs of divorce ( legal fees and expenses of two households) might mean there will be less money for college or other things.
Pick a good time to tell your parents about your concerns — when there's enough time to sit down with one or both parents to discuss how the divorce will affect you.
Don't worry about putting added stress on your parents, just try to pick a good time to talk when everyone is feeling calm. It's better to bring your concerns into the open than to keep them to yourself and let worries or resentment build.
There are solutions for most problems and advisors and counselors who can help teens and their parents find those solutions.
Figure out your strengths. How do you deal with stress? Do you get angry and take it out on siblings, friends, or yourself? Or are you someone who is a more of a pleaser who puts others first? Do you tend to avoid conflict altogether and just hope that problems will magically disappear?
A life-changing event a divorce can put people through some tough times, but it can also help them learn about their strengths, and put in place some new coping skills.
For example, how can you cope if one parent bad-mouths another? Sometimes staying quiet until the anger has subsided and then discussing it calmly with your mom or dad can help.
You may want to tell them you have a right to love both your parents, no matter what they are doing to each other.
If you need help figuring out your strengths or how to cope — from a favorite aunt or from your school counselor — ask for it! And if you find it hard to confront your parents, try writing them a letter. Figure out what works for you.
Live your life. Sometimes during a divorce, parents may be so caught up in their own changes it can feel your own life is on hold.In addition to staying focused on your own plans and dreams, make sure you participate in as many of your normal activities as possible.
When things are changing at home, it can really help to keep some things, such as school activities and friends, the same.
If things get too hard at home, see if you can stay with a friend or relative until things calm down.
Take care of yourself by eating right and getting regular exercise — two great stress busters! Figure out what's important to you — spending time with friends, working hard at school, writing or drawing, or being great at basketball. Finding your inner strength and focusing on your own goals can really help your stress levels.
Let others support you. Talk about your feelings and reactions to the divorce with someone you trust. If you're feeling down or upset, let your friends and family members support you. These feelings usually pass.
If they don't, and if you're feeling depressed or stressed out, or if it's hard to concentrate on your normal activities, let a counselor or therapist help you.
Your parents, school counselor, or a doctor or other health professional can help you find one.
Many communities and schools have support groups for kids and teens whose parents have divorced. It can really help to talk with other people your age who are going through similar experiences.
Bringing Out the Positive
There will be ups and downs in the process, but teens can cope successfully with their parents' divorce and the changes it brings. You might even discover some unexpected positives. Many teens find their parents are actually happier after the divorce or they may develop new and better ways of relating to both parents when they have separate time with each one.
Some teens learn compassion and caring skills when a younger brother or sister needs their support and care. Siblings who are closer in age may form tighter bonds, learning to count on each other more because they're facing the challenges of their parents' divorce together.
Coping well with divorce also can bring out strength and maturity. Some become more responsible, better problem solvers, better listeners, or better friends. Looking back on the experience, lots of people say that they learned coping skills they never knew they had and feel stronger and more resilient as a result of what they went through.Many movies have been made about divorce and stepfamilies — some with happy endings, some not. That's how it is in real life too. But most teens who go through a divorce learn (sometimes to their surprise) that they can make it through this difficult situation successfully.
Giving it time, letting others support you along the way, and keeping an eye on the good things in your life can make all the difference.
Reviewed by: D'Arcy Lyness, PhD
Date reviewed: January 2015
Divorce: The procedure – InBrief.co.uk
Divorce is the ugly word that can traumatise so many lives in the UK. A costly process, both emotionally and financially, this should be the last course of action for an estranged couple. However, the reality is that approaching 1 in 2 marriages are doomed to failure, meaning that advice is required on the divorce or separation procedure.
The parties entering into the process can occasionally underestimate the effects of what a divorce will have on their lives. If the relationship has remained amicable and they are able to come to an out-of-court arrangement, then no further action need be taken.
However, if there is a source of disagreement, then a court or judge may be instructed to award certain privileges to either party. This can include division of property, sale of major assets or dividing up remaining debt.
This can often become a torturous process and is why divorce is listed as one of the most stressful experiences that a human can undergo.
In the UK divorce is serious business and you will need to find yourself a solicitor as soon as possible. There is no substitute for the experience, help and moral support that these seasoned professionals can offer you in this difficult time. They can then gather information from you regarding which assets or requirements are key to you during the forthcoming process.
The first step in the divorce procedure is for one of the two parties to file a divorce petitioner. This is a document that details who you are looking to separate from and on what grounds you are doing so. This is always a tricky scenario, as no one wants to be served with a divorce petitioner and can often motivate the recipient to act anger or revenge in the following months.
Alternatively, this can be a very refrained affair, with both parties agreeing to cover the cost of the divorce and settling personal disputes the courtroom.In the majority of cases a dispute will arise to the demands of the individual who has filed for the divorce.
This can be any number of conditions such as, custody of the children, costs of the divorce, division of property or resolving financial issues (debt). At this point, assuming the disagreement cannot be resolved, they will ask a judge to settle their differences for them.
If this situation arises during a divorce procedure, it is imperative that the persons involved acquire a solicitor. These are trained professionals who are experts in dealing with family law.
Effects on the family
The unparalleled impact that a divorce is ly to have is the separation of a family. Overnight, children used to a two parents under the same roof are stripped of that privilege.
This can be hugely traumatising, especially if the kids in question are at an important juncture in their lives. The other effect on the family is financial.
All assets and debts will have to be divided up, usually resulting in either the sale of the family home, or a major shift in lifestyle.Divorce’s effects on a family are not just confined to the home. The split will act as a huge event in any child’s life and will provoke a number of unwelcome consequences.
Recent research has shown that children from separated families are more ly to, suffer from behavioural problems, fall behind at school and become involved in unfavourable practices.
These emotions can also effect the victims in later life too, with adults from a divorced background more ly to be subject to poverty and experience depression.
Division of property
In many cases children will not be involved in the Divorce, which is to the benefit of both parties as if there are children then things can get a lot more complicated. The only things that then are left to be divided are material (unless you have pets of course).
Believe us when we say that if at all possible, then this should aim to be settled outside the courtroom. Solicitors cost an absolute fortune and can cripple both parties when all there is at stake is pride.
In this process there has to be room for negotiation and nothing is ever settled without compromise from both husband and wife.
However if you do feel you are being unfairly cheated and stand to lose a lot of money or valuable possessions then you may be forced to seek legal advice. See the article about the distribution of family assets after divorce.
The last thing to mention, is that for anyone seeking a permanent separation from their spouse, be sure that divorce is the only option available left to you. Take time to consider whether or not there are any steps you can take either individually or as a couple to repair the damage caused.
5 Tips for Christians Considering Divorce
It is a heartbreaking thing to have friends and family members who are going through divorce. Maybe you and your spouse are the ones considering a divorce and are looking for help. I hope that the information in this article can be a help to you or your friends.
If you are going through a strained relationship you may find the stress and emotional anguish difficult to bear. There are long-lasting and far-reaching effects that need to be considered before making life-changing decisions. However your ability to think clearly and rationally about the future is often clouded by the emotional trauma you are experiencing.
The information in this article is intended for Christian couples that are struggling with non-life threatening relationship issues. If you are in an abusive marriage where one of the spouses, or worse yet, children, could become physically harmed then you should get the law involved in protecting the family.
Laying aside physical abuse and unrepentant sexual immorality, let’s look at 5 tips for Christians who are considering divorce and see if God can help you find a way to save your marriage.
Because you are reading this article I assume you have some desire to keep your marriage together.I trust that you will seriously consider your alternatives and use these suggestions to bring your spouse close to you once again.
There are long-lasting and far-reaching effects that need to be considered before making life-changing decisions.
Please pray. Don’t neglect this. Pray that God will give you wisdom in your relationship (James 1:5). Pray for your spouse. Pray that God will give you love for him or her again (1 Corinthians 13).
If you don’t maintain your relationship with a perfect and loving God during this critical time, what hope do you have for maintaining a relationship with a spouse who is an imperfect sinner yourself?
You may find that it is hard to pray right now. Reading your Bible may become very difficult. Rarely do marriages struggle where only one partner is to blame for all the problems.
It may be true that your spouse carries much of the fault, but your bitterness and pride is probably what is hindering you from wanting to even talk with the Lord.
Are you afraid that He will show you sin and improper behavior in your own life?
During this time of great difficulty you should actually pray that God does reveal your faults. You absolutely cannot change your spouse. Only God and your partner can do that.
You should pray for them, but spend more time praying that God will change you and make your relationship with Him stronger and better.
As a result of building a better relationship with God you will invariably build a better relationship with your mate.
What brought you two together 10 years ago? What was the big attraction to him or her when you first started dating that summer? Those qualities are probably still there you just have to look for them.
It is possible that he or she has changed since those innocent days.
Why? Is it because you have changed in such a way that you no longer bring out those qualities in your spouse? Maybe you have nagged them so much to change through the years that when they finally did, you buried that quality you fell in love with.
I am reminded of a cartoon I saw recently where a young couple fell madly in love. After they were married she nagged him to change the style of shirt he wore. He did. She complained about the way he wore his hair.In an effort to please her, he changed that too. She asked him to change various things about his actions and appearance. He continued to change for her sake.
In the end she filed for divorce stating that he was no longer the man she fell in love with years before.
The cartoon was written to comically illustrate what happens to many couples. But you may feel a twinge of guilt if you are the one who coerced your mate into making changes they did not want to make.
Try to remember those early days when you first fell in love. If you built your relationship on the right things then those qualities are still inside your spouse.
However, if you built your relationship purely on a physical attraction you have to remember that you don’t have the body of a 20-year-old any more either.
Jumping one relationship to find another physically attractive person will end the exact same way.
Find, or bring out again, the qualities in your spouse that you loved so much. They are still there. You had the power to reveal those before you were married, you can do it again.
Though we say it all the time, you did not really “fall in love.” You grew together in a relationship. Your love was planted, grew and blossomed over time. You also don’t fall love. It is crazy to think that you do. If you no longer have the love you once had for them it is because you have made decisions that have pushed you to growing love, not falling there.
Be the Kind of Person You Want to Live With
Have you stopped to consider how you are acting towards your spouse? If he or she acted you are acting towards them, would you want to be married to you? You should model the type of behavior you expect.
I know this is the type of thing parents are told in relationship to their children, but you should act properly toward you spouse as well.
Do you go to church on Sunday with a smile, a Bible and all your memory verses learned and then can’t wait until you get the church parking lot to start yelling at your spouse? You may put up a nice front with other people, but your spouse has to live with you.Ephesians 5:22-33 are probably not your favorite verses in the Bible at this time of your life. It commands husbands to love their wives. Wives are told to submit to their husbands. Both of these statements are not conditional on the other person’s actions. Wives should submit whether their husband loves or not.
Husbands should love whether their wife submits or not. Don’t look at what your spouse’s responsibility is, focus on what you are to do. Men, become the husband that loves in such a way that your wife wants to submit and reverence him.
Ladies, become the wife that makes it easy for your husband to love because you are living in obedience to the commands of God.
Remember when you actually communicated with one another and didn’t yell? I know you may be saying that you really can’t remember the last time you communicated. But there was a time that you did. Otherwise you would not have gotten married.
As a dating couple you looked forward to dropping off your little brother so you could be alone with the one you loved. Your friends from high school and college, whom you vowed you would never abandon, got ditched as soon as your spouse came into your life.
You found ways to be together so you could talk even when you didn’t have time in your busy schedule.
You may be finding ways to avoid one another lately. Do you take the long way home from work so you don’t have to face the tension? Remember it takes two people to argue.
If you will just admit you are sorry for the way you have been acting you could diffuse some of the tension. There is no reason for you to pretend the sinful actions of your spouse don’t exist; however, you can admit your own pride and faults.
You may find that your arguments will cease as soon as you take the time to tell them you are sorry.
Attack the problem together. Don’t try to win an argument just to have another notch in your belt. You can both win if you will try and solve the problem together and stop trying to have a better argument than the other person.It is said we communicate on five different levels. The first is casual and trivial things. This includes the weather, bus schedules and sports scores. Secondly we move to factual information. This is when one person dispenses information at a lecture.
There is usually little passion and the parties are emotionally disconnected. When you move to the third level you are talking about ideas and philosophies. You begin to share things that open you up to being vulnerable because the other person might disagree with you.
When you begin to share emotions, dreams and fears you have moved to the fourth level. This is where couples get to in their conversations before they get married.
They may or may not move to the fifth level which is a state of total and absolute openness where everything is shared.
Where are you in these five levels of communication? Have you begun to slip backwards on the scale? If you are having trouble in your marriage you may be back to level two or one. Open yourself up and work towards sharing some dreams again.
Live Pleasing to the Lord
Your relationship with God should be your first priority. I know this goes hand in hand with the first point about praying, but this is so critical. When God is first in your life He will help you work out your other priorities. Live a life that is pleasing to Him and He will help clear up your emotion-filled mind so that you can see things from a higher perspective.
If you are in tune with the Lord and your spouse is in tune with the Lord, then you will be in tune with one another. Just because people are Christians does not mean they will never disagree with one another. However, if they will both live in agreement and obedience to the Lord, then they will be in agreement with each other. The Jesus in you will not fight with the Jesus in your spouse.
Your marital problems should be seen as a spiritual issue. You may see your anger over your spouse spending too much money at the grocery store or working too long at the office as a physical one, but you should consider it a spiritual battle to be fought together. Ask the Lord to help you both stand together and attack the problems in your marriage.If you are not willing to take your marital problems to the Lord then you are admitting that you are part of the problem and not willing to find a solution. Admit that to God and your spouse. Ask forgiveness from your partner and God. Then between the three of you I am certain a solution will present itself.
Have you and your spouse come back from marital problems? Please share in the comments below how God gave you victory. I know this type of topic can be very emotional to discuss. If your marriage ended in divorce anyway, please keep your comments spirit filled. It helps no one to be unkind in a discussion this.
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as: Christians, Divorce, family, Marriage
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