For Continued Strength to Pray for Unbelieving Wife


30 Days of Prayer for Your Unbelieving Husband

For Continued Strength to Pray for Unbelieving Wife

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Being married to an unbelieving spouse can be extremely difficult. I know because I’ve been there. I was married for 14 years and about 7 years ago, gave my life to the Lord. The second I did, our marriage suddenly changed. All of the sudden, I had new desires….a desire to please the Lord, a desire to not sin, a desire to do what is right, and yet his desires, stayed the same.

It immediately caused a huge rift between us. An unspoken rift that we both could feel. All the sudden, we were on different sides of eternity, and we knew it.

But the Bible is clear. In such cases, we don’t divorce. We are to remain married to the unbeliever after we accept Christ into our hearts. While there are clear reasons that God allows for divorce, that is not one of them. So, I remained married, and prayed. Many of my prayers are listed below. I hope you find comfort in them as I did during that hard season of my life.

Day 1:  God is in Control {Psalm 9:10}

As the saved spouse in your marriage, it is important to put your full trust in God, not in yourself or in your unsaved spouse. He is in full control at all times. He does not sleep or get weary of watching over you and protecting you.

Day 2: The Best Thing You Can Do For Your Husband {Mark 11:24}

If you are Christian and you pray, the Lord is sure to answer every single prayer you pray. His answer may be wait, no, maybe, or yes, but every prayer is answered. Although your answers may not look what you want, know that the Lord does answer all prayers in His own way and in His timing.

Day 3: Stay Close to the Lord {Psalm 145:18}

The Lord will be with you and near you when you pray. So keep praying faithfully and continually for your husband!

Day 4: Only God Can Save Your Spouse, Not You {John 14:6}

The only thing that can save your husband is Jesus, not you. Remember you do not control your husband’s salvation- it is in God’s control.  Remember to always be found putting your husband’s salvation in His hands, not your own.

Day 5: Trust in the Lord {Proverbs 3:5-6}

The Lord has allowed this situation to happen for your good. It is important to put all of your trust in Him. He does not make mistakes. Do not just count on yourself. God will direct your path!

Day 6: Love Your Husband {Genesis 2:24}

When you married your husband, you became one. You may feel it is hard to love your unbelieving spouse, but you made a commitment to him. Today, I’d encourage you to ask God to help you love your spouse in a new and exciting way.

Day 7: Living With Your Husband {1 Corinthians 7:39}

Sometimes, you might feel your marriage was a mistake, especially if you came to faith after you got married, I did. But, God does NOT want you to leave your unbelieving husband. Today, ask Him to help you to desire to stay and grow in your marriage and be content.

Day 8: Staying with an Unbeliever- Your Kids Will Be Okay {1 Corinthians 7:10-16}

Today is a great day to ask for help in being strong in your relationship with your husband. Ask God to help you be a positive Christian influence to your children or any you might have in the future.

Day 9: Don’t Preach {1 Peter 3:1-7}

When you have an unbelieving husband, it can be extremely tempting to tell them all about Jesus and the Bible, especially if you are a new believer! But, most people do not to be preached at! Rather, win him over without words. Let the light of the Holy Spirit shine through you, so that your husband sees Christ through your behaviors and actions.

Day 10: Remember You Are Not Perfect {Romans 3:23}

It can be tempting as the believer, to think we are better or holier than our husband. But, we are sinners too! The Bible states, “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Ask God to help you remember that just as your husband, you too are a sinner in desperate need of His grace.

Day 11: Have Patience {Psalm 27:14}

It can be frustrating praying for your spouse and not seeing results. Maybe you have been praying for days, or maybe you have been praying for many years! But, take heart. God answers all prayers in His own way and His own time. Today, ask God to give you the patience while you wait for Him to soften your husband’s heart.

Day 12: Encourage Your Husband {Romans 15:5}

Give your husband gentle encouragement as God gives us. Ask God to help you be an encouragement to your husband and to your family today.

Day 13: Be a Good Wife {Proverbs 31:10-12}

Finding a good wife- a wife is the crown of her husband. Be a good wife to your husband and you will both be blessed! Ask the Lord to help you be a good wife- to be more valuable than rubies.

Day 14: Find a Mentor {Titus 2:4-5}

It can be very helpful to find a mentor while you are going through being married to an unbelieving husband.

An older Christian woman to help you through your trials and guide you on your journey and pray for you. If you cannot find one in person, there are a lot of groups online.

Today, ask God to help you find a strong Christian mentor that you can trust and who can help guide you through your many trials.

Day 15: Look to God for Strength {Psalm 18:39}

If you are trying to do everything in your own power, stop! You never will be able to. You must get your strength from the Lord. Today, pray for God to give you strength, not just for yourself, but for your husband also.

Day 16: Submit to Your Husband {Ephesians 22-25}

Oh, that word submission! It is a sensitive issue for many. You might be wondering if you still need to submit to your husband if he isn’t Christian. The truth is, yes.

Now, if he is asking you to sin (or physically abusing you or something that), then you need to submit to God first, not your husband.

But, to everyone else, yes, regardless if your husband is Christian or not, it is the wife’s call to submit to her husband, as the church submits to Christ. Today, ask God to help you submit to your husband, even when it is hard.

Day 17: Speak Kindly {Proverbs 15:1}

Maybe your husband is not only NOT saved, but makes comments against your faith and God. Maybe he tries to undermine you or is hostile toward you and your faith. It can be tempting to lash out at him. But remember, a soft answer turns away wrath. Today, ask God to help you speak kindly and not in anger to your husband.

Day 18: God Will Strengthen You {Isaiah 41:10}

When you feel weak and defeated, remember God is always with you and gives you strength. Ask Christ to help you remember your strength comes not from yourself, but from the Lord. Take comfort that He will strengthen you when you need it and never puts more on you than you can handle.

Day 19: The Holy Spirit Gives You Power {2 Timothy 1:7}

Remember that through the spirit of God inside of you, you have power! Do not be timid in your prayers! Use your direct connection to God to pray for your husband.

Day 20: Speak With Grace {Colossians 4:6}

Some days it can be hard to speak nicely to your husband. Maybe he is behaving in a way that isn’t Christ-, which is to be expected, and you may want to be angry and lash out at him. Pray first, and ask the Lord how you can answer him with grace instead. Ask the Lord to help you speak with grace, even when you are angry.

Day 21: Call on the Lord {Jeremiah 29:12-13}

Remember, the Lord is always with you and fully able to help. All you have to do is call on him! Call on Him today to help you remember that even when you FEEL alone, you are never really alone. He is right there with you.

Day 22: A New Heart {Ezekiel 36:26}

It is written in the Bible that God will give us a new heart made of flesh, not stone, when we accept Him. Today, pray He give your husband a new heart- a heart to be open and receptive to the Word.

Day 23: Do Not Cause Your Husband to Stumble {Romans 14:13}

Something that might not be a problem for you, could very well be a problem for your husband. Try to help him towards a path of godliness, while not expecting him to be a godly man. Ask God to help you remove all the stumbling blocks in your power from your husband’s path.

Day 24: Do Not Be Scared {John 14:27}

It can be scary to have an unsaved spouse! You might worry about his soul for all eternity. But, the Lord tells us not to worry and not to be afraid. Ask Christ to help you to put your trust in Him, and help you not to be afraid for your husband, but to pray fervently for him instead.

Day 25: Ask the Lord {Matthew 7:7}

Sometimes we forget when we pray to tell the Lord what we want, but the Bible clearly says, “Ask and it will be given to you.” Today, ask God to open your husband’s heart toward receiving Christ as his personal Lord and Savior.

Day 26: Love Bears All Things {1 Corinthians 13:7}

Love bears all things, even an unbelieving husband. Today, ask God to help you endure this trial and give you a greater capacity of love toward and for him.

Day 27: Do Not Lose Heart {Galatians 6:9}

Maybe you have been praying for your husband for a long time, and you are tired. You have grown weary of the stress of being the believing spouse in an unbelieving home.

The temptation to leave God and belong to the world can be strong. But, do not lose heart! The Bible says in due time you will reap if you do not grow weary.

Ask God to help you stay strong and not grow weary in praying for your husband’s salvation.

Day 28: Delight in the Lord {Psalm 37:4}

Do you find your joy in the Lord? The Bible tells us that if we delight in Him, He will give you the desires of your heart. The more we love Him, the more we seek His will, the more our desires line up to His. Today, pray that He help you to find your joy in Him, and not my husband or anyone else in your life. Pray that your desires line up to His.

Day 29: Walk in the Way of the Lord {Psalm 119:1}

It can be tempting to stray away from God when you are married to an unbeliever. Maybe your husband does things or participates in activities that are frowned on by God.

That does not mean you have to do them as well.

Today, ask God to help you walk in His way, according to His precepts, and live a life that is blameless and pleasing to Him, regardless of what your unbelieving spouse’s behavior is.

Day 30: Praise the Lord {Psalm 19:4}

Above all else, put the Lord first in your life. Pray for your husband’s salvation, ask God to open his heart. “May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.”

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How to Win Over Your Husband the Right (and Wrong) Way

For Continued Strength to Pray for Unbelieving Wife

If you’re a wife, Peter tells you how not to win over your husband (with words). And he tells you how to win over your husband (with godly conduct):

Wives submit to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, you may win over your husband without a wordby your actions, when he sees your respectful and godly conduct.

1 Peter 3:1-2

Win Over Your Husband the Right Way

Wives, Peter says you will not win over your husband by what you say, but you might win over your husband by your lifestyle.

The gracious submission of a Christian woman to her unsaved husband is the strongest evangelistic tool she has.

Just what does this look in practical terms? Comparing 1 Peter 2:18 with 1 Peter 3:1­–2 can help with the answer because of the parallel language between the verses:

  • “Servants, be submissive to your masters” is similar to “Wives . . . be submissive to your own husbands.”
  • “Not only to the good and gentle, but also to the harsh” is similar to “even if some do not obey the word.”
  • “With all fear” is similar to “your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.”

In both verses, it is important to understand that this is not speaking of servants or wives submitting fear of their masters or husbands, but submitting fear and reverence for God.

  When an unbelieving husband sees this heart for God it will be a powerful witness. His wife’s godly behavior will convict him to be a godlier husband.

Her life will speak louder to him than any words.

Let the Holy Spirit Win Over Your Husband

If a wife wants her husband to read God’s Word more, pray more, or be a godlier man, rather than nagging him, she herself should read God’s Word more, pray more, and be a godlier woman. Wives should be encouraged by Jesus’s promise to send the Holy Spirit:

“When [the Holy Spirit] has come, He will convict the world of sin.”

John 16:8

Notice the emphasis is on the Holy Spirit doing the convicting. This includes husbands, unbelieving or otherwise! Wives are not supposed to take over the Holy Spirit’s role in their husbands’ lives. Wives should pray, and then trust the Holy Spirit to do the work Jesus promised He would do.

No husband can sit at home being unspiritual and lame while watching his spiritual wife without feeling ashamed.

A husband might pretend that he is not convicted, and his wife might not be able to tell by looking at him that he feels convicted, but he does.

In contrast, when a wife is unsubmissive, angry, and nagging, the husband does not see God through her and as a result avoids feeling convicted at all.

What It Looks to Win Over Your Husband the Wrong Way

A wife can win over her husband, but not necessarily in a positive way. Two examples of this are:

Scripture gives another example of a man who made a habit of allowing the women in his life to win him over with their words, and it resulted in disastrous consequences. Ironically Samson was the strongest man in history, but he was overcome by the persistence of two women who could be termed the Queens of Nagging.

Samson chose a Philistine for a wife. During the wedding festivities, he posed a riddle to thirty men from his bride’s town. If they did not solve the riddle, each of them would have to supply him with a set of clothing.

If they solved it, he would supply each of them with a set. Wanting the answer, the men went to Samson’s wife, who agreed to help her fellow Philistines obtain the answer from her husband.

For seven days she wept and complained:

“You only hate me, and do not love me! You have posed a riddle to the sons of my people, but you have not explained it to me”

Judges 14:16

Samson’s new bride “pressed him so much” (Judges 14:17) that he finally told her the answer, and she told the Philistine men. Feeling betrayed, Samson rejected his wife and she married one of the thirty men (Judges 14:20).

Sadly, Samson did not learn from his mistake. Sometime later he fell in love with another Philistine woman named Delilah (Judges 16:4). By this time the Philistines were furious over Samson’s successful attacks against them. They offered Delilah a large reward if she would find out the source of his great strength so they could defeat him.

Delilah nagged Samson and he told her lies on three separate occasions (Judges 16:6–14). Each time she would wait until Samson was asleep, then she would call the Philistines and act on the lie he had told her. Since Samson was lying, he was able to easily defeat the Philistines. Finally, Delilah played the victim:

“How can you say, ‘I love you,’ when your heart is not with me? You have mocked me these three times, and have not told me where your great strength lies”

Judges 16:15

Does this sound familiar? It is almost identical to Samson’s first wife:

Delilah pestered [Samson] daily with her words and pressed him so that his soul was vexed to death

Judges 16:16

She made him so miserable with her nagging that he wished he were dead. He finally admitted:

“No razor has ever come upon my head, for I have been a Nazirite to God from my mother’s womb. If I am shaven, then my strength will leave me, and I shall become weak, and be any other man.”

Judges 16:17 Samson knew that Delilah would turn him over to the Philistines, but he told her anyway and it is a strong testament to the power of a woman’s nagging.

In a scene that is painful even to read, Delilah cut off Samson’s hair while he slept and his strength was gone. The Philistines captured him, put his eyes out, and turned him into a slave.

He remained in captivity until his last-ditch stand that resulted in his death along with three thousand Philistines.

The lesson is some wives manipulate their husbands the two women in Samson’s life. They play the victim and act as though they are being mistreated. They nag until their husbands’ souls, Samson’s, are vexed to the point where death feels a better alternative. The wife’s words finally wear down the husband until he gives in.

Jesus Sets the Example of Godly Conduct Versus Words

The greatest example, not just for wives, but for all of us, is Jesus Himself. In the apostle Peter’s discussion of submission, he emphasized the way Jesus demonstrated godly conduct through actions and not words:

For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps . . . who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously

1 Peter 2:21-23

The specific example Peter was referring to was Jesus’s conduct during His trials leading up to the crucifixion. He was silent before His accusers, answering them not a word (Isaiah 53:7; Matthew 27:12; Acts 8:32). He was willing to endure the shame and eventually the cross itself for our sakes.

While we were yet unbelieving and lost in our sins, Jesus was willing to lay down His life to win our salvation.

This is the example to which we are called, whether wives or husbands, in being willing to live in such a way that unbelieving spouses may be won to salvation through the conduct of a believing spouse.

Discussion  Questions

  1. How does a couple lose when a wife manipulates and/or wears down her husband?
  2. How can you demonstrate godly conduct instead of words to your spouse?
  3. In what ways can we be Christ when we are reviled and when we suffer?
  4. Husband:
    • To give your wife confidence in the Holy Spirit’s work in your life, what has He convicted you of regarding being a husband?
    • When do you feel your wife was manipulating you and/or wearing you down?
    • Does your wife model what she would you to do by her godly conduct?Does she faithfully avoid behavior she doesn’t want in your life?
  5. Wife:
    • Do you model what you would your husband to do through your godly conduct? Do you faithfully avoid behavior you don’t want to see in your husband’s life?
    • What do you need to trust the Holy Spirit to convict your husband of?
    • Do you recognize you were manipulating your husband and/or wearing him down?

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4 Things to Consider Before Leaving a Christian Marriage ⋆ She Blossoms

For Continued Strength to Pray for Unbelieving Wife

Are you staying in an unhealthy or even abusive marriage because you’re a Christian? Perhaps you’re struggling with the “God hates divorce” decree in the Bible. You may also be influenced by your Christian husband, pastor, or religious friends. It’s important to step back from the external noise, pressures, influences, and and voices.

Take time to talk to God. Ask the Holy Spirit for guidance, wisdom, and clarity. Take a deep breath and know that Jesus is with you every step of the way. Remember that the more time you spend in God’s presence, the more peace you’ll have. In What Jesus Says About Divorced Christians and Remarriage, I share tips for seeking God and finding answers.

Whether or not you’re a Christian woman, deciding to leave your marriage is hard. Getting divorce is damaging, painful, and heartbreaking. There are no easy answers, not even in the Bible.

Scripture is a treasure trove of wisdom and parables, comfort and strength…but even the Bible can’t tell you if you should leave a Christian marriage.

God rarely tells us exactly what to do in specific circumstances; He’s all about freedom, grace, and love.

A decision as big as leaving your marriage requires you to go beyond “the Bible is against divorce” and dig into your own journey with God. Seek guidance from the Holy Spirit, the Bible, and wise Christian counselors or mentors who you can be honest with.

4 Things to Consider Before Leaving Your Christian Marriage

One of my Christian friends is dealing with emotional and verbal abuse in her marriage. Leaving isn’t easy even though she’s been unhappy for years. A She Blossoms reader recently asked for advice because she, too, is considering leaving her Christian husband.

“I am contemplating divorce even though my husband and I have been married for 19 years,” she said on Is My Marriage Over? 6 Signs You Shouldn’t Ignore. “We have had problems the past few years that keep coming up every couple months. I have stayed just because I’m a Christian and God hates divorce and there has been no infidelity.

But now my husband and 15 yr old daughter are butting heads and he says she is turning out just me. They got in a fight this morning and my daughter said she wants to be emancipated and move out. My husband said to give him the papers and he would kick her out himself. Now my daughter says she will leave and move out if I don’t leave him.

I feel torn between trying to continue to make things work or lose my daughter. My husband says I have ruined his life and everything is my fault. I just feel drained. I have tried everything to make things work and I’m not perfect and have made mistakes too, but I can’t keep living this way.

Should I leave my marriage, even though I’m a Christian?”

If you’re a Christian, you’ll find Bible verses that argue for or against divorce. You can argue and debate until Jesus finally takes us home! But it’s not the best way to spend your time because you’ll never find the correct answer. Instead, spend time in God’s presence.

1. Divorcing your husband isn’t divorcing God

Divorce is painful and difficult, but sometimes it’s necessary.

Staying in an unhealthy or abusive relationship is never God’s will! Yes, He hates divorce — just He hates disease, pain, suffering, war, and other terrible things that happen on this side of Heaven.

But just because God hates it doesn’t mean it happens. Some Christian marriages need to die so something new can grow and blossom.

I believe Jesus’ heart is breaks for wives in difficult relationships. He knows the suffering and loneliness of an unhealthy Christian marriage. I wish there was an easy way out — or easy answers — but there’s not. Each woman must take time to seek God’s will for her life, spend time soaking up the presence of the Holy Spirit, and walk forward in faith, courage, and hope.

2. The Bible is not a rulebook for daily life

It can be tempting to quote Scripture that says “God hates divorce.

” It’s also tempting to use that phrase as a blanket statement (or proof text) to support the argument that no Christian wife should ever leave her marriage.

Don’t fall into the trap of taking Bible verses context and using them to make decisions. Instead, learn how to accurately interpret and apply the Bible to your situation.

For example, in Ephesians 5:25 Paul says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This describes a healthy marriage. If you and your husband are struggling to serve and love each other, find ways to bridge the gap.

If you or your husband are dealing with addictions, abusive behavior, problems that seem uncontrollable and destructive, get help. Don’t allow yourself to stay in an unhealthy, unhappy, even abusive marriage because you “can’t leave because Christians can’t get divorced.

3. Explore your reasons for staying married

Things to Consider Before Leaving a Christian Marriage

Jesus Christ served the church by loving, protecting, defending, and serving her. When was the last time you felt loved and protected by your husband? Respected, honored, and served? Be honest about your own behavior, as well.

Are you serving and loving your husband? I don’t think Christian women should leave their marriages and get divorced at the first sign of trouble. I am saying that unhealthy, unhappy marriages need to be taken care of. Unhappiness does not help build God’s kingdom.

Disunity, disconnection, and sin in marriage is what the devil uses against Christians and God’s work.

If you are staying in a bad marriage because you’re a Christian and the Bible says “God hates divorce”, I encourage you to look at your husband, your marriage, and yourself more carefully. Talk to someone you trust, perhaps a Christian mentor, pastor or counselor. Don’t keep walking through the darkness alone. Get the help you need.

4. Consider talking to a Christian marriage counselor or a spiritual director

You might find it helpful to sort through your emotions and thoughts by taking to a therapist who understands both the Bible and marriage dynamics. Untangling your Christian belief system will help you see how your faith is affecting your choices, health, and life.

Another possibility is a spiritual director, to help you learn how to hear what the Holy Spirit is saying. Learn how to seek God’s presence and communicate with the Holy Spirit.

Does He give you guidance and direction? Learn what this means and how to hear His nudges and whispers.

I also encourage you to read Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud. He’s a Christian psychologist who co-wrote the Boundaries series of books. This book will help you see your relationship more clearly, and even help you decided if you should leave your Christian marriage.

Take good care of yourself, for you are a child of God — and that means you’re worth taking good care of! Read 7 Ways to Take Care of Yourself Through the Divorce Process.

How do you feel? What have I missed? What do you want Jesus to do for you? Your thoughts – big and little – are welcome below.


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