Relationship Problem With My Teenage Children
Problems with parents and children and ways to cope the problem
Parents always love their children and no power on the earth can doubt the love between parents and children. The parents are always ready to risk their life for the betterment of children. They earn money by perspiring even in odd situations to feed their children and build their future.
But yet misunderstandings between parents and children always take place. Some differences always occur between parents and children due to the problem of generation gap and their way of bringing up.
If a certain level of understanding occurs between parents and children both of them would be the happiest persons in the world.
Problem with parents and how to cope up
Whenever any problem of opinion clash or misunderstandings occur between parents and children both of them have a role to play. The parents should understand that their children are innocent and are not aware about the hardships of life.
Parents should obey their parents because their parents can never misguide them or do something to spoil the future. In extreme cases the children even abandon their parents or marry someone against their wishes. These problems occur due to barrier in communication.
Do parents force their children?
Children between the age of six to fourteen usually complain that their parents always force them with certain issues that they are not comfortable. Most of the children commonly complain that their parents force them to eat the vegetables that they do not . Some children complain that they are not interested in dancing activity but their parents force them to learn Indian classical dance. Some students complain that their parents always force them to study for hours together. In above cases, although the parents love their children very much and expect for a better life, then why do the children show a sense of unhappiness with their parents? Parents are always worried about the future of the children and the child should realize this point. Parents force you to eat the vegetable you do not because they think that you should compromise at least at some point of life and you should not face any hardships to compromise then. They force you to learn dancing because they think that your life should be filled with colors and you must learn something valuable in life. Perhaps they wanted to learn dancing but their economic conditions did not permit to learn what they wanted. If you are totally uncomforable with their wants then you can speak to them openly. If you are not interested in dancing then tell them that you have been attending dance class but you are not able to learn the steps properly because you are not comfortable. Be happy that your parents care for you so much and want to be better citizens of life.
Anger of the parents when you produce mark sheet with low marks
If you have not studied and you score low marks in the exam then your parents would probably feel angry. They are working hard to provide you better education, then if you do not score well, they feel annoyed. Never mind! Apologize them and promise them to work harder. If you are studying for the subject hard and do not score well, tell them that you are facing difficulty with the subject and need tuition. Be honest to your parents in your approach. Do not hide your marks card to prevent any sort of punishment from them. They ultimately love you.
Do parents apply pressure ?
Some parents expect very high marks from their children and rebuke them even if they score a mark low. Some parents expect that their kids should learn in a very reputed institution of India and secure very good job in a large MNC company. They start applying pressure to their kids for this purpose. In this case the role of the parents become major. The parents cannot actually evaluate the capacity of the child. Every child in the world is not born intelligent. If a child faces any sort of pressure then the child cannot achieve the minimum output also. I have personally viewed that some parents apply pressure to their children to attain eligibility in IIT colleges even if they are not very intelligent and the children do not attain the goal but simply waste their one year in college also. Some parents always expect that their children attain first rank. In this case the parents do they expect that their child should be born to be a wonder child? The parents should remember that they are not born with all the powers and hence they have their limitations. The children should not be carried away emotionally by the behavior of the parents but should openly communicate to them and seek advise from good people.
Some parents expect that their children should study too much
Some parents feel restless when they view that their children are not studying. They always expect that the child locks up in a room and studies. Do you think that your child learn too much by studying for hours together. Do you think that your child becomes very intelligent by studying many books? Your children require mental rest and hence they cannot do any work continuously a machine. Give your child some sort of refreshment after certain hours of studying so that they feel refreshed.
Comparison done by parents
Some parents always compare the characteristics of their children with others. Remember that every child in the world is unique. If you feel to compare your kids with someone please remember that you have not still studied the nature of your child. Parents who know their children well never compare their kids to anyone. The child also should not talk much because probably their parents realize this later. Even if they compare you to someone they still love you.
Do your parents love your siblings more than you
Do not ever misunderstand your parent's love with you. They probably expect you to be more responsible than your younger sibling and expect you to take care of them. They have taken care of their younger brothers or sisters when they were young and so they expect the same from you too.
Parents do want their children to make all round progress but they themselves remain detached with their responsibilities towards children awfully busy in mining gold. How to do a good parenting of children forms the subject of this essay here.
It is a common habit of Indian parents that they compare their children with others, they don't know how its really works against the formation of their children's character. So its better to avoid such comparison among the children Most parents have high hopes for their children.
Parents wish their children to study well, get high marks and lead a successful career. This article examine why the children don't study well and the what can be done to improve their performance. In this article I will explain value change in parenting and recent developments in child raising.
This article is easy to understand, clear and with all the information. Suitable for school, study and training. Are you a mother? A good one, perhaps? Or do you know a good mother your very own or a sister or a colleague who is devoted to her life, her family and her children would be the only world she knew.Then please read this article to get a different perspective. If you at least get a second thought about things, which you would have preferably ignored so far, there lays the victory of not just this article but on whole parenthood.
More articles: Parenting Children psychology Child
10 Common Teenage Problems And Solutions | Teenage Social Problems
Teenagers face real concerns, between 13 and 19 years of age, on a daily basis as this is the most awkward growth stage of their lives. During this time, teens are exposed to some overwhelming external and internal struggles.
They go through, and are expected to cope with hormonal changes, puberty, social and parental forces, work and school pressures, and so on.Many teens feel misunderstood. It is vital that their feelings and thoughts are validated and that the validation comes from their parents.
Parents need to approach their children, who have been dealing with teenage growth issues, carefully and in a friendly manner to discuss the concern(s).
The common teenage problems that teenagers face today are usually related to:
- Self-Esteem and Body Image
- Cyber Addiction
- Drinking and Smoking
- Teen Pregnancy
- Underage Sex
- Defiant Behaviors
- Peer-Pressure and Competition
Not surprisingly, all of these common teenage problems are connected to one another, in some way. However it does not mean that having one would lead to the other.
Following are some of the important steps to build a healthy relationship with the teens and handle the concerns effectively. None of the steps/solutions work in isolation and a combination of some or all will be most effective.
Changes in sleep patterns, eating habits, declined interest in normal and healthy activities, dropping grades in school and college, and preferred isolation are all early signs of depression.
Increased demands to perform, competing with friends etc may also lead to unwanted stress.
Being vigilant towards these signs at an early stage may help to block/stop further damage and guide them towards healthy ways of dealing with their concerns.
It is crucial that teens feel validated in their feelings and thoughts because what they are going through is a real part of their lives. Parents and guardians should not judge or criticize their feelings or thoughts.
Being sensitive towards teens and the fact that they are exposed to a range of emotions (puberty being one of the most important experiences) is an important step in understanding their transition. Anger, confusion, jealousy, non-compliant attitudes, dis towards their parents or elders, secrecy/high need for privacy etc.
are few examples of emotions or feelings they have. Defiant behaviors results from their inability to appropriately deal with the intensity of these emotions and aggravate common teenage problems
One of the concerns that stems from curiosity and the need for independence or a sense of control can be experimenting with underage consumption of alcohol or drugs, physical intimacy or teenage pregnancy. It is often believed that educating the child about sex will lead to them wanting to experiment. However, that is a myth.
Talking to your children will enable them to be informed and will remove the “taboo” from the topic. It’s no secret that the level of exposure teens have today, as a result of the Internet is unmatched.
Cyber addiction is the fastest growing problem amongst other common teenage problems. Parents should talk to their teens and make them conscious of cyber safety – and, how to protect themselves from Internet.
Parents may create a list of rules that clearly say when to use the internet, which sites they should visit and what safety measures they should follow and off course clearly discussing “WHY “for the same. However, timely, healthy, factual and regular conversation about these topics will help them make informed choices.
the teen’s opinion or decisions will enhance their self-confidence and self esteem. Most youths’ ability to develop positive self-esteem is affected by family life and parental criticism. Making respect a mutual virtue will help in developing a stronger bond between parents and the child.
Every parent has a different outlook towards parenting. A healthy relationship between the child and parents is the most essential during the teenage years. Communication is the key to developing a rapport, which results in the child feeling comfortable talking to their parents.
Finding the correct balance between being a friend and a parent is important as this will help develop the required rapport. For e.g.
teens facing body image concerns being too fat, too skinny, too tall or too short will benefit from balanced approach towards parenting, which may stem from good rapport.
Trust and Acceptance
Trust is the foundation of any relationship. Spying, cross questioning/checking with friends or doubting will hamper the bond, leading to defiant behaviors such as lying, stealing, hiding and being disrespectful. It is important to accept your teens as they are and to build trust in them. This will help them trust and accept themselves as well as those in their immediate environment.
Communication and Safe Space
A clear communication channel opens up many possibilities. This not only enhances the relationship but also helps the child confide in the parents about sensitive topics bullying, peer pressure and abuse.
Parents need to feel free to talk to their teens about certain common teenage problems dating, sex, drugs, and alcohol. It is this inability to discuss the good and bad points that drives them to take wrong steps curiosity.
Effecting use of communication will foster building of trust, respect and acceptance between the teen and the parent.
With the changing times seeking professional help has became a common practice and more accessible. It is important to empower the teen with the information about seeking help even in the absence of the parent. It is equally important for a parent to be aware of his or her own needs and limitations and being open to seek or accept help.
Concerns that teenagers are faced with today are multifarious but interrelated in many cases. Parents, teachers and other guardians should be well aware of the concerns that today’s teenagers are facing and be prepared to mitigate them to their best abilities.
Be their best friend and guide them without being demanding. The years between 13-19 years are usually classified as turbulent times as the children are going through many growth changes, physically and mentally.
One of the best options is to approach these concerns with empathy and love.
Parents have to find innovative ways to connect with their children and build a relationship to affectively support them during this difficult phase of growing up.
Kruti Shah, School Counselor
JBCN International School Parel
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Posted on: Thursday,2017,Aug,Thu
common teenage problems, Common teenage problems and their solutions,
Parent-Child Relationship Problems
Building and maintaining a relationship with a child takes work. Even the most loving parents must put a lot of time and effort into developing positive relationships with their children.
Yet parents can still have problems with their children, even if they've done everything they can to avoid them. When problems arise, don't spend time lamenting the broken relationship.
Instead, take the necessary steps to fix the problems, and start rebuilding healthy relationships with your children. Whether the children are four or fourteen, it's not too late to start to make the relationship right.
The parent/child relationship plays a critical role in a child's development.
“When kids have dependable, reliable, consistent and stable relationships with their parents, they have a secure base from which they can explore and experience their world, leading to healthy growth and development,” says Erin Tebben, a clinical counselor, who regularly works directly with parents to help improve how they interact with their children.
Tebben also notes that “kids also use their relationships with their parents as models for relationships with others. If they do not have a strong, positive relationship with their parents, it will be much more difficult for them to develop strong, positive relationships as they interact with others.”
While there's no recipe for building a healthy parent/child relationship, parents can do a few things to help build a positive relationship and prevent many of the common relationship problems. For parents, problems can often be avoided or lessened by remembering these three approaches.
- Parents should communicate with their children, encouraging their children to express their emotions and share their needs.
- Parents should provide for their children, meeting both their physical and emotional needs.
- Parents should provide consistent discipline, setting healthy boundaries and making sure kids follow them.
Five Common Relationship Problems
Often, despite a parent's best efforts, parent/child relational problems arise. These problems may start when a child is young or develop as a child gets older and enters different stages of development.
For example, a teenager may show a lack of respect for her parents as she begins to become more self-absorbed and depend more on her friends than her family.
Some problems require a little extra time and focused attention to make them disappear, while others may require parents to drastically change their style of parenting and how they interact with their children on a daily basis.
Lack of Respect
Children who do not respect their parents often show their lack of respect by failing to obey their parents or showing a disregard for their emotions and feelings.
This lack of respect may transfer to a child's self-respect, causing him to make bad choices. It may also transfer to how a child respects others, making him treat others poorly.
While sometimes a lack of respect simply comes as kids begin to rely less on their parents and more on the world, parents can continue to foster a sense of respect by:
- Setting rules and following up with reasonable consequences
- Showing respect to their children
- Modeling respect when interacting with others
- Parenting with confidence; make a decision and stick to it
Parents whose children have made a host of mistakes or who regularly engage in dishonest behaviors may have difficulty trusting their children. In order to rebuild trust in their children, parents need to give them a chance to demonstrate they are worthy of that trust. To build trust, parents should:
- Teach children the importance of being honest.
- Create a plan to help rebuild lost trust.
- React positively when children tell the truth, even if they share negative information.
Children whose parents regularly lie to them, betray their confidence, or fail to follow through on their promises may also experience a lack of trust in the parent/child relationship. Parents can help their children trust them by:
- Not making promises they can't keep
- Following through on promises made
- Keeping private information private
- Talking to children about why something shared in confidence must occasionally be shared with others
- Always being truthful with children
Lack of Communication
A lack of communication can be one of the most frustrating problems for both parents and children.
Parents feel their children don't listen to a word they say, while children feel their parents don't understand them or never take the time to listen.When this happens, instead of working harder to communicate, parents and kids often stop communicating entirely, leading to anger, sadness and a host of other negative emotions.
Parents who have trouble getting their kids to listen should follow a few guidelines when talking to their kids:
- Get on the child's level
- Use positive phrasing
- Offer choices
- Keep it short
- Stay calm
Parents whose children complain they never listen to them should:
- Regularly take time to let children talk
- Avoid responding with strong emotion
- Focus on the child's interests and feelings
- Give children full attention while they're talking
Sometimes the child and parent relationship is thrown off balance. Instead of the parent taking care of the child, the child may feel a need to take care of the parent.
This may happen when a parent expect a child to become more a friend, listening to the parent's problems and providing a social outlet for the parent. It may also happen when parents become depressed, disabled, or otherwise able to care for themselves.
Children may act in ways designed to make mom or dad happy, try to solve family problems on their own, or even simply take on the majority of daily tasks around the home, such as cooking or cleaning.
Parents who find themselves becoming too dependent on their children should:
- Seek out others to provide emotional support
- Set healthy boundaries with your child
- Remind yourself and your child of your roles in the home
Children may also be too dependent on their parents. This may happen when parents regularly make decisions or try to solve problems for their children instead of letting them safely venture out on their own. Children may also act in ways designed to get the approval of their parents, rather than coming up with their own thoughts, ideas, and interests.
When codependence becomes a problem, parents should:
- Give children a chance to take on age-appropriate tasks
- Allow children to safely solve their own problems
- Encourage children to develop their own interests
Physical and Verbal Abuse
Abuse requires immediate help and should be reported, but not all physical and verbal abuse leads to hospital visits, nor does it always take place in the open. In fact, even good parents can occasionally be guilty of abuse.
They may hit a child or inflict pain on a child during a moment of stress. Other parents may use words to demean their children, regularly putting them down, yelling at them, or telling them they are not good enough.
Seek help in situations by contacting the following for help:
- Emergency assistance for immediate danger – Call 911 if a child or parent is in immediate danger.
- Hotlines – Contact a national child abuse hotline Childhelp for help, support, and connection to local authorities.
- Local human services or assistance programs – Call your local state agency to report and seek assistance.
If you are or suspect someone is abusing your child, getting help through therapy and other programs can help to lessen the impact on a child and improve your parenting style.
Child abuse is clearly a parent problem and the focus on fixing it is on the parent – but children will react to abuse in different ways.
While an abusive parent may not always recognize that he or she is being abusive, there are few things parents can do to stop abuse should it happen:
- Seek the help of a professional, a therapist, counselor or doctor
- Look for signs of fear when a child approaches
- Listen to a child and stop negative behaviors if a child cries or says she is hurt
- Pay attention to other adults who express concerns
- Take a moment to step away and breathe when tempted to act anger
- Use only positive words and phrases when talking with children
Occasionally, children may also abuse their parents. As children grow stronger, they can start to hit, bite, or physically attack their parents in other ways. They may also start to call their parents names or criticize them in other ways.
Children may abuse their parents when they get angry and do not how to control their emotions, when they want to gain control, or even when they are under the influence of alcohol or illegal substances. Abused parents do not have to sit back and allow their children to abuse them.
Instead they should take steps to stop the abuse, which include:
- Getting professional help for the family and/or the child. In extreme cases, this could be a medical emergency that requires immediate psychological help through an inpatient psychiatric facility. Especially if they are seriously harming others.
- Respond firmly, but calmly
- Helping the child find healthy ways to express anger
- Not retaliating or responding in kind
Rebuilding a Positive Relationship
Rebuilding a positive relationship with a child takes three main components: love, structure, and time. “Kids need a balance of things in order to grow and thrive. They need love and warmth and they also need structure and consistency.
Frequently, when parents and children report feeling dissatisfied with their relationships with each other, the balance between love and warmth and structure and consistency is thrown off.
Kids also need time from their parents and they need to know that they will have time from their parents when they need it,” says Tebben.
Solving Your Problems
While some parent/child relationship problems may require a professional, such as a social worker or counselor, to step in, most parents and children can solve their problems on their own. Parents need to communicate to their children that they love them and that they have their best interests at heart.
They also need to take the time to interact with their children, figure out what may be at the root of the problem, and also give children time to share their emotions and needs.
When parents and children take the time to communicate with one another regularly and act the mutual love they have for one another, most problems will become temporary obstacles rather than major roadblocks in the relationship.