Prayer To Overcome Fear Of Losing A Baby
5 Sure-fire Ways to Overcome Fear and Anxiety Today
Legend has it that Nasrudin was walking alone at night when he saw a group of people approaching in the far distance.
Instantly, his imagination began to toy with him: “They are surely robbers!” he thought.
“No, why just robbers? Murderers, cutthroats! About to set upon me, a lonely traveller, leave me for dead and steal all my possessions! How are my wife and children going to cope without me?!”
Nasrudin's heart began to pound. His mouth became as dry as his palms became wet. He shook from head to toe and found himself breathing an unfit man running to the finishing line of his first marathon.
Having thoroughly terrified himself, he stumbled into a nearby graveyard and cowered shaking inside an open tomb, awaiting his fate. Meanwhile, the harmless strangers, worried by his dramatic behaviour, approached him and looked with concern down into the tomb. “What, pray, are you doing down there?” they asked.
Nasrudin, calming down quickly, said: “Well, put it this way: I am here because of you and you are here because of me!” (1)
Imagination is a tool to be used, but how many people misuse it to torment themselves? Imagination and emotionality are closely linked and what we imagine can feel very real to us (even when it isn't at all).As the author Katherine Paterson once said: “To fear is one thing. To let fear grab you by the tail and swing you around is another.”
If you find yourself becoming overly anxious, use the following steps to help you calm down and start to regain control.
1) Breathing is the short circuit for anxiety
I know I know, you hear a lot about 'deep breathing' to help you relax and reduce anxiety, but bear with me.
Quicker, shallower breathing is the first trigger which catapults all the other anxious symptoms into action. So by controlling breathing you control all the other anxiety symptoms as well.
If you purposely breathe out longer than you breathe in, your body has to calm right down (regardless of what tricks your imagination is playing on you).
So if you start to feel fearful:
- Focus on your breath
- Take a breath in (to the quick count of 7 in your mind)
- Then slowly breathe out (to the quick count of 11 in your mind)
If you do this for a minute or so, you'll be amazed how quickly you've calmed down. We call this '7/11 breathing' but the numbers are up to you, just as long as the out-breath is longer than the in-breath.
“That's all very well!” I hear you say. “But when I get anxious I forget everything and all good advice goes out the window!”
Good point and well made. This brings us to…
2) Prepare for peaceful performance
If you get anxious and fear upcoming events, you'll notice that just thinking about that interview, speech, or whatever will start to cause physical responses – namely, anxiety.
So you might be thinking about next Wednesday's dental appointment and find yourself breathing more quickly or your palms getting moist. This in turn primes your body to become even more anxious in the actual situation and so the vicious cycle continues. And note the role of the imagination in priming your mind and body to feel fearful (see opening story).
But you're going to find that breathing in a relaxed 7/11 way whilst imagining the upcoming situation ahead of time calms the association down, priming your mind to feel more relaxed naturally and automatically when the actual situation arrives.
So when you find yourself thinking about the future event, do 7/11 breathing.
One symptom of too much fear or anxiety is not being able to think clearly (Nasrudin stumbled into the nearest tomb!). This happens because the emotional part of the brain 'swamps' the thinking part so as to avoid, say, over-analysis getting in the way of running Bejessus from a lion.
But in most modern situations we want to retain clear thought. And keeping your 'thinking brain' working actually calms you right down. The next step helps you do that.
3) Use a different part of your brain
When we become very anxious, it's harder to think clearly. But if we force ourselves to use parts of 'the thinking brain', this will dilute the emotion and begin to calm you down.
The easiest way to do this is with numbers. You can scale your own fear from 1 to 10, 10 being the most terrified it's possible to be and 1 being the ultimate relaxed state.
When you're feeling anxious, ask yourself: “Okay what number on the scale am I right now? Am I a 7, or a 5?” Just doing this will lower anxiety because it kick-starts the thinking brain, diluting the emotion and automatically making you calmer.I recall the first time I gave a speech to three hundred people. Just before I was about to start, I was feeling more anxious than I would have d.
So I scaled myself at a 6, breathed longer out than in for a few moments, and waited for myself to go down to a 3 before starting. I took control.
Scaling (sometimes known as 'grading') your fear puts a 'fence' around it, making it more manageable, and forces you to think.
4) Get control of your imagination
Fear and anxiety thrive when we imagine the worst. We developed imagination to be able to project into the future so we can plan ahead.
However, a side effect of being able to imagine possible positive futures is being able to imagine things going wrong. A bit of this is useful; after all, there really might be muggers or loan sharks.
But uncontrolled imagination is a nesting ground for anxiety and fear that can spoil otherwise happy lives.
Some people misuse their imagination chronically and so suffer much more anxiety than those who either future-project their imaginations constructively or who don't tend to think about the future much at all. Anxious, chronic worriers tend to misuse their imaginations to the extent that upcoming events feel catastrophes waiting to happen. No wonder whole lives can be blighted by fear and anxiety.
Some people don't even really know they are doing this. So:
- Sit down and do your 7/11 breathing.
- Count yourself down from whatever number you deem yourself to be to a 2 or a 1.
- Imagine seeing yourself in the situation you were dreading, but see yourself being calm, composed, cool, and comfortable and things going well. Doing this starts to recondition your mind to feel calmer and more upbeat about upcoming events or regular situations which were causing anxiety.
Or let me do this for you by clicking on the free audio below:
5) Use the AWARE technique
Fear and anxiety can feel as if they 'just happen to us', but we have much more control than we realize. AWARE is an acronym standing for:
A: Accept the anxiety. Don't try to fight it.
W: Watch the anxiety. Just watch it and when you notice it, scale your level of fear and start to breathe longer on the out-breath.
A: Stands for 'Act normally'. Carry on talking or behaving as if nothing is different. This sends a powerful signal to your unconscious mind that its over-dramatic response is actually not needed because nothing that unusual is going on. fire fighters coming out and seeing that no emergency is happening and so going back to the fire station.
R: Repeat the above steps in your mind if necessary.
E: Expect the best. One of the greatest feelings in life is the realization that you can control fear much more than you thought possible.
Overcoming fear and anxiety will give you the 'spare capacity' in life to focus on what you really want to be and do. It takes effort, but imagine the rewards.
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Have You Tried This Way to Overcome Fear?
Last week we were once again reminded of the dangers in our world. In the aftermath fear has entered in, but most fear we are not sure where we should focus it. ISIS claimed responsibility, but who are they and where are they located. People fear the Syrian refugees flooding into many countries. Christians fear all Muslims as possible suspects.
Fear clouds our thinking because it focuses on problems and extrapolates potential problems that may happen later. Fear steals our hope. Fear attempts to prepare us for the potential problems, but it actually stops us from living.
Fear comes at us in many ways. Just yesterday it tried to enter my life. I share this story to highlight a way to overcome fear.
Getting Around in China Can Be Tricky
Getting around in China can be tricky. When you think of a highly populous nation, traffic can be chaotic. Add to this Chinese traffic rules don’t mirror those that I grew up with in America. The person who has the right of way is not the direction of the traffic as much as who gets there first. If you get your nose in front, you have the right of way.
This somehow works out well in the everyday traffic on the roads. The danger comes from traffic entering from side streets. They will jump out in front of you with the smallest openings giving you very little time to react.
I must admit most of this added pressure on the road is somewhat exciting. There is a lot more energy exerted than the short run to Trader Joe’s back home.One additional obstacle we face is there are more than just cars on the road. There are scooters en masse, bikes, pedestrians, buses, road construction, parked cars in the road, and all of these coming from any direction.
There have been cars completely stopped in the middle lane of the expressway. There have been a herd of cows or goats down main roads. Then there are the grandmas with babies strapped to their backs hopping over barricades to cross the street.
In order to drive in China, you need to be prepared for anything.
Awaiting the Impact
Yesterday I was driving my electric scooter with my two girls piled on. They had a class with some other kids a short drive from our apartment. As we were coming home, my oldest was squished on the floorboard, and my youngest was balanced on my seat in front of me, and I was carrying a load of supplies in a backpack. It wasn’t as loaded as some other bikes, but we were full.
You can probably already tell where I’m going. We were coming down the street when another scooter decided to pull out from a side street and stop in front of us.
If I was alone I may have been able to avoid him with a quick stop or a sudden swerve of the bike. But with my two precious treasure on board, I was limited in my choices.
I did my best to stop but was just a bit too slow and hit the bike that stopped perpendicularly in front of me.
As we fell I tried my best to slow the descent. I quickly got my leg down, but the momentum was more than I could offset. My oldest hit her head hard on the front of the e-bike but pretty much stayed on the floorboard. My youngest however came out head first to the street.
Was Everyone OK?
As we lay on the ground, a crowd immediately was present. People were already suggesting we go to the hospital. Across the street people had their cellphones out to take pictures. But as I laid on the ground, fear crashed in. Was everyone ok?
I reached for Elizabeth who had come out head first. She had a slight scratch on her nose. Rachel said she was fine and started speaking in Chinese to the bystanders.
The guy we hit was immediately on us trying to pull us off the ground. I resisted to make sure that adrenaline was not hiding real injuries. Then Elizabeth’s nose started to bleed.She said it didn’t hurt, but it definitely added to the drama.
We all ended up a little sore, but for the most part safe. But in that moment I was completely control of the situation. In that moment I was depended on fate to guide the destiny of my precious girls.
Here is a Way to Overcome Fear
Fear wanted to set up a place in my heart. How many more circumstances in my life am I completely at the mercy of the actions of others? How much can I really control?
In that moment still on the ground with cars and buses driving by, I took my girls and started to thank God with them for His protection. With blood dripping on the street, we recognized our only true protection was from God. Instead of focusing on potential of more accidents, we recommitted the focus of our thoughts to how God protects us every moment of every day.
Fear tries to get us to focus on the problems or the potential of future problems. In order to break its hold we need to focus on God’s provisions and the steadfast hope we have that He will be there again. The way to overcome fear is to actively thank God. Thanksgiving is our key to overcome.
Next week America will celebrate Thanksgiving. It’s coming at just the right time. We need this reminder of all the things for which we are thankful. Instead of spreading fear, let’s tell of our thanksgiving. You can start on the comments below. I would love to join with you in the news of God’s goodness to you. May this be the start of a season of seeing more of God’s provisions.
Kevin Shorter is the founder of this prayer-coach site and have served for several years in ministry and churches teaching on a variety of Biblical topics. Go to the contact page to request him to speak at your conferences and seminars.
10 Tips On How To Overcome The Fear Of Losing Someone
You are scared of losing your partner and it makes you give yourself away more than you should. You start to see how your life would be miserable without him and that you need him under any conditions.
This mindset can become really depressing at times and it makes you forget about how valuable you are as a person and that you’re an individual who can do really well all by herself.
Of course, I’m not trying to tell you to leave him so you can experiment if you could live without him, I’m just giving you ways in which you can prevent yourself from thinking about it so much that even the most simple thought about it makes you cry.
1. Realize that your fear is quite normal
First of all, let’s get this clear—your fear is something normal and if you love him, your reaction to the thought of losing him and the sadness you feel are normal reactions. The problem starts the moment when it starts to consume you.
When you can’t be happy while being with your partner because of the constant bug in your head, your relationship can’t progress in the way it should. You’re stuck with that idea and you simply can’t let go of it.
Remember that the fear of losing a loved one is normal and we all experience it, but you don’t need to worry about it to the point where you stop enjoying the present moment!
2. Put your partner in second place
You should be your own priority. You should never give up something you love because of him and you shouldn’t be dedicating all of your time and energy into the relationship.
You need it for yourself! With the urge for self-improvement, you will completely forget about your fear because you will be the one who is the most important person in your life. Even if your partner does leave you, you’ll know that you didn’t give up on your dreams for him.
By the way, this doesn’t mean to be selfish and to forget about him or your relationship, to never have time for him, etc, it just means that you will be more aware of the fact that even if he leaves, you will still have a fulfilled life.
3. Spend time alone
This goes together with the previous tip. When you spend more time with yourself, you will get a sense of independence. You will know that your happiness isn’t in the hands of someone else, but rather in your own. Simply relax and stop running after him.
4. Write it down
Every time you feel the fear creeping in, take a notebook and write it down, as I promise you that at some point it will start to look silly to you. By doing this you will get more conscious of the fear and you will recognize it when it comes.
Write it down simply to know what situation triggered this fear and how to avoid these situations.
For example, if you’re home alone and your toxic thoughts are consuming your mind, you can sit down and write, then after, forget about that topic and set your mind on thinking about a project you have at work and how to deal with it or put on a movie that makes you laugh your heart out. These things helped me a lot.
5. Talk with your partner
Because I’m speaking here personal experience, I know for sure that communication can save you from a lot of nights spent crying. By talking with your partner, he will know how much the relationship means to you and that you appreciate him. He can even reassure you how something that won’t happen and it will make you feel at ease.
6. Realize that you can’t control everything
If someone’s going to leave, they will leave. You can’t keep them by your side if they don’t want to be there. Why would you even want someone that in your life? There is nothing they can give you anymore. Let them leave.
It may be hard and it may leave you heartbroken, but no one will be happy if your partner is talking about breaking up and all you do is cry and scream to convince him to stay.
If he doesn’t want to, he probably doesn’t love you, so why bother?
7. You’re not the only one dealing with this
In this world, there are so many people who were left by their loved ones.
It can even happen on a daily basis! This means that you won’t be the first or the last person who is being left by someone who is very important in your life.
I know that this isn’t the advice you were looking for but it’s the truth. There are so many women who are happy with being alone and who don’t need someone to remind them that they’re beautiful.
8. Do what you can to make the best it
Never let the fear of losing him keep you from showing how much he means to you! Spend time with him and tell him everything you need to to make him feel loved. If he loves you, he will do the same thing for you! This will strengthen your relationship and, even if it comes to an end, you will have wonderful memories to hold on to.
9. Trust in your ability to overcome heartbreak
You are a strong woman who has dealt with many situations where people would leave you and you’re still alive. You overcame all those times someone broke you and you’re still around.
You can overcome anything! If it gets to this point ever again, you need to trust yourself enough to know that you can deal with it and that it’s nothing to be afraid of.
Life goes on and you will need time to heal but it’s going to be worth it!
10. They can never actually leave your life totally
Even if someone you love does leave you, they still live on in your memory and you had an amazing time with them even if they’re not by your side anymore. They are the ones who made you into the person you are today and you need to be thankful that they were there to make your life richer.