Prayer Singles Who Are Wanting To Be Married
Why Men Stay Single: 5 Reasons that might Surprise You
If you’re a woman who’s finally decided to settle down and look for that serious man ready for marriage, you’ve probably met or dated more than your share of men who seem to have all the requirements necessary for marriage, but just aren’t interested in tying the knot.
Sure, some of these guys might just not be ready to marry YOU, but it’s safe to say that many of them really aren’t ready, or don’t want, to marry period.
Age plays no factor in this. Men in their early 40’s can be as unwilling or unready to marry as men in their early 20’s. On the other hand, there are plenty of men who marry right college. In the “good ole’ days”, most men (and women) in their early 20’s would be married with a child or two. So what happened? Why do so many men stay single?
Some men will attempt to claim that they just haven’t met the “right one”, but the overwhelming majority will admit (if pressed) that there was at least one woman in their dating past that they could have married had they wanted to.
So the question stands: Why do men stay single?
The following reasons are in no particular order. Different ones apply to different men. You can choose the one(s) that fits best.
There are many benefits to marriage. Freedom is not one of them.
There are many benefits to marriage. Freedom is not one of them. Click To Tweet
When you’re single you go where you want, when you want. You eat whatever, whenever. You are the sole master of your free time. Want to hang out and go drinking with the boys tonight? Not a problem. Feel taking a road trip with a buddy.
Go for it! When you’re married, and especially when you’ve got kids, it’s not so easy to exercise your carpe diem impulse and gallop off into the sunset (at least it isn’t for the majority of married men).
Instead, you’ve got to consider the feelings and desires of your beloved, who might not exactly agree with your latest solo plan.When you’re single, you spend your money however you see fit. Want a motorcycle, or maybe a two seat sports car “chick magnet”? Well, you might need to settle for something more practical and family friendly. Instead of only shopping for yourself, you’ll find yourself shopping for your spouse and/or kids, and be lucky if you have something left over for your own pleasure.
To use an old Seinfeld expression (albeit context), when you are single you are the master of your domain. Marriage changes all of that. Some guys just don’t want to give up their freedom.
Being a single guy is going out on patrol in a combat zone every day not knowing what you will run into. Who knows what woman you’ll run into and want to “get to know” better? Every subway ride or trip to Whole Foods is an opportunity for new adventure.
Every bar or party becomes a high stakes, adrenalin pumping challenge no less exciting than a twilight lion hunt on Safari in Kenya.
So what if you come up empty handed? There’s always tomorrow, right? Many guys don’t want to give this up, even if it only exists in their dreams.
The (sad) truth is that no matter how awesome your marriage is and how crazy you are about your spouse, it’s almost impossible to ever experience that same feeling you did when you first met someone new and had that first kiss — and that first sexual experience. It might still be awesome with your spouse, but it’s different. It’s not the “first time”, with all the excitement and adrenaline that comes with that.
3. Fantasy Quest
Every man has an image (or 2 or 3) of their ideal, fantasy babe. She often bears a remarkable resemblance to one of the latest Sports Illustrated swimsuit models, or one of the many erotic stars that make regular appearances during late night private browsing sessions.
Since none of the real life women they meet match up to their fantasy partners, some men choose to keep looking until they find one that does. And they keep looking, and looking. As long as they hold on to their dream of finding her, they will never be able to commit to a normal, attractive, flesh and blood woman.
If they do commit, they might miss their opportunity to be with fantasy Barbi. Ya never know, right?
4. Fear of Responsibility
With marriage comes responsibility. You don’t need to be a super hero to understand that. With children comes HUGE responsibility. Now that’s scary!
Having a spouse these days doesn’t really add much responsibility to a man’s life other than fidelity (which unfortunately, for some men is too hard to handle) and visiting the in-laws (hopefully not too often). Having kids is another ballgame. A man might suddenly become the family’s sole earner while expenses go through the roof.
Then there’s late night or early morning wake ups, diaper changes, babysitting, diaper changes, exhausted (cranky) wives, diaper changes, and diaper changes.Some men just don’t want any part of it and would rather sit around in their underwear drinking bear, watching football, dreaming of their fantasy woman, and enjoying a quiet, full night’s sleep.
Fear of responsibility goes hand in hand with “freedom” (reason #1). The truth is that most married men have their moments where they envy their single friends, and with good reason.
Let’s face it, the single life can be awesome.
But that doesn’t mean that they would trade their status as husband and father for another shot at singlehood — well, on the other hand, the huge divorce rate today, many are choosing to do just that.
In any case, the fear of responsibility reason for men staying single still holds true and makes a lot of sense.
5. Never Really Grew Up
Marriage and children are for responsible adults who want to share and give. A good marriage depends on sharing and giving. Being a parent is 100% giving without expecting anything in return. Children are inherently selfish.
Their primary concern is to get what they want when they want. They spend their days eating, sleeping, and playing. They’re not responsible for contributing anything. All they need to do is follow basic rules and instructions, and have fun.
Some men never grow up and remain perpetual children… and they it that way.
Some men never grow up and remain perpetual children – and they it that way. Click To Tweet
The purpose of this article is not to trash single men. There are lots of men out there who really do want to be in a loving and committed relationship. Many of them are hopefully on our Jewish dating site. But timing is really everything.
Almost every man transitions through a period where at least one of the above 5 reasons applies to him. It just depends on how long that stage lasts. For some men it might last a couple of years. For others a decade or two. For some, a lifetime.
Someone once compared men to taxi cabs. When they become available and the light goes on, they pick up the first person they see. The trick then is to find the right man when his light goes on — when he’s ready for a relationship. When the light is off, beware. You might be caught waiting for a long time.
**************************** If you need personal dating and relationship advice, you've come to the right place. To get answers to your specific questions or scenarios, click here.
4 Biblical Truths For Singles Who Desire To Be Married
Dear Single Ladies,
The Lord has put it on my heart to share these truths with you. I hope that it will be an encouragement to you and I hope that together we can renew our minds concerning marriage.
1. You shouldn’t be ashamed to desire marriage.
The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18
It can sometimes feel selfish to want to be married, but marriage is a blessing that God wants you to desire. Simply wanting to be in a relationship with physical benefits without the covenant is selfish, that is the way of our culture.
But God’s way raises the bar and calls us to be in true covenant. As we delight in the Lord, we will see his heart in the institution of marriage and truly desire it. In the beginning when God created the world, he said that everything was good except for the fact that Adam was alone.
In today’s culture, when we are alone we try to fill that void with unequally yoked relationships, experiences and even careers, but when God saw that Adam was alone he gave him a wife.
If anyone ever tries to make you feel selfish for wanting marriage, gently remind them that it was God’s idea.
2. Satan wants to destroy your hope for marriage.
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy”. John 10:10
Satan is very subtle in his method for destroying your hope of marriage. He uses your friends, family and even church to keep your discouraged.
The first thing that usually happens if a woman even mentions that she desires marriage is that she is quickly redirected and told that she should not think about it and just focus on other things.
Many men who love the Lord are being attacked in their sexuality, careers, identity and finances and are not ready to seriously pursue marriage.Satan wants to destroy our hope for marriage because he knows that when women have even an ounce of hope and faith that she will pray feverently and the prayers of the righteous availeth much.
Christian marriages produce Christian children who will spread the truth of God’s kingdom throughout the earth. Satan will do anything he can to stop that.
3. Being single doesn’t mean something is wrong with you.
You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you. Song of Song 4:7
Deep down women may believe that something is wrong with them and marriage becomes something that they have to earn or deserve.
One Saturday night, I cried out to the Lord because I had just accepted that my singleness was all my fault and that something was wrong with me.
After all, people always asked me why I was still single. People always felt the need to give me advice of what I needed to do if I wanted men to be interested.
That Sunday a woman from my church who I’d rarely spoken to stopped me in the parking lot to tell me that God told her to tell me that “There was nothing wrong with me”. I was amazed that God not only heard my prayer but spoke His answer so powerfully to me.
There are so many educated, accomplished and kind women who love the Lord and are beautiful who are still single. There is nothing wrong with you.
4. If you want it, you should prepare for it.
“But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt” James 1:6
Single women often disguise their doubt as independence or even spirituality. One moment we say that we are believing God for a husband and the next moment we are saying that we don’t have time for that in our lives or that we are just too focused on God to even consider marriage.
When asking God for something, we must also do our part by preparing for it. We must make up our mind concerning marriage.
True belief is combined with action. Some women say that they are believing God for a husband but they are not preparing themselves to be a wife.If you believe someone is coming to your house for dinner the corresponding action is to clean your guest bathroom, set the table, dust, etc.
Some of us say that we are believing God for a husband but our spiritual and emotional house is messy because we are not really preparing for him.
Ask yourself if your actions show that you truly believe God will answer your prayers for a husband.
We need to have a frank discussion about marriage | Tauriq Moosa
Marriage, as most know it in western countries, is regarded as the end goal of a relationship between (usually) a man and woman, and it normally has some sort of religious component. Marriage is regarded as “sacred”. Weddings are planned that few really want to attend; pointless dresses are worn never to be seen again; awkward family photos are taken.
Being married supposedly conveys respectability. We regard it as “settling down”, indicative of stability. For some reason we even congratulate people who are already in a relationship for, basically, signing papers (or just changing statuses) and calling it an engagement. We spend unnecessarily large amounts on engagement and wedding rings.
Yet, with low marriage rates (the US marriage rate is the lowest it's been in a century) and high divorce rates, more single (by choice) parents (not to mention gay marriage), increasing numbers of people abandoning religious traditions as a whole, and people living happier lives because they only even consider marriage later, we should thoroughly reassess the importance of marriage.
Indeed, well-known people have already done so: Oprah Winfrey unashamedly remains unmarried to her life partner of 20 years; powerful Hollywood couple Brad Pitt and Angelina have children, adopted and biological, but remain unmarried. Many of those who live in public eye are unafraid of dismissing marriage as the end goal. They don't need a marriage certificate or label to be happy.
Thus, why get married at all?
Marriage myth 1: It's tradition
One response usually involves tradition, religion, family and/or culture. None of these is sufficient, however, for marriage – or any activity.
To act solely according to what families want would be not only archaic but immoral: just because someone wants something doesn't mean he should get it nor that his demand is right.
Parents who, for example, force their child into marriage are increasingly being regarded as committing a crime in westernised countries. Their mere desire doesn't make forced marriage right.
A parental desire doesn't have automatic moral soundness (let alone legality).
Love shouldn't be completely unconditional, but it also shouldn't be a gun to the throat. It is our lives, and compromises can usually – but not always – be reached.
Getting married for the sake of your religion also seems problematic: aside from those who are not religious, actions aren't right just because a religion demands them.
Marriage myth 2: It's a public declaration of love
The second argument you often hear is that marriage is a declaration of love. It's about “showing” we're settled, our partners are “off the market”, and we're in a position to build a family. Most of this, however, is a display for others. Plenty of monogamous couples maintain stable, healthy relationships without rings or certificates to “prove” loyalty.
Indeed, who are we trying to prove our love to? Our proof should be our treatment of each other: anything else is addition, not basis. There is more to be worried about if we need to “secure” someone, a raging animal, with a ring or certificate or other public stamp.
Furthermore, as high divorce rates show, being tied to one person doesn't work out for many, especially for the rest of our lives. Compromises can be made. Couples now swing, maintain open marriages, and so on. But this should only make us question why we're still devoted to the “one true love” ideal in the first place.
Marriage myth 3: Married couples make better parents
Of course, there's evidence to support the idea that married couples make better parents and families than, say, single parents. Some of this is because there hasn't been much research into alternative family structures, although that will ly change since trends are changing.
All that said, it's not marriage alone that gives couples magical parent powers: it's the stability of a home, a good relationship, a great support basis. Certificates and rings don't do that: mature, honest, good people do – for themselves and each other. And, further, the assumption that every adult or couple wants children is false.
Marriage myth 4: You get better legal and financial benefits
There's no denying this as perhaps the best of the terrible reasons for marriage. Married couples get certain legal and economic benefits we otherwise can't get.
The 1,138 benefits in the US alone are noteworthy, as many are all over the world. Social security, property, visitation rights, travel benefits and tax breaks. It's an express option on tax filing, health and travel (not exactly romantic.
The Book of Common Prayer should read: “Till taxes do us part”.)
Any marriage solely for tax benefits needs help. It doesn't tell us anything about the relationship itself, save that the couple want benefits from the state. It's not that much different from the infamous “green card” scenarios, where citizenship is obtained or a visa extended due to marrying a local. But this, too, undermines what many think marriage is – or should be.Further, we should question why only one kind of relationship is recognised: namely the monogamous kind. Monogamy should be an option, not mandatory, on any level – let alone the legal and financial.
You could argue that the state needs some way to recognise stability. If marriage is the only way, then perhaps the state and I can nod and wink as we pass each other our papers for our mutual benefit.
Similarly, this assumes the state should be involved in marriage at all, which itself requires serious consideration. If as adults we can decide how to spend the rest our lives, we can, on a case-by-case basis, say, draw up legal documents.
Then, as Edward Morrisey points out:
Those who choose to cohabit in non-traditional relationships have ample options for formalizing their arrangements through [this] private contract process, which government enforces but does not sanction. That leaves adults free to choose whatever sexual arrangements they desire outside of the actual prohibitions that are objectively applied to everyone. That is actual freedom and equality.
Thus, if possible, even for these important economic and legal reasons marriage appears unnecessary. In the UK, for example, people can draw up similar documents to those of married couples. There's no reason unmarried but cohabiting couples should be denied those rights earmarked solely for the married.
Why should anyone have to pass a government's arbitrary, and usually archaic, notion of what constitutes a stable relationship to obtain benefits? If much can be done from a legal and contractual side without marriage, then marriage loses all credibility.
The “sanctity” of marriage – whatever that really means – has long been undermined for conservatives by: high divorce rates, polyandry and polygamy, gay marriage, recognition that there's no “one” way marriage has always been, and so on. But, aside from these, we should wonder at marriage's necessity.
We want a society in which we're all treated equally adults. Marriage as the assumed end goal of social life creates a stigma on unmarried people who are viewed as, for example, less stable, meaning they're less ly to be able to adopt children – despite such people being as stable as married people.My point isn't eradication of marriage, but rethinking marriage's importance and assumptions.
This could help open all people up to different kinds of sexual and romantic interactions they might otherwise never experience – or, at the very least, increase tolerance, since society isn't rewarding only one kind of relationship.
It could help lessen stigma and actually treat all citizens – single, in relationships or otherwise – with respect. Marriage's benefits, of stability, legal ease and economic pay offs can still be met, without institutionalisation.
All this shouldn't deter fights for things gay marriage – indeed, that cause also is about undermining marriage assumptions and norms.
For myself, I can see no reason that sufficiently makes marriage, in general, a viable option worth wanting or supporting. I would much rather live in a society that had little interest in my relationship life, but protected me and everyone nevertheless.
It's not a black-and-white situation of total societal interest or disinterest. Keep marriage, if you so want, but it shouldn't hamper or restrict others from benefits or equal treatment, especially when there appears so little reason for having it.
“,”author”:null,”date_published”:”2014-01-04T12:00:00.000Z”,”lead_image_url”:”//i.guim.co.uk/img/static/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2012/12/20/1356012443567/Divorce-010.jpg?width=1200&height=630&quality=85&auto=format&fit=crop&overlay-align=bottom%2Cleft&overlay-width=100p&overlay-base64=L2ltZy9zdGF0aWMvb3ZlcmxheXMvdGctb3BpbmlvbnMucG5n&enable=upscale&s=3907cf5864a8cad4d613e199eb83d0bc”,”dek”:”The reasons people normally cite for getting hitched no longer make sense. We should be asking: why get married at all?
Why Christian Singles Are Marrying Later
We’re back with Francis Chan, who is kind enough to join us today and tomorrow. Francis and his wife Lisa are the authors of the new book, “You and Me Forever: Marriage in Light of Eternity.
” As you know, Francis, men and women are postponing marriage later and later — even among Christians in the church — but they still have the full intent of marriage.
What is this trend doing to the church and what is it doing to the institution of Christian marriage?
The Marriage Bed
I believe that at least 90 percent of those who are postponing marriage are already sleeping together, so they don’t see a big need to rush. There is no sense of “I want to get married to really consummate this.”
I mean, there is so much immorality in the church, and it is disgusting. People need to know that God hates that. Don’t fool yourself by saying, “We are going to get married anyway at some point. We are in love.”
I would respond by saying, “No, you don’t understand. You are a temple of the Holy Spirit. You are a member of Christ and you are joining yourself, basically, to a prostitute. You are entering into a union that God wants nothing to do with.”This is an immoral practice, and I believe there is more and more of that in the church. It is becoming more and more acceptable. It is still just as heinous in God’s eyes as it has always been. And so don’t fool yourself.
I really do believe that premarital sex is the main reason why people are okay to postpone marriage. Sexually people are exploring and messing around and dishonoring God.
It is destroying the church and its members in so many ways because now they feel guilty. They don’t feel they can be used by the Lord. And, honestly, because of their unrepentant heart, their prayers aren’t being answered.
That is probably not the answer you are looking for.
Ignoring the Mission
The other thing is that some of the postponing of marriage is because people are not seeing a lot of marriages they want to become .
Often you see these singles who are radically on fire for the Lord and serving him, and then they get married. Once people get married either they spend all of their days enjoying each other and neglecting the mission, or they start fighting with each other, and they are in counseling all the time and ignoring the mission.
It doesn’t seem really exciting to either idolize your family to the neglect of the mission, or to be in such a desperate state of just trying to get along that you are not really accomplishing anything for the kingdom. That is another reason.
I don’t want to make it all about immorality, although I do believe that we are not doing so well in the area of purity within the church.
Starting a Marriage and a Church
Talk more about marriage on mission and how old were you when you were married?
I was 26 and Lisa was 22. We were both virgins when we got married.
Two or three weeks into the marriage, I looked at her and I said, “I know we have never talked about this, but suddenly I feel God wants me to start a church.
And this would mean, if it is okay, you work and support us, if that is all right. Because I don’t want to take any money from the church. I don’t even know if anyone is going to show up.”
So that is how our marriage started: “Let’s gather some people in the home. Let’s start the church.” Eventually that became Cornerstone Church, and I ended up shepherding there for seventeen years.
Live as Though You Had None
How would you explain this conviction from Scripture?
I would start in 1 Corinthians 7 and explain from Scripture what Paul is saying about how marriage has the potential of distracting us from this undistracted devotion to the Lord. He tells the married couples, “Hey, those who are married, live as though you are not” (see 1 Corinthians 7:29).
What is he talking about there? Why would the apostle Paul who says, “Husbands, love your wives,” also say, “Hey, those who are married should live as though they are not.”
There is also another truth: there is something bigger than you just enjoying each other. The time is short, and that is why he says: “Those who are married, live as though you are not.” You know, it is just there is something bigger than the two of you.If you just spend your days enjoying each other, you are going to miss out on something greater. You also don’t want to set that example for your kids. It is also unbiblical.
Find other recent and popular Ask Pastor John episodes.
Why Get Married? – Is marriage worth the sacrifice? – Marriage
Marriage has been getting a bad rap lately, and it’s entirely unjustified. Decades of studies on human wellbeing provide the same conclusions consistently: By every measure, marriage wins over staying single or living without ceremony with another individual.By every measure, marriage wins over staying single or living without ceremony with another individual.
Married people live longer, stay physically and mentally healthier, are kinder to each other, and are less ly to abuse one another. They experience less physical pain, feel more secure, make more money, retire with more assets, and are more ly to say they are happy with their lives than their cohorts who have stayed formal marriage or been divorced.
Similarly, the children of marriages are healthier, happier, smarter, safer, and contribute more to the rest of society.1
You may find it strange, but living with another individual without the ceremony provides almost none of those advantages. We are homo ritualis, creatures molded by ritual.2
Is Marriage Risky?
Yes, there are risks. Yes, there is commitment. There is no difference between these sacrifices and those we make today to get a solid education, or to retire in comfort.Yes, there are fights, tears and emotional turmoil. Yes, there are sacrifices.
But there is no difference between these sacrifices and those we make today to get a solid education, find a well-paying job, make long-term financial investments and prepare to retire in comfort. No difference, other than that the payoff is so much greater.
As for the risks: as with a home or a car, with proper maintenance and precipitous action those can all be greatly reduced.
Yes, that’s hard work. Everything good is hard work. Good, healthy fun is also hard work. That’s what makes it good—because it’s something you achieved through your persevering, don’t-let-go-don’t-ever-let-go hard work.
So what have we done to marriage? What was wrong with it that we so easily threw it away? Why have so many otherwise intelligent people deliberately attacked and torn apart such a precious institution?
Truthfully, I can only see one cause. Society acts as an organism. When it feels it has lost its viability, it triggers its own demise.
The decline of marriage is the soulless, impotent non-culture of secularism shutting down its mechanisms of reproduction, atomizing into unconnected individuals, preparing the bed of its own extinction.Without a sense of the transcendental, there is no oxygen left for life to breathe.
As Rabbi Jonathan Sacks put it, “Having children and raising them involves enormous sacrifice . . . religious people understand the concept of sacrifice . . . (but) throughout history, people in a secular, consumerist, individualist culture find it much harder to live by sacrifice.”3
To marry is to have faith in life. To believe that there is purpose to humankind, and eternal meaning to your own existence.4
Marriage on a Higher Plane
The truth is that marriage is much more than a commitment to life with another person.Marriage is a choice to live on a higher plane. It is a choice to live life on a higher plane.
Look at the world around you—a plethora of living beings and things, each traveling its own road in its own direction, each fighting for its own survival, seeking its own pleasure and fulfillment, as though the entire universe is about nothing but this small creature.
If you did not know otherwise, you would expect a universal battle between innumerable forces, a cosmic traffic jam, a cacophony that should last less than a moment before all is destroyed in the havoc.
But you know otherwise.
You have been there as the sun veers further south each morning, the trees shed their summertime attire, the squirrels obsess over hoarding nuts and seeds—indeed, as the entire world turns about in majestic harmony.
And then the autumn winds bring the sleep of winter, winter awakes into the glorious eruption of spring, and the creatures of spring somehow all agree to slide gently into the heat of summer.
All about you the cycle of life plays again and again, the elements of planet Earth miraculously fine-tuned to the orbits of sun and moon, as the organisms that grow, scutter, swim and fly upon this earth dance elegantly to that tune.5
What makes this miracle possible? Something most inexplicable. Embedded within a world defined by diversity and change are universal constants, unchanging over time and space. And to their meter, all of life pulsates in harmony.Now that is astonishing. The eternal breathes within the temporal, the unchanging within constant change, infinity within the finite. How does this work?
It could only be with a power that transcends all such terms and definitions, neither being nor not-being, but the Creator of all that is transient and all that is constant, finite and infinite, of all the above. In this dance of life, heaven and earth join to touch G‑d.6
The Choice of Marriage
So our world tells its story at the intersection of two themes, and you choose where you wish to live—as yet another competitive organism fighting to survive, to win in a struggle over many other little lives,You can choose to live in that scattered world of the competing organism, or in the wondrousness of eternity. to avoid pain and to attain pleasure, to gasp a breath of air and then begin its journey to decay, as another spark that erupts to glow for a fleeting moment, only to darken, to fall and to perish into the dust.
Or to choose to dwell in the wondrousness of eternity, to join with another who is not you and dance within that circle of sun and earth, day and night, love and awe, summer, autumn, winter and spring again.
To bring yet more life into this world with the awesome power of the Infinite, as a new little person emerges the nothingness to join your circle-dance, and then another, and yet another, and from them others who will beget yet others.
You have risen to the eternal, “as the days of the heavens upon the earth.”7
At a marriage celebration, the kabbalists say, an infinite light descends into the world in an explosion of unbounded joy. From that light comes the power to create life without end.8
That is why marriage must be sanctified. Because only through that sanctification can this union rise beyond the desires and passions of temporal creatures, to enter into the cosmic eternity.
Marriage at the Center of Being
The mystery of marriage runs yet deeper; it lies on yet a higher plane—not only in the circle, but in the point around which that circle turns, and in the dynamo that turns it.
The marriage of man and woman is a reflection of the cosmic marriage.The marriage of man and woman is a reflection of the cosmic marriage.
As a circle is turned by the dynamic of opposite poles engaged in union by a higher force, so the universe is brought into being by its Creator through the union of opposites.
And a marriage, too, is sustained by the dynamics of those very same opposites.That is why marriage is not about finding one who is the same as you, or even one who is just right for you. Even if by some miracle this person were just right for you when you started, at some point the tectonic plates will shift, even so slightly, and the parts will no longer fit.
And who would want such a union of sameness—one that demands that you remain as you are, ever still, so as not to disturb the perfect-fittedness of this other? You are alive. Life is change. Life is forever being “not that”—ever-transcending, escaping that which you were a moment ago.
Rather, marriage is a union with one who is not you. It is in marriage that you learn to step beyond the cramped boundaries of defined being, to discover your true self that can be neither spoken or known—but only touched, deeply, by the other with whom you unite.
Marriage is the union that lies at the center of all life—the union of energy and matter, time and space, body and soul, heaven and earth, the eternal and the temporal, Creator and the created. It is the generator of life, of being, of existence.
In marriage, man and woman play G‑d. Indeed, when we were created, we were created in G‑d’s image, as it says, “In the image of G‑d, the human being was created”—and what is that image? “Male and female He created them.”9
That is the image of G‑d upon this earth: A man and a woman, two selves, two others, ever-becoming one. Nothing can be more transcendent.
Get married. Stay married. Become eternal.