Prayer Singles Who Are Wanting To Be Married
Why Christian Singles Are Marrying Later
We’re back with Francis Chan, who is kind enough to join us today and tomorrow. Francis and his wife Lisa are the authors of the new book, “You and Me Forever: Marriage in Light of Eternity.
” As you know, Francis, men and women are postponing marriage later and later — even among Christians in the church — but they still have the full intent of marriage.
What is this trend doing to the church and what is it doing to the institution of Christian marriage?
The Marriage Bed
I believe that at least 90 percent of those who are postponing marriage are already sleeping together, so they don’t see a big need to rush. There is no sense of “I want to get married to really consummate this.”
I mean, there is so much immorality in the church, and it is disgusting. People need to know that God hates that. Don’t fool yourself by saying, “We are going to get married anyway at some point. We are in love.”
I would respond by saying, “No, you don’t understand. You are a temple of the Holy Spirit. You are a member of Christ and you are joining yourself, basically, to a prostitute. You are entering into a union that God wants nothing to do with.”This is an immoral practice, and I believe there is more and more of that in the church. It is becoming more and more acceptable. It is still just as heinous in God’s eyes as it has always been. And so don’t fool yourself.
I really do believe that premarital sex is the main reason why people are okay to postpone marriage. Sexually people are exploring and messing around and dishonoring God.
It is destroying the church and its members in so many ways because now they feel guilty. They don’t feel they can be used by the Lord. And, honestly, because of their unrepentant heart, their prayers aren’t being answered.
That is probably not the answer you are looking for.
Ignoring the Mission
The other thing is that some of the postponing of marriage is because people are not seeing a lot of marriages they want to become .
Often you see these singles who are radically on fire for the Lord and serving him, and then they get married. Once people get married either they spend all of their days enjoying each other and neglecting the mission, or they start fighting with each other, and they are in counseling all the time and ignoring the mission.
It doesn’t seem really exciting to either idolize your family to the neglect of the mission, or to be in such a desperate state of just trying to get along that you are not really accomplishing anything for the kingdom. That is another reason.
I don’t want to make it all about immorality, although I do believe that we are not doing so well in the area of purity within the church.
Starting a Marriage and a Church
Talk more about marriage on mission and how old were you when you were married?
I was 26 and Lisa was 22. We were both virgins when we got married.
Two or three weeks into the marriage, I looked at her and I said, “I know we have never talked about this, but suddenly I feel God wants me to start a church.
And this would mean, if it is okay, you work and support us, if that is all right. Because I don’t want to take any money from the church. I don’t even know if anyone is going to show up.”
So that is how our marriage started: “Let’s gather some people in the home. Let’s start the church.” Eventually that became Cornerstone Church, and I ended up shepherding there for seventeen years.
Live as Though You Had None
How would you explain this conviction from Scripture?
I would start in 1 Corinthians 7 and explain from Scripture what Paul is saying about how marriage has the potential of distracting us from this undistracted devotion to the Lord. He tells the married couples, “Hey, those who are married, live as though you are not” (see 1 Corinthians 7:29).
What is he talking about there? Why would the apostle Paul who says, “Husbands, love your wives,” also say, “Hey, those who are married should live as though they are not.”
There is also another truth: there is something bigger than you just enjoying each other. The time is short, and that is why he says: “Those who are married, live as though you are not.” You know, it is just there is something bigger than the two of you.If you just spend your days enjoying each other, you are going to miss out on something greater. You also don’t want to set that example for your kids. It is also unbiblical.
Find other recent and popular Ask Pastor John episodes.
We need to have a frank discussion about marriage | Tauriq Moosa
Marriage, as most know it in western countries, is regarded as the end goal of a relationship between (usually) a man and woman, and it normally has some sort of religious component. Marriage is regarded as “sacred”. Weddings are planned that few really want to attend; pointless dresses are worn never to be seen again; awkward family photos are taken.
Being married supposedly conveys respectability. We regard it as “settling down”, indicative of stability. For some reason we even congratulate people who are already in a relationship for, basically, signing papers (or just changing statuses) and calling it an engagement. We spend unnecessarily large amounts on engagement and wedding rings.
Yet, with low marriage rates (the US marriage rate is the lowest it's been in a century) and high divorce rates, more single (by choice) parents (not to mention gay marriage), increasing numbers of people abandoning religious traditions as a whole, and people living happier lives because they only even consider marriage later, we should thoroughly reassess the importance of marriage.
Indeed, well-known people have already done so: Oprah Winfrey unashamedly remains unmarried to her life partner of 20 years; powerful Hollywood couple Brad Pitt and Angelina have children, adopted and biological, but remain unmarried. Many of those who live in public eye are unafraid of dismissing marriage as the end goal. They don't need a marriage certificate or label to be happy.
Thus, why get married at all?
Marriage myth 1: It's tradition
One response usually involves tradition, religion, family and/or culture. None of these is sufficient, however, for marriage – or any activity.
To act solely according to what families want would be not only archaic but immoral: just because someone wants something doesn't mean he should get it nor that his demand is right.
Parents who, for example, force their child into marriage are increasingly being regarded as committing a crime in westernised countries. Their mere desire doesn't make forced marriage right.
A parental desire doesn't have automatic moral soundness (let alone legality).
Love shouldn't be completely unconditional, but it also shouldn't be a gun to the throat. It is our lives, and compromises can usually – but not always – be reached.
Getting married for the sake of your religion also seems problematic: aside from those who are not religious, actions aren't right just because a religion demands them.
Marriage myth 2: It's a public declaration of love
The second argument you often hear is that marriage is a declaration of love. It's about “showing” we're settled, our partners are “off the market”, and we're in a position to build a family. Most of this, however, is a display for others. Plenty of monogamous couples maintain stable, healthy relationships without rings or certificates to “prove” loyalty.
Indeed, who are we trying to prove our love to? Our proof should be our treatment of each other: anything else is addition, not basis. There is more to be worried about if we need to “secure” someone, a raging animal, with a ring or certificate or other public stamp.
Furthermore, as high divorce rates show, being tied to one person doesn't work out for many, especially for the rest of our lives. Compromises can be made. Couples now swing, maintain open marriages, and so on. But this should only make us question why we're still devoted to the “one true love” ideal in the first place.
Marriage myth 3: Married couples make better parents
Of course, there's evidence to support the idea that married couples make better parents and families than, say, single parents. Some of this is because there hasn't been much research into alternative family structures, although that will ly change since trends are changing.
All that said, it's not marriage alone that gives couples magical parent powers: it's the stability of a home, a good relationship, a great support basis. Certificates and rings don't do that: mature, honest, good people do – for themselves and each other. And, further, the assumption that every adult or couple wants children is false.
Marriage myth 4: You get better legal and financial benefits
There's no denying this as perhaps the best of the terrible reasons for marriage. Married couples get certain legal and economic benefits we otherwise can't get.
The 1,138 benefits in the US alone are noteworthy, as many are all over the world. Social security, property, visitation rights, travel benefits and tax breaks. It's an express option on tax filing, health and travel (not exactly romantic.
The Book of Common Prayer should read: “Till taxes do us part”.)
Any marriage solely for tax benefits needs help. It doesn't tell us anything about the relationship itself, save that the couple want benefits from the state. It's not that much different from the infamous “green card” scenarios, where citizenship is obtained or a visa extended due to marrying a local. But this, too, undermines what many think marriage is – or should be.Further, we should question why only one kind of relationship is recognised: namely the monogamous kind. Monogamy should be an option, not mandatory, on any level – let alone the legal and financial.
You could argue that the state needs some way to recognise stability. If marriage is the only way, then perhaps the state and I can nod and wink as we pass each other our papers for our mutual benefit.
Similarly, this assumes the state should be involved in marriage at all, which itself requires serious consideration. If as adults we can decide how to spend the rest our lives, we can, on a case-by-case basis, say, draw up legal documents.
Then, as Edward Morrisey points out:
Those who choose to cohabit in non-traditional relationships have ample options for formalizing their arrangements through [this] private contract process, which government enforces but does not sanction. That leaves adults free to choose whatever sexual arrangements they desire outside of the actual prohibitions that are objectively applied to everyone. That is actual freedom and equality.
Thus, if possible, even for these important economic and legal reasons marriage appears unnecessary. In the UK, for example, people can draw up similar documents to those of married couples. There's no reason unmarried but cohabiting couples should be denied those rights earmarked solely for the married.
Why should anyone have to pass a government's arbitrary, and usually archaic, notion of what constitutes a stable relationship to obtain benefits? If much can be done from a legal and contractual side without marriage, then marriage loses all credibility.
The “sanctity” of marriage – whatever that really means – has long been undermined for conservatives by: high divorce rates, polyandry and polygamy, gay marriage, recognition that there's no “one” way marriage has always been, and so on. But, aside from these, we should wonder at marriage's necessity.
We want a society in which we're all treated equally adults. Marriage as the assumed end goal of social life creates a stigma on unmarried people who are viewed as, for example, less stable, meaning they're less ly to be able to adopt children – despite such people being as stable as married people.My point isn't eradication of marriage, but rethinking marriage's importance and assumptions.
This could help open all people up to different kinds of sexual and romantic interactions they might otherwise never experience – or, at the very least, increase tolerance, since society isn't rewarding only one kind of relationship.
It could help lessen stigma and actually treat all citizens – single, in relationships or otherwise – with respect. Marriage's benefits, of stability, legal ease and economic pay offs can still be met, without institutionalisation.
All this shouldn't deter fights for things gay marriage – indeed, that cause also is about undermining marriage assumptions and norms.
For myself, I can see no reason that sufficiently makes marriage, in general, a viable option worth wanting or supporting. I would much rather live in a society that had little interest in my relationship life, but protected me and everyone nevertheless.
It's not a black-and-white situation of total societal interest or disinterest. Keep marriage, if you so want, but it shouldn't hamper or restrict others from benefits or equal treatment, especially when there appears so little reason for having it.
“,”author”:null,”date_published”:”2014-01-04T12:00:00.000Z”,”lead_image_url”:”//i.guim.co.uk/img/static/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2012/12/20/1356012443567/Divorce-010.jpg?width=1200&height=630&quality=85&auto=format&fit=crop&overlay-align=bottom%2Cleft&overlay-width=100p&overlay-base64=L2ltZy9zdGF0aWMvb3ZlcmxheXMvdGctb3BpbmlvbnMucG5n&enable=upscale&s=3907cf5864a8cad4d613e199eb83d0bc”,”dek”:”The reasons people normally cite for getting hitched no longer make sense. We should be asking: why get married at all?
Why Does God Wait to Answer Prayer?
Why would God wait to answer our prayers? Wouldn’t we expect that since God is all-powerful that He would answer immediately? What is the purpose for God’s delaying our prayer requests?
Outside of God’s Will
One reason that God may not answer our prayers or that He waits is that we are asking for the wrong thing. We may be asking for something that is not in God’s will for our lives and we might be asking for selfish reasons.
James, the half-brother of Jesus wrote, “When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures”(James 4:3).
For example, if we ask for money and we are not already giving to our local church or we have not been helping the poor, why should God give us more money so that we might spend it on ourselves? Also, we might have the wrong motives in asking for something.If we ask for a better job, the job that we think would be better may actually be worse than the job we have now. God is sovereign and He knows what is best, and holds our best interests in mind for our future (Jer. 29:11).
In the Lord’s Prayer, we are to ask that His will be done on earth just as it is in heaven (Matt 6:10). We know that God’s will for believers is to grow in grace and knowledge, so we can ask for spiritual understanding of His Word just before we read the Bible.
There is confidence in praying when we know His will for out lives as it says in I John 5:14-15, “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.
And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.”
We must remember to pray with faith.
When we pray, we may have serious doubts about God’s ability or willingness to answer our prayer.
James 12:6-7 indicates that if we pray in doubt, God will not honor our requests saying, “But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.” God may be waiting for us to pray in real faith, in expectation of receiving an answer, or to see if we are serious enough to continue to pray for it.
Sin Stops Prayer From Being Answered
God will not answer the prayer of a believer if they are in a state of perpetual, unrepentant sin (I Pet. 3:12). Psalm 66:18 is clear that “If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened.
“ If we are obedient, He will hear our prayers (John 15:7) but if we are unforgiving, He will refuse our petitions before His altar (Matt. 18:35).
Matthew 5:24 is says that when we fail to forgive others, this is cause for a failed request for His help, “leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”
Prayer is Answered in God’s Timing
God also expects us to wait patiently on His perfect timing (Psalm 66:18). In Hebrews 10:36, “For you have need of patience, that, after you have done the will of God, you might receive the promise.
” The minor prophet, Habakkuk speaks for all of us when he grew impatient in waiting for God to answer his request in 1:2, “How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?” I can most certainly identify with Habakkuk in his sentiments.
Psalm 37 is a great Psalm to read when you are seeking the desires of your heart with the realization that it may take some time. Read these key verses from Psalm 37 on waiting:
7 “Rest before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not worry when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.“
25 “I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread.”
34 “Wait for the LORD and keep his way. He will exalt you to inherit the land; when the wicked are cut off, you will see it.”
Sometimes the desires of our heart take time. They do not happen overnight. God is most often at work when He appears to be the most silent.
Even though Daniel had to wait three weeks before his prayer was answered, God had actually answered his prayer that very day that he prayed.Don’t think that since God does not immediately reveal to you His answer, that He has not answered it and has not answered it right away.
Daniel had his prayer answered the very same day of his request but it took three weeks for God’s sovereign timing for it to reach him – and it did at exactly the right time, “Do not be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them”(10:12).
Stories of Waiting For Prayer To Be Answered
Don’t ever give up on praying. God shows us that persistence pays off in Luke 18:1-8, “Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said: “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought.
And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’ “For some time he refused.
But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care what people think, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me!’” And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says.
And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly.
However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?” The point of this parable is that if we continue steadfastly in prayer God will honor that persistence. Never give up on praying because God may be waiting to see if it is important enough to us to continue in prayer, day and night, day after day.
I heard the story of a faithful mother who had been praying for 28 years for her son to come to faith in Christ. Year after year her son was rebellious. He abused drugs, was in and jail, and showed no signs of ever knowing Christ.
The days and years dragged on with absolutely no indication that there was anything different in the man‘s life. Then one day, 28 years after his mother first prayed for him, this man came to a saving faith in Christ.Today this man, Terry Williams, uses his testimony to help other prison inmates find their way to a relationship with the only One Who can save: Jesus Christ.
What if this mother had given up? What if she decided it was not important enough to keep praying each and every day? What a difference this mother made in her steadfast prayers due to her undying love for her son. Today her son is making an eternal difference for others in prison. This was all due to prayer. Even though she had to wait
Another article you might be interested in:
Does God Answer The Prayers of Unbelievers?
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Why You Should Keep Hoping for Marriage
It wasn’t her words that caught me off guard. It was the way in which she said them. Resigned cheerfulness. “Well, I’m glad I won’t have children,” she said lightly, taking a sip of coffee. “Too many things in the world to worry about.
God knows I couldn’t handle it.”
My single friend’s admission that she had already given up on having children — at age 31 — surprised me.
As we talked more, I realized something: Sometimes it’s easier to embrace an unwanted outcome than to keep hoping for God to fulfill long-held desires.
Around that same time, another single friend told me, “It hurts to keep hoping. Part of me just wants to give up on marriage and get on with making my life as good as possible without a husband.” I think a lot of singles feel this way. What does it matter if I want to be married if that’s never going to happen? I might as well quit torturing myself by hoping for it.
Hope Is Not Lost
I was 30 when I met my husband and 31 when I got married. In retrospect, that doesn’t seem very old to marry. But at the time, it felt as if I had been waiting forever. Some of my friends are in their late 30s and 40s and still unmarried; I can only imagine the temptation to pack up shop and embrace “Plan B” — life without marriage.
Here’s the thing: Giving up on a godly desire (when God hasn’t obviously taken that desire from you) is a form of escapism.
Rather than sitting in the pain of unfulfilled longings — continuing to hope that God will come through for you — you take the less painful route of “choosing” the alternative. It’s a way of taking back control — a defense mechanism of sorts.
And though that illusion of control (who are we kidding here) can be comforting, it shortcuts the joys of giving God complete control of your life.
We were created for hope. Scripture abounds with verses that entreat the believer to be filled with hope (Romans 15:13 is one example). It’s the reason a multi-billion dollar advertising industry exists. What do commercials offer us? Hope. When we quit hoping for a God-given desire, we deny a piece of how God created us and rob Him of the opportunity to glorify himself by meeting our needs.
Psalm 37:4 has become a sort of anthem for singles. It says, “Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” To me, this verse always felt a little a spiritual performance test.Was I still single because I was not delighting in Him enough? But I don’t think that’s the point.
The point is that a relationship with God in which I feel delight in Him leads to godly desires within me, the kind He wants to satisfy.
Voices of Hope
As I asked singles (and those who married after a period of extended singleness) about the benefits of keeping hope alive, answers ranged from, “It simply feels better” to “I don’t want to have regrets later” to “It’s attractive to others.” A few responses stood out to me. Here are their stories:
Alex struggled with his singleness throughout his 20s, suffering a rocky three-year relationship followed by a broken engagement. After that, Alex says God began reshaping his heart.
“Marriage was no longer something I refused to let go of,” he says. “It was really more of something I was seeking to trust the Lord in.
I never lost the desire to be married; I just had a greater desire to accept what God had for me.”
At 32, Alex met and married Laura. Now with a 1 year old and another baby on the way, Alex is thankful he chose hope. “When we kill our desires, we are really saying that we don’t want to trust God in the day to day. Having a relationship with Him can be much harder than giving up hope because it requires vulnerability and trust … trust that He really can satisfy our deepest longings.”
In her early 50s, Jackie has had to wait a lot longer than anticipated for a spouse, but she still hopes for marriage. “I have been tempted to give up on the dream of getting married, especially as the decades tick on, but I hold on to hope because we serve a God who can do anything,” Jackie says. “His Word tells us ‘nothing is impossible’ with God. And I choose to believe it.
“As I’ve seen friend after friend get engaged, say ‘yes’ to the dress, and march down the aisle toward a brand new life, I’ve felt discouraged. But I hold on to the hope that God’s way is perfect, His timing is perfect, and He is totally in control. The One who loves me most, God Almighty, is sovereign, and He will bring it to pass if it’s His best will for me.”
Michelle, who is in her early 30s, feels ready for a spouse. “Culturally, I think we tend to go one of two directions: desperation or giving up,” she says. “But God is a God of hope, and to give up on hope just because we can’t see the next step is actually giving up faith.
“If we give up our hope in finding a partner, then we are ly going to quickly give up hope in other areas of our lives. Not losing hope is a spiritual discipline. I’ve also found that as I press on, my view of what marriage is about has developed into a more mature and selfless desire rather than simply not wanting to be alone.”
Ashley is a newlywed. “Being single into my 30s seemed one long string of disappointments,” she says. “So holding onto the hope that marriage was still possible and that God would provide a husband did not come easily. What did come easily was cynicism. To protect myself from disappointment, I turned the very real hurt of singleness into a joke or a sarcastic comment.
“But cynicism didn’t help the pain in my heart. And it certainly didn’t make me any more attractive to the guys in my life.
So as I entered my 30s, I made the conscious decision to remain hopeful and to fight for hope even if it meant I would be disappointed or might die still waiting for a spouse.
I knew it wouldn’t always be easy or fun, but my prayer was that God would give me the strength to remain hopeful.”
As I entered my 30s without a boyfriend in sight, I also chose hope. It was a daily decision.
I often reminded myself of Romans 5:5, which says, “And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
” I didn’t have to worry about appearing foolish as I hoped for marriage. Not only that, but I had a close, personal friend to help me: the Holy Spirit.
I have met older single women who are bitter and filled with regret over what might have been. I have also met single women of the same age — Jackie — who are filled with joy, peace and hope.
When I was a 20-something single, I already knew which kind of woman I wanted to be: the hopeful kind. This level of confidence in God’s goodness comes from trusting Him implicitly and giving Him control.
But at times it may feel the painful, all-night wrestling match Jacob had with God for a blessing (Genesis 32:22-32).
Alex points out another advantage to hoping in the midst of disappointment: “The pain of longing for what we desire should only push us to Christ and remind us of the ultimate glory of who He is and what we are promised in Him.”
That’s why hope is worth fighting for. And it’s a beautiful fight.
Copyright 2015 Suzanne Gosselin. All rights reserved.
4 Biblical Truths For Singles Who Desire To Be Married
Dear Single Ladies,
The Lord has put it on my heart to share these truths with you. I hope that it will be an encouragement to you and I hope that together we can renew our minds concerning marriage.
1. You shouldn’t be ashamed to desire marriage.
The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18
It can sometimes feel selfish to want to be married, but marriage is a blessing that God wants you to desire. Simply wanting to be in a relationship with physical benefits without the covenant is selfish, that is the way of our culture.
But God’s way raises the bar and calls us to be in true covenant. As we delight in the Lord, we will see his heart in the institution of marriage and truly desire it. In the beginning when God created the world, he said that everything was good except for the fact that Adam was alone.In today’s culture, when we are alone we try to fill that void with unequally yoked relationships, experiences and even careers, but when God saw that Adam was alone he gave him a wife.
If anyone ever tries to make you feel selfish for wanting marriage, gently remind them that it was God’s idea.
2. Satan wants to destroy your hope for marriage.
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy”. John 10:10
Satan is very subtle in his method for destroying your hope of marriage. He uses your friends, family and even church to keep your discouraged.
The first thing that usually happens if a woman even mentions that she desires marriage is that she is quickly redirected and told that she should not think about it and just focus on other things.
Many men who love the Lord are being attacked in their sexuality, careers, identity and finances and are not ready to seriously pursue marriage.
Satan wants to destroy our hope for marriage because he knows that when women have even an ounce of hope and faith that she will pray feverently and the prayers of the righteous availeth much.
Christian marriages produce Christian children who will spread the truth of God’s kingdom throughout the earth. Satan will do anything he can to stop that.
3. Being single doesn’t mean something is wrong with you.
You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you. Song of Song 4:7
Deep down women may believe that something is wrong with them and marriage becomes something that they have to earn or deserve.
One Saturday night, I cried out to the Lord because I had just accepted that my singleness was all my fault and that something was wrong with me.
After all, people always asked me why I was still single. People always felt the need to give me advice of what I needed to do if I wanted men to be interested.That Sunday a woman from my church who I’d rarely spoken to stopped me in the parking lot to tell me that God told her to tell me that “There was nothing wrong with me”. I was amazed that God not only heard my prayer but spoke His answer so powerfully to me.
There are so many educated, accomplished and kind women who love the Lord and are beautiful who are still single. There is nothing wrong with you.
4. If you want it, you should prepare for it.
“But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt” James 1:6
Single women often disguise their doubt as independence or even spirituality. One moment we say that we are believing God for a husband and the next moment we are saying that we don’t have time for that in our lives or that we are just too focused on God to even consider marriage.
When asking God for something, we must also do our part by preparing for it. We must make up our mind concerning marriage.
True belief is combined with action. Some women say that they are believing God for a husband but they are not preparing themselves to be a wife.
If you believe someone is coming to your house for dinner the corresponding action is to clean your guest bathroom, set the table, dust, etc.
Some of us say that we are believing God for a husband but our spiritual and emotional house is messy because we are not really preparing for him.
Ask yourself if your actions show that you truly believe God will answer your prayers for a husband.
Why Get Married? – Is marriage worth the sacrifice? – Marriage
Marriage has been getting a bad rap lately, and it’s entirely unjustified. Decades of studies on human wellbeing provide the same conclusions consistently: By every measure, marriage wins over staying single or living without ceremony with another individual.By every measure, marriage wins over staying single or living without ceremony with another individual.
Married people live longer, stay physically and mentally healthier, are kinder to each other, and are less ly to abuse one another. They experience less physical pain, feel more secure, make more money, retire with more assets, and are more ly to say they are happy with their lives than their cohorts who have stayed formal marriage or been divorced.
Similarly, the children of marriages are healthier, happier, smarter, safer, and contribute more to the rest of society.1
You may find it strange, but living with another individual without the ceremony provides almost none of those advantages. We are homo ritualis, creatures molded by ritual.2
Is Marriage Risky?
Yes, there are risks. Yes, there is commitment. There is no difference between these sacrifices and those we make today to get a solid education, or to retire in comfort.Yes, there are fights, tears and emotional turmoil. Yes, there are sacrifices.
But there is no difference between these sacrifices and those we make today to get a solid education, find a well-paying job, make long-term financial investments and prepare to retire in comfort. No difference, other than that the payoff is so much greater.
As for the risks: as with a home or a car, with proper maintenance and precipitous action those can all be greatly reduced.Yes, that’s hard work. Everything good is hard work. Good, healthy fun is also hard work. That’s what makes it good—because it’s something you achieved through your persevering, don’t-let-go-don’t-ever-let-go hard work.
So what have we done to marriage? What was wrong with it that we so easily threw it away? Why have so many otherwise intelligent people deliberately attacked and torn apart such a precious institution?
Truthfully, I can only see one cause. Society acts as an organism. When it feels it has lost its viability, it triggers its own demise.
The decline of marriage is the soulless, impotent non-culture of secularism shutting down its mechanisms of reproduction, atomizing into unconnected individuals, preparing the bed of its own extinction.
Without a sense of the transcendental, there is no oxygen left for life to breathe.
As Rabbi Jonathan Sacks put it, “Having children and raising them involves enormous sacrifice . . . religious people understand the concept of sacrifice . . . (but) throughout history, people in a secular, consumerist, individualist culture find it much harder to live by sacrifice.”3
To marry is to have faith in life. To believe that there is purpose to humankind, and eternal meaning to your own existence.4
Marriage on a Higher Plane
The truth is that marriage is much more than a commitment to life with another person.Marriage is a choice to live on a higher plane. It is a choice to live life on a higher plane.
Look at the world around you—a plethora of living beings and things, each traveling its own road in its own direction, each fighting for its own survival, seeking its own pleasure and fulfillment, as though the entire universe is about nothing but this small creature.
If you did not know otherwise, you would expect a universal battle between innumerable forces, a cosmic traffic jam, a cacophony that should last less than a moment before all is destroyed in the havoc.
But you know otherwise.You have been there as the sun veers further south each morning, the trees shed their summertime attire, the squirrels obsess over hoarding nuts and seeds—indeed, as the entire world turns about in majestic harmony.
And then the autumn winds bring the sleep of winter, winter awakes into the glorious eruption of spring, and the creatures of spring somehow all agree to slide gently into the heat of summer.
All about you the cycle of life plays again and again, the elements of planet Earth miraculously fine-tuned to the orbits of sun and moon, as the organisms that grow, scutter, swim and fly upon this earth dance elegantly to that tune.5
What makes this miracle possible? Something most inexplicable. Embedded within a world defined by diversity and change are universal constants, unchanging over time and space. And to their meter, all of life pulsates in harmony.
Now that is astonishing. The eternal breathes within the temporal, the unchanging within constant change, infinity within the finite. How does this work?
It could only be with a power that transcends all such terms and definitions, neither being nor not-being, but the Creator of all that is transient and all that is constant, finite and infinite, of all the above. In this dance of life, heaven and earth join to touch G‑d.6
The Choice of Marriage
So our world tells its story at the intersection of two themes, and you choose where you wish to live—as yet another competitive organism fighting to survive, to win in a struggle over many other little lives,You can choose to live in that scattered world of the competing organism, or in the wondrousness of eternity. to avoid pain and to attain pleasure, to gasp a breath of air and then begin its journey to decay, as another spark that erupts to glow for a fleeting moment, only to darken, to fall and to perish into the dust.
Or to choose to dwell in the wondrousness of eternity, to join with another who is not you and dance within that circle of sun and earth, day and night, love and awe, summer, autumn, winter and spring again.
To bring yet more life into this world with the awesome power of the Infinite, as a new little person emerges the nothingness to join your circle-dance, and then another, and yet another, and from them others who will beget yet others.
You have risen to the eternal, “as the days of the heavens upon the earth.”7At a marriage celebration, the kabbalists say, an infinite light descends into the world in an explosion of unbounded joy. From that light comes the power to create life without end.8
That is why marriage must be sanctified. Because only through that sanctification can this union rise beyond the desires and passions of temporal creatures, to enter into the cosmic eternity.
Marriage at the Center of Being
The mystery of marriage runs yet deeper; it lies on yet a higher plane—not only in the circle, but in the point around which that circle turns, and in the dynamo that turns it.
The marriage of man and woman is a reflection of the cosmic marriage.The marriage of man and woman is a reflection of the cosmic marriage.
As a circle is turned by the dynamic of opposite poles engaged in union by a higher force, so the universe is brought into being by its Creator through the union of opposites.
And a marriage, too, is sustained by the dynamics of those very same opposites.
That is why marriage is not about finding one who is the same as you, or even one who is just right for you. Even if by some miracle this person were just right for you when you started, at some point the tectonic plates will shift, even so slightly, and the parts will no longer fit.
And who would want such a union of sameness—one that demands that you remain as you are, ever still, so as not to disturb the perfect-fittedness of this other? You are alive. Life is change. Life is forever being “not that”—ever-transcending, escaping that which you were a moment ago.
Rather, marriage is a union with one who is not you. It is in marriage that you learn to step beyond the cramped boundaries of defined being, to discover your true self that can be neither spoken or known—but only touched, deeply, by the other with whom you unite.
Marriage is the union that lies at the center of all life—the union of energy and matter, time and space, body and soul, heaven and earth, the eternal and the temporal, Creator and the created. It is the generator of life, of being, of existence.In marriage, man and woman play G‑d. Indeed, when we were created, we were created in G‑d’s image, as it says, “In the image of G‑d, the human being was created”—and what is that image? “Male and female He created them.”9
That is the image of G‑d upon this earth: A man and a woman, two selves, two others, ever-becoming one. Nothing can be more transcendent.
Get married. Stay married. Become eternal.