Prayer Singles Who Are Wanting To Be Married
Why Am I Still Single? 7 Things To Consider If You’re Single And Don’t Want To Be
To: Todd Wagner (firstname.lastname@example.org)
I have question that I’ve been pondering and praying about for a long while now and wanted to know what your views and interpretations of the Bible concerning singleness are?
More specifically, I am a 36 year old single woman who desperately wants to have a life partner in a deeply devoted Christian husband and of course children. I’ve always wanted a big family as I’m an only child to older parents and have a very small family. I always pictured myself getting married and having children, but I question if it’s in the cards for me.
Now, I know that Paul had written about marriage and staying single if it’s at all possible in I Corinthians 7 and I do realize that as a single, I’m able to do many of the things that married people cannot. I have the capacity to put more of myself into service for the Lord, get closer to Him and that my ministry can be much more than if I had a husband and kids.
My question is this: If God has a plan for me NOT to get married, wouldn’t I be wired by Him in a way that being single doesn’t bother me? I heard it preached at my former church singles group that for a very few people…those not meant to be married, that God would instill in them the capacity to not be concerned with whether or not they will get married…that they wouldn’t long for it most of the population does. Do you think that is true? Is it true that if I weren’t meant to be married that God would sustain me and that I would have a peace about it?
I ask because I don’t have a peace about it. I’m also no spring chicken and wrestling with this matter a lot. On top of it all, I don’t think I’ve ever had past a 2nd date with a man. Am I meant to live my life single? Is this addressed in anymore detail within the Bible?
Your feedback concerning this matter would be greatly appreciated. I’m striving to get into the Word, to sit at the feet of Jesus and I know that He’s truly all that I need, but the want for a family can’t be shaken.
Thank you in advance for your counsel,
From: Todd Wagner
XXXXX,So encouraging to read your email and see you seeking understanding in this as we should in all things. I am sure you have already asked your community group their thoughts and what the Lord has already said to us about these things in His word. (if not I would beg you to stop reading here….see what y’all can come up with on your own and then take a peek at some of my thoughts.
Here are a couple of biblical truths I would share with you on this topic and additionally would love for y’all to meet with Cynthia Culver and let her share with you her own reflection on God’s word related to your question.
1. The Lord does not promise us a removal of all desires that He won’t fully satisfy on earth
He does promise us peace and joy as we abide with Him. Desiring to be married does not mean you will marry anymore that desiring to be healthy (or believing you will be healthy) does not mean you are going to get healthy. It doesn’t hurt, but it doesn’t guarantee.
There are plenty of people who want something God is perfectly okay with who will never receive it. There are plenty of married people that desire to not be married anymore or that desire to feel differently about their spouse that the Lord fully expects to stay right where they are loving, cherishing and honoring Him all the way to the end.
It is a mistake to think the Lord will take away our desires if they are not going to be satisfied.
(Matt 26:39, 2 Cor 12:7-9) It is TRUE and worthy of full acceptance to believe that while the Lord does not always take away desire He does give us the ability, as we abide in Him, to master our flesh, not be ruled by our feelings/desire and to live with joy, peace and fullness of life despite our circumstance. (Phil 4:19)
2. It is always wise to focus on heeding the admonition of Matthew 6:33
In other words, it is always wise to seek the Lord not a man/relationship/wife. You may have heard me say the first thing I tried to teach my little girls is to reject the lie that anyone or anything other than Jesus can satisfy you. Desiring a husband or wife is fine. Seeking one above our pursuit, satisfaction in or intimacy with the Savior is not.
3. There is nothing wrong with desiring to be married if you are single (or having the desire when you are married to periodically wish you were single.)
However, there is something terribly wrong with having our longing for a specific human circumstance/condition cripple our joy or effectiveness where we are. There are millions of people, single and married who long for something different.
What makes God’s people unique among the living is their “peace which passes understanding” (Phil 4:6-7), their ability to be content in every circumstance” (Phil 4:11), their steadfast peace (Isaiah 26:3), their strength to endure what others cannot (Ps 71, verses 1-9 specifically); their confidence that the Lord has not forgotten them and their ability to run and remain faithful when others are weary. (Isaiah 40:27-31). People who praise Him in the storm are heroes of the faith, a great glory to the Father and a source of wonder, light and potential salvation to others.
What else could we want?
It is not okay to believe our “hard” path gives us the right to surrender or become bitter. It is not okay to feel entitled. One of my favorite sayings is appropriate here, “Worry is believing God is not going to get it right, bitterness and despair is believing God got it wrong. Joy is believing God is sovereign, good, faithful and lovingly and intimately acquainted with your ways.”
It is okay to know that we live in a less then perfect world with less than perfect circumstances. It is not okay to quit fixing our hope on the King or to stop seeking satisfaction only in Him (Matt 6:32-34; 1 Tim 6:6-8).
5. God does not want us to travel on this journey with unmet desires, “needs”, bad health, or less then perfect circumstances alone
The enemy loves to mock us in our singleness, bad health, bad circumstance, bad marriage, bad boss, injustice, hunger, etc.. (Matt 4:1-3.) God loves to comfort us with His people (Hebrews 3:13, Gal 6:2, 1 Thess 5:14, Romans 12:10-15, Hebrews 10:24-25).
Share with trusted brothers and sisters your pains, hurts, fears and longings. Let them pray for you. Walk with others. Depend on the Lord AND all His means of grace for you. (Matt 26:36-39).
6. This one is delicate. Do you know why you are still single?
TRUE: Some people are single because that is just the way it is today.
ALSO TRUE: Some people are single for other reasons. Some have unrealistic expectations related to a suitable mate.
Note: The 4th person of the Trinity is not on Christian mingle…quit looking for him.
Note: That girl that was discipled by Mother Theresa and turned down the job Heidi Klum got because she had to keep training to defend her Cross fit title and finish her third rewrite of her Old Testament commentary/walkthrough is not at your church or eharmony and she would not be interested in you anyway even if she was, so come back to earth, take a selfie and join the rest of us.
Some people are single because they are not ready to be in a relationship. Part of the means of grace the Lord gives us is friends who tell us the truth.
(Proverbs 27:5-6) Do you know…I mean really know yourself? Are you needy? (that scares everyone) Are you awkward? (that is just awkward) Have you dealt with your hurts, habits, hang-ups? Any relationship is only as healthy as the least healthy person in it. You might be single because you need to be single.
Radically, relentlessly, daily, biblically deal with your pain, insecurity, anger, hopelessness and neediness. Some people are single and God’s grace is sufficient for them. Some people are single because God is gracious to others. Know which one you are. (Ps 139:23-24).
Pray for friends that will be as honest with you as Simon Cowell was to those who auditioned on American idol, pray for friends who are as gentle with you as a mother is to a nursing babe and pray for friends who persevere with you as much as father would trying to save the life of his child.
Pray you have these friends…especially ones Simon.
7. Lengthen your patience don’t lower your standards
A bad marriage is infinitely worse than your worst day as a single person. Till death do us part is a long time. (Prov 20:25; Eccl 5:1-2)
I know a lot of people who were sure they wanted/needed nothing more than to get married who quickly realized once married, how wrong they were.
If you want to be rash, impulsive, or move forward without knowledge then don’t be mad at God when you are married without joy. (Prov 19:2-3). Don’t marry anyone who is not already well married to Jesus.
If they are not faithful to Him, they won’t be faithful to you. (2 Cor 6:14)Praying for you and know I am full of admiration for you if you are one of the Lord’s servants who is seeking Him with all their heart and yet still single for reasons neither your community can figure out.
Why Does God Wait to Answer Prayer?
Why would God wait to answer our prayers? Wouldn’t we expect that since God is all-powerful that He would answer immediately? What is the purpose for God’s delaying our prayer requests?
Outside of God’s Will
One reason that God may not answer our prayers or that He waits is that we are asking for the wrong thing. We may be asking for something that is not in God’s will for our lives and we might be asking for selfish reasons.
James, the half-brother of Jesus wrote, “When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures”(James 4:3).
For example, if we ask for money and we are not already giving to our local church or we have not been helping the poor, why should God give us more money so that we might spend it on ourselves? Also, we might have the wrong motives in asking for something.
If we ask for a better job, the job that we think would be better may actually be worse than the job we have now. God is sovereign and He knows what is best, and holds our best interests in mind for our future (Jer. 29:11).
In the Lord’s Prayer, we are to ask that His will be done on earth just as it is in heaven (Matt 6:10). We know that God’s will for believers is to grow in grace and knowledge, so we can ask for spiritual understanding of His Word just before we read the Bible.
There is confidence in praying when we know His will for out lives as it says in I John 5:14-15, “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.
And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.”
We must remember to pray with faith.
When we pray, we may have serious doubts about God’s ability or willingness to answer our prayer.
James 12:6-7 indicates that if we pray in doubt, God will not honor our requests saying, “But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.” God may be waiting for us to pray in real faith, in expectation of receiving an answer, or to see if we are serious enough to continue to pray for it.
Sin Stops Prayer From Being Answered
God will not answer the prayer of a believer if they are in a state of perpetual, unrepentant sin (I Pet. 3:12). Psalm 66:18 is clear that “If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened.
“ If we are obedient, He will hear our prayers (John 15:7) but if we are unforgiving, He will refuse our petitions before His altar (Matt. 18:35).
Matthew 5:24 is says that when we fail to forgive others, this is cause for a failed request for His help, “leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”
Prayer is Answered in God’s Timing
God also expects us to wait patiently on His perfect timing (Psalm 66:18). In Hebrews 10:36, “For you have need of patience, that, after you have done the will of God, you might receive the promise.
” The minor prophet, Habakkuk speaks for all of us when he grew impatient in waiting for God to answer his request in 1:2, “How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?” I can most certainly identify with Habakkuk in his sentiments.
Psalm 37 is a great Psalm to read when you are seeking the desires of your heart with the realization that it may take some time. Read these key verses from Psalm 37 on waiting:
7 “Rest before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not worry when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.“25 “I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread.”
34 “Wait for the LORD and keep his way. He will exalt you to inherit the land; when the wicked are cut off, you will see it.”
Sometimes the desires of our heart take time. They do not happen overnight. God is most often at work when He appears to be the most silent.
Even though Daniel had to wait three weeks before his prayer was answered, God had actually answered his prayer that very day that he prayed.
Don’t think that since God does not immediately reveal to you His answer, that He has not answered it and has not answered it right away.
Daniel had his prayer answered the very same day of his request but it took three weeks for God’s sovereign timing for it to reach him – and it did at exactly the right time, “Do not be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them”(10:12).
Stories of Waiting For Prayer To Be Answered
Don’t ever give up on praying. God shows us that persistence pays off in Luke 18:1-8, “Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said: “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought.
And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’ “For some time he refused.
But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care what people think, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me!’” And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says.And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly.
However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?” The point of this parable is that if we continue steadfastly in prayer God will honor that persistence. Never give up on praying because God may be waiting to see if it is important enough to us to continue in prayer, day and night, day after day.
I heard the story of a faithful mother who had been praying for 28 years for her son to come to faith in Christ. Year after year her son was rebellious. He abused drugs, was in and jail, and showed no signs of ever knowing Christ.
The days and years dragged on with absolutely no indication that there was anything different in the man‘s life. Then one day, 28 years after his mother first prayed for him, this man came to a saving faith in Christ.
Today this man, Terry Williams, uses his testimony to help other prison inmates find their way to a relationship with the only One Who can save: Jesus Christ.
What if this mother had given up? What if she decided it was not important enough to keep praying each and every day? What a difference this mother made in her steadfast prayers due to her undying love for her son. Today her son is making an eternal difference for others in prison. This was all due to prayer. Even though she had to wait
Another article you might be interested in:
Does God Answer The Prayers of Unbelievers?
THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
Image: graur razvan ionut / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Would you to get the daily question in your messenger? Just click the button below to get started.
as: unanswered prayers, waiting, Why does God Wait to answer prayers
Share this post: SU | Reddit | Digg | |
Why Christian Singles Are Marrying Later
We’re back with Francis Chan, who is kind enough to join us today and tomorrow. Francis and his wife Lisa are the authors of the new book, “You and Me Forever: Marriage in Light of Eternity.
” As you know, Francis, men and women are postponing marriage later and later — even among Christians in the church — but they still have the full intent of marriage.
What is this trend doing to the church and what is it doing to the institution of Christian marriage?
The Marriage Bed
I believe that at least 90 percent of those who are postponing marriage are already sleeping together, so they don’t see a big need to rush. There is no sense of “I want to get married to really consummate this.”
I mean, there is so much immorality in the church, and it is disgusting. People need to know that God hates that. Don’t fool yourself by saying, “We are going to get married anyway at some point. We are in love.”
I would respond by saying, “No, you don’t understand. You are a temple of the Holy Spirit. You are a member of Christ and you are joining yourself, basically, to a prostitute. You are entering into a union that God wants nothing to do with.”This is an immoral practice, and I believe there is more and more of that in the church. It is becoming more and more acceptable. It is still just as heinous in God’s eyes as it has always been. And so don’t fool yourself.
I really do believe that premarital sex is the main reason why people are okay to postpone marriage. Sexually people are exploring and messing around and dishonoring God.
It is destroying the church and its members in so many ways because now they feel guilty. They don’t feel they can be used by the Lord. And, honestly, because of their unrepentant heart, their prayers aren’t being answered.
That is probably not the answer you are looking for.
Ignoring the Mission
The other thing is that some of the postponing of marriage is because people are not seeing a lot of marriages they want to become .
Often you see these singles who are radically on fire for the Lord and serving him, and then they get married. Once people get married either they spend all of their days enjoying each other and neglecting the mission, or they start fighting with each other, and they are in counseling all the time and ignoring the mission.
It doesn’t seem really exciting to either idolize your family to the neglect of the mission, or to be in such a desperate state of just trying to get along that you are not really accomplishing anything for the kingdom. That is another reason.
I don’t want to make it all about immorality, although I do believe that we are not doing so well in the area of purity within the church.
Starting a Marriage and a Church
Talk more about marriage on mission and how old were you when you were married?
I was 26 and Lisa was 22. We were both virgins when we got married.
Two or three weeks into the marriage, I looked at her and I said, “I know we have never talked about this, but suddenly I feel God wants me to start a church.
And this would mean, if it is okay, you work and support us, if that is all right. Because I don’t want to take any money from the church. I don’t even know if anyone is going to show up.”
So that is how our marriage started: “Let’s gather some people in the home. Let’s start the church.” Eventually that became Cornerstone Church, and I ended up shepherding there for seventeen years.
Live as Though You Had None
How would you explain this conviction from Scripture?
I would start in 1 Corinthians 7 and explain from Scripture what Paul is saying about how marriage has the potential of distracting us from this undistracted devotion to the Lord. He tells the married couples, “Hey, those who are married, live as though you are not” (see 1 Corinthians 7:29).
What is he talking about there? Why would the apostle Paul who says, “Husbands, love your wives,” also say, “Hey, those who are married should live as though they are not.”
There is also another truth: there is something bigger than you just enjoying each other. The time is short, and that is why he says: “Those who are married, live as though you are not.” You know, it is just there is something bigger than the two of you.If you just spend your days enjoying each other, you are going to miss out on something greater. You also don’t want to set that example for your kids. It is also unbiblical.
Find other recent and popular Ask Pastor John episodes.
We need to have a frank discussion about marriage | Tauriq Moosa
Marriage, as most know it in western countries, is regarded as the end goal of a relationship between (usually) a man and woman, and it normally has some sort of religious component. Marriage is regarded as “sacred”. Weddings are planned that few really want to attend; pointless dresses are worn never to be seen again; awkward family photos are taken.
Being married supposedly conveys respectability. We regard it as “settling down”, indicative of stability. For some reason we even congratulate people who are already in a relationship for, basically, signing papers (or just changing statuses) and calling it an engagement. We spend unnecessarily large amounts on engagement and wedding rings.
Yet, with low marriage rates (the US marriage rate is the lowest it's been in a century) and high divorce rates, more single (by choice) parents (not to mention gay marriage), increasing numbers of people abandoning religious traditions as a whole, and people living happier lives because they only even consider marriage later, we should thoroughly reassess the importance of marriage.
Indeed, well-known people have already done so: Oprah Winfrey unashamedly remains unmarried to her life partner of 20 years; powerful Hollywood couple Brad Pitt and Angelina have children, adopted and biological, but remain unmarried. Many of those who live in public eye are unafraid of dismissing marriage as the end goal. They don't need a marriage certificate or label to be happy.
Thus, why get married at all?
Marriage myth 1: It's tradition
One response usually involves tradition, religion, family and/or culture. None of these is sufficient, however, for marriage – or any activity.
To act solely according to what families want would be not only archaic but immoral: just because someone wants something doesn't mean he should get it nor that his demand is right.
Parents who, for example, force their child into marriage are increasingly being regarded as committing a crime in westernised countries. Their mere desire doesn't make forced marriage right.
A parental desire doesn't have automatic moral soundness (let alone legality).
Love shouldn't be completely unconditional, but it also shouldn't be a gun to the throat. It is our lives, and compromises can usually – but not always – be reached.
Getting married for the sake of your religion also seems problematic: aside from those who are not religious, actions aren't right just because a religion demands them.
Marriage myth 2: It's a public declaration of love
The second argument you often hear is that marriage is a declaration of love. It's about “showing” we're settled, our partners are “off the market”, and we're in a position to build a family. Most of this, however, is a display for others. Plenty of monogamous couples maintain stable, healthy relationships without rings or certificates to “prove” loyalty.
Indeed, who are we trying to prove our love to? Our proof should be our treatment of each other: anything else is addition, not basis. There is more to be worried about if we need to “secure” someone, a raging animal, with a ring or certificate or other public stamp.
Furthermore, as high divorce rates show, being tied to one person doesn't work out for many, especially for the rest of our lives. Compromises can be made. Couples now swing, maintain open marriages, and so on. But this should only make us question why we're still devoted to the “one true love” ideal in the first place.
Marriage myth 3: Married couples make better parents
Of course, there's evidence to support the idea that married couples make better parents and families than, say, single parents. Some of this is because there hasn't been much research into alternative family structures, although that will ly change since trends are changing.
All that said, it's not marriage alone that gives couples magical parent powers: it's the stability of a home, a good relationship, a great support basis. Certificates and rings don't do that: mature, honest, good people do – for themselves and each other. And, further, the assumption that every adult or couple wants children is false.
Marriage myth 4: You get better legal and financial benefits
There's no denying this as perhaps the best of the terrible reasons for marriage. Married couples get certain legal and economic benefits we otherwise can't get.
The 1,138 benefits in the US alone are noteworthy, as many are all over the world. Social security, property, visitation rights, travel benefits and tax breaks. It's an express option on tax filing, health and travel (not exactly romantic.
The Book of Common Prayer should read: “Till taxes do us part”.)
Any marriage solely for tax benefits needs help. It doesn't tell us anything about the relationship itself, save that the couple want benefits from the state. It's not that much different from the infamous “green card” scenarios, where citizenship is obtained or a visa extended due to marrying a local. But this, too, undermines what many think marriage is – or should be.Further, we should question why only one kind of relationship is recognised: namely the monogamous kind. Monogamy should be an option, not mandatory, on any level – let alone the legal and financial.
You could argue that the state needs some way to recognise stability. If marriage is the only way, then perhaps the state and I can nod and wink as we pass each other our papers for our mutual benefit.
Similarly, this assumes the state should be involved in marriage at all, which itself requires serious consideration. If as adults we can decide how to spend the rest our lives, we can, on a case-by-case basis, say, draw up legal documents.
Then, as Edward Morrisey points out:
Those who choose to cohabit in non-traditional relationships have ample options for formalizing their arrangements through [this] private contract process, which government enforces but does not sanction. That leaves adults free to choose whatever sexual arrangements they desire outside of the actual prohibitions that are objectively applied to everyone. That is actual freedom and equality.
Thus, if possible, even for these important economic and legal reasons marriage appears unnecessary. In the UK, for example, people can draw up similar documents to those of married couples. There's no reason unmarried but cohabiting couples should be denied those rights earmarked solely for the married.
Why should anyone have to pass a government's arbitrary, and usually archaic, notion of what constitutes a stable relationship to obtain benefits? If much can be done from a legal and contractual side without marriage, then marriage loses all credibility.
The “sanctity” of marriage – whatever that really means – has long been undermined for conservatives by: high divorce rates, polyandry and polygamy, gay marriage, recognition that there's no “one” way marriage has always been, and so on. But, aside from these, we should wonder at marriage's necessity.
We want a society in which we're all treated equally adults. Marriage as the assumed end goal of social life creates a stigma on unmarried people who are viewed as, for example, less stable, meaning they're less ly to be able to adopt children – despite such people being as stable as married people.My point isn't eradication of marriage, but rethinking marriage's importance and assumptions.
This could help open all people up to different kinds of sexual and romantic interactions they might otherwise never experience – or, at the very least, increase tolerance, since society isn't rewarding only one kind of relationship.
It could help lessen stigma and actually treat all citizens – single, in relationships or otherwise – with respect. Marriage's benefits, of stability, legal ease and economic pay offs can still be met, without institutionalisation.
All this shouldn't deter fights for things gay marriage – indeed, that cause also is about undermining marriage assumptions and norms.
For myself, I can see no reason that sufficiently makes marriage, in general, a viable option worth wanting or supporting. I would much rather live in a society that had little interest in my relationship life, but protected me and everyone nevertheless.
It's not a black-and-white situation of total societal interest or disinterest. Keep marriage, if you so want, but it shouldn't hamper or restrict others from benefits or equal treatment, especially when there appears so little reason for having it.
“,”author”:null,”date_published”:”2014-01-04T12:00:00.000Z”,”lead_image_url”:”//i.guim.co.uk/img/static/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2012/12/20/1356012443567/Divorce-010.jpg?width=1200&height=630&quality=85&auto=format&fit=crop&overlay-align=bottom%2Cleft&overlay-width=100p&overlay-base64=L2ltZy9zdGF0aWMvb3ZlcmxheXMvdGctb3BpbmlvbnMucG5n&enable=upscale&s=3907cf5864a8cad4d613e199eb83d0bc”,”dek”:”The reasons people normally cite for getting hitched no longer make sense. We should be asking: why get married at all?