Prayer Of A Husband Hurt Through Divorce
Jill Tavelman With Her Unsuccessful Married Life That Ended With A Costly Divorce; Revealed About Being Cheated On By Husband
Divorces are always hard but it becomes even harder when divorce alimony is required to be given, and for instance, there is the divorce of Robert Herjavec with Diana Plese which cost him about $263 million. However, Jill Tavelman has a different side of her married life. Jill Tavelman did have a costly divorce. Moreover, her husband cheated on her.
Jill Tavelman's Married Life:
Jill Tavelman was married to her husband, Genesis frontman Phil Collins in 1984. The couple welcomed their daughter, Lilly Collins on March 18, 1989, who grew up to become an actress.
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Jill was the second wife to Phil as he was previously married to Andrea Bertorelli but unfortunately, couldn’t be the last. The couple split in 1996, 12 years after being together as a married couple.
Jill Tavelman with her daughter Lily Collins and ex-husband Phil Collins at the Mirror Mirror Premiere (Source: eonline.com)
Surprisingly, Phil Collins used one of the cruelest ways of ending a relationship, i.e. break up through a FAX. The 65 years old singer sent Jill a FAX explaining how he felt about them and their future, along with Lily who was just five years at that time. However, after the divorce, Jill received a massive amount of $17 million for the divorce settlement.
When Phil sent the heartbreaking FAX to Jill, he was allegedly having an affair with a woman; for the second time. When Lilly Collins came up with a book ‘Unfiltered: No Shame, No Regrets, Just Me’, which excerpts her father’s memoir, 'Not Dead Yet,' she revealed Phil's cheat on her mother, i.e. Jill.
His first affair started in 1992, the time when Phil was performing in LA and met his childhood romance, Lavinia Lang. He wrote,
“Seeing her: time stops, then rattles backward, fast, dizzyingly, to teenage dreams. I am not thinking about my nearby wife, 3-year-old daughter and mother-in-law. I know that recounting this makes me sound a right shallow bastard. But I’m not that way. I’m very loyal. Very committed.”
Phil and Lavinia even came to a decision on leaving their partners but later Lavinia backed off from the plan in fear of losing her kids, and no reported harm was done to his relationship with his wife.
Heart-Breaking Split:- Peyton List Split, What Caused Boyfriend Cameron Monaghan Break Up?After that, Phil stayed faithful to her and her child, but that was until Phil met Orianne Cevey, who at that time, served as a translator in Geneva. He wrote,
“For the next couple of days, I’m a dog with two tails, but at the same time: I’m about to go to Paris. And in Paris, I’m due to meet my wife and our 5-year-old daughter, who are flying in from London.
What have I done? Well, I know what I’ve done. I’ve betrayed my wife and child. Again. And I’ve set sail for perilously uncharted waters. ‘Meet Phil Collins’ new mystery girlfriend. She’s young enough to be his daughter.
’ Ticks all the midlife crisis boxes.”
“I try to outline the way I feel about us, about the future. The most reliable and quickest way to get this letter to her is to fax rather than post it. So that’s what I do.”
Phil Collins with ex-wife Orianne Cevey in Switzerland in 2009. (Source: dailymail.co.uk)
Eventually, on the second time, Phil left his family allegedly leaving a breakup message on FAX and went on marrying Orianne in 1999, only to get divorced with her in 2008.
After three failed marriages, Phil started dating Dana Tyler, who works as a newsreader. Back in 2010, he had mentioned that he didn't want to get married for the fourth time as it meant a huge loss of fortune to Phil if the wedding resulted in divorce.
But looking at Phil's massive net worth of $260 million, a few millions shouldn't have been much of an issue to him.
Divorce Through FAX Rumored?
After a decade, Phil finally broke the silence and addressed that FAX was not the source through which he asked for a divorce to Jill. He said,
“[It] really hurt my career or my public persona, and it was an untruth… So, I just thought it would be an opportunity just to lay it all out, and if I say it didn’t happen, I’m trusting that people will believe me.”
Un her husband Phil Collins and daughter Lily, Jill Tavelman is not much of a famous personality and is only known for being the ex-wife of Phil and mother of Lily. She has not disclosed her date of birth, but according to sources, she currently ages 62.
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Any recent activities related to Jill Tavelman are currently undisclosed and so is her net worth.However, Jill once made the news for buying a house next door to her for $4 million more than the quoted price as she paid a sum of $12.
4 million to prevent the house from being torn down to make a mega-mansion. This purchase solely gives hints that Jill Tavelman has a net worth exceeding $10 million.
Jill – who currently owns and runs an antique store in West Hollywood, California – is not known to have dated any men after her divorce from Phil. However, she is close to her daughter Lily, who works as an actress and is famous for performing in movies To The Bone, Mirror Mirror, and Blindside.
Prayer of a Wife Who Has an Evil Husband
English: A Marriage or Husband and Wife tree. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
At long last!
Prayers this don’t make it into today’s prayer books. Now we figure that if we have an evil husband, God wants us to divorce them. Just if you’re attracted to the wrong sex, that means that God really has decided that same-sex marriage pleases Him.
It’s so common for people to think this way that it sounds incredibly rude and heartless to say: Actually, no, God doesn’t want you to divorce your husband just because he’s evil and you’re unhappy. The reason we think God is always nice and compassionate in such a way that we’re always given whatever we want?
Because we are in an idolatrous society, and we have turned to them instead of them turning to us. We also have become idolaters.
Even though God loves the fools who live in our society, they are still fools. It is not loving to tell fools that they aren’t fools.
You’re a fool if you think God wants you to get a divorce from your husband (or wife) just because they’re evil. He doesn’t want you to do that.
He wants you to pray for them and trust Him to help you instead of turning to the false gods of our society that cry out against the truth as “not compassionate.”
God is compassionate: “…Your dear Son Himself has given, and extends His gracious call; to His supper leads us all. And to this our soul’s salvation, witnesses Your Spirit, Lord/ In Your Sacraments and Word.
/ There He sends true consolation/ Giving us the gift of faith/ That we fear not hell nor death.
” “True consolation,” see; not the consoling sappy lies by which the dragon lulls you to hell, but the consolation of the Spirit who proclaims that Christ’s propitiatory death under God’s wrath is for sinners with no merit–including you.
But here is the prayer:
used with permission from Stifts- och landsbiblioteket i Skara
157. Prayer of a Wife with an Evil Husband
–Johann Quirsfeld, Archdeacon at Pirna (1642-1686). from his “Geistlicher Myrrhengarten”–“Spiritual Myrrh Garden.”
(Myrrh was an ointment which helped cure wounds; it was also used to preserve and embalm the dead. So the book is a ‘spiritual medicinal garden’ so to speak.)
Oh merciful God and Father, all-knowing Lord, You know my misery better than I can express it in words or lamenting or complaints. My spouse, whom at one time You gave to me, is sadly living in an indefensible way, and with him I carry a heavy cross in my house almost every day.
It is so severe that I don’t know what I should do in such a wretched and sad state of affairs, because Satan, hounding me, makes the holy estate of marriage with my wayward husband exceedingly bitter.
We cannot separate from one another, because we were joined by you in such a way that nothing but death alone can separate us.Now I turn myself to you, Lord my God. Without Your counsel and will, and without Your permission, nothing can happen. So I must consider this bad behavior of my spouse a cross made specially for me, for I admit that in other ways before You I have certainly been to blame. But still give me patience towards it.
Assist me to bear it with your fatherly hand, rich in love. Let us not forever live with each other in such disgust, but instead rule the heart of my spouse, that he would become different, and offer himself up as a pious Christian wife is entitled to expect and as is due her.
Govern the tormenting marriage-demon and other wicked mouths, through which my spouse would often be ensnared. Plant upright fear of God in his heart, and also honest, wholehearted love toward me, that by it we may from now on live in peace and unity with one another.
Grant us so to continue in our household affairs and daily bread, that we walk as obedient children according to Your commandments, and that we might be and remain the blessed of the Lord, here in time, and one day, there in eternity. Amen.
God Treats Us So That We Do Not Know What He Will Do With Us–Luther.
Thursday Morning Blessing: //deprofundisclamaviadtedomine.wordpress.com/2013/04/04/lutheran-prayer-treasury-thursday-morning-blessing/
A Husband’s Rejection Hurts!
When a husband is emotionally and physically unavailable to his wife she feels rejection, and rejection hurts! Guest blogger and biblical counselor Julie Ganschow counsels, speaks, and trains folks on heart change leading to life change. Here she helps wives discouraged by a husband’s rejection and gives helpful biblical advice. This post first appeared at Julie’s blog at BiblicalCounselingforWomen.org.
Also, feel free to download our rate-your-marriage quiz. Click here to get it.
I am aware there is a shockingly high percentage of Christian women who are discontent in their marriages because their husband is not emotionally or physically available to them. I have several cases in which the husband refuses to be intimate or give any physical affection to his wife. They live together friends.
This kind of marriage can leave an enormous gaping hole in the life of a woman who wants a biblical marriage. It creates a great deal of discontentment within her.
She doesn’t want a divorce, she doesn’t want to commit adultery; she wants her husband to love her! Most women won’t talk to anyone about their situation because it is too embarrassing to reveal their husband doesn’t want or desire her.
Rejection Leads to Depression and Anxiety
Often, the abandoned wife struggles with feelings of depression because she cannot change her situation. She cannot force her husband to love her! Her emotions are turned inward and over time she may be diagnosed with one of several anxiety disorders or depressive disorders. What I typically find is the women overeats for comfort or under-eats for control.
What do I say to that woman who is discontent for what appears to be a very good and biblical reason? Even in such terrible circumstances as these I must apply the same biblical solutions — I must teach her to look at her own heart.
She has to be willing to admit and repent of any self-pity she indulges in. It is hard to think about being alone in a loveless marriage because her husband does not emotionally connect with her anymore.Many women really struggle with being angry at their husband for rejecting them and their love. They are
confused and often tell me they cannot figure out what they have done or said to turn him away.
Because she cannot control her husband and make him love her again there are great feelings of hopelessness.
She is lonely and struggles with rejection, shame, and embarrassment. I have had a woman tell me when she attempted to seduce her husband he ridiculed her, laughed at her, and even told her to go put on some clothes! She was devastated. Through her tears she asked me if I knew what is wrong with her that he rejects her that way, that he is so cruel to her now.
other women in this situation, she is full of fear. She is anxious and worries about the reasons he rejects her. She’s always heard men are very sexually oriented, What is the reason he no longer desires her? Her imagination runs away concocting scenarios that are too horrible to dwell upon for long. If he is not interested in her then who is he interested in?
Biblical Solutions to Rejection
Every one of these are common feelings and reactions to being abandoned within marriage, and all must be addressed biblically in the counseling relationship. Gently and compassionately, we must help her discern what her own inner heart issues are, and teach her to see this problem through the lens of Scripture.
If you are biblically counseling a woman in such a situation, you will have to listen closely to what the counselee says to determine where her thoughts, beliefs, and desires are focused.
Is her heart focused on herself or on what God is doing in her as a result of this sad situation? You may need to challenge what she says, and always point her back towards Christ.
When her personal sin in the relationship is exposed, it must be worked through and repented of.
It is critical she understands that even this deep, deep sorrow and all of the aspects of her situation are under the sovereignty of God. As challenging as it will be, she needs to accept that she can become content in her marriage despite the sin of her husband.
Are you discontented in your marriage? Whether you face a husband’s rejection or other marital difficulty, biblical counselors at Biblical Counseling Center will listen to your heart, discern the problem, and walk with you toward God-honoring solutions. Check out our Marriage Challenge or simply contact us. God bless.
Do you or someone you know need counseling? We are passionate about helping hurting people. We provide Skype counseling for people across the country, and live counseling in 5 offices across the Chicagoland area. Get Help Today Are you interested in learning to counsel others? We believe that the Bible has the answers for a hurting world. We are passionate about training people and churches, through online courses and events, to help those in need. Learn More Today
7 Good Bible Verses To Help Cope With a Divorce
While divorce is shockingly prevalent in our generation—the pain, discouragement, and abandonment of it still hurts. Many people who are divorced didn’t plan for it or even expect it to ever come to their marriage.
In spite of the fact that God hates divorce, it happened in Moses’ day, Jesus’ day, and our day as well. As believers you must fall into the arms of Jesus Christ through the comfort of His word to cope with a divorce.
Allow these 7 good Bible verses to speak to your heart during this difficult season:
There is hope
“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God” (Psalm 42:5).
One of the first and most dominant emotions to struggle with in a divorce is utter hopelessness. You’ve made a covenant with God and your spouse in the midst of family and friends to never part—and yet here you are.
Discouragement is Satan’s main weapon against believers in this difficult time. However, there is hope and grace in Christ to make it through the pain of divorce.
Put your hope in God to take care of you spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
… in Christ all things are possible and you can move past divorce towards God’s purpose for your life.
There is peace
“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you” (Isaiah 26:3).
In the chaos and calamity of divorce, peace will often feel far away. Yet by trusting in the Lord rather than how you feel brings peace in the midst of stormy days.
When you wake up every day with your mind set on God’s goodness—He will get you through it with His perfect peace.
It’s not a one stop shop with peace, it’s an ongoing process of learning to trust in God’s faithfulness through unknown territories of life.
There is joy
“For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5).
It seems hard to believe that there can be joy through this devastating experience. Yet the Lord knows how to bring joy alive in your heart during this time.
Your strength to get through this divorce will be rooted in the joy that comes from the Holy Spirit.
While you can’t take away the experience and disappointment of a divorce, through Christ the sting of it will eventually diminish in His presence of joy.
There is comfort
“My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life” (Psalm 119:50).
In a divorce situation, loneliness can creep into your heart and mind.
Yet it is possible to be alone and not lonely for those who seek their comfort from the Lord and not the empty promises of the world.
The Lord has made many promises to those who love Him and He keeps every last one of them. Search for His promises in the Bible and cling to them all day and night to bring you the comfort you desire.
There is provision
“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19).
For many people divorce can bring financial disaster especially if you weren’t the breadwinner of the family. You could find yourself suddenly having to make major financial decisions in a short period of time.
These are days of seeking wisdom from God to lead you to the right people to help give direction with your finances and finding sustainable income.
The Lord promises to meet all your needs and to not forsake you nor your family.
There is justice
“For we know him who said, ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ and again, ‘The Lord will judge his people.’ It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God” (Hebrews 10:30-31).
There can be great pain for those whose divorce stemmed adultery. It’s difficult enough to figure out the needs of your family and your own personal needs; but to also struggle with the betrayal can be overwhelming.
Yet if you intend to seek revenge instead of trusting God to repay—you will only end up a bitter and disappointed person.
This is a time of casting all your cares on God in order to gain strength so you can forgive the adulterer.
There is a future
“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’” (Jeremiah 29:11).
Divorce will feel it’s the end of the world. In many ways, it is the end of a relationship and everything that was promised in it. Yet the Lord is above your divorce and is able to make all grace abound towards you to move forward in faith. Your future isn’t limited or restricted because of a divorce; rather through Christ you have a calling and purpose to fulfill in spite of it.
Coping in Christ
You may feel that you will never get through this divorce. However, in Christ all things are possible and you can move past it towards God’s purpose for your life.
The Lord will never leave nor forsake you in the season of suffering. He will make His presence known to you when you seek after Him with all your heart, soul, and mind.
You will move beyond just coping and begin to live victoriously in Christ.
Related reading for you: Bible Verses About Divorce
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Is drug abuse grounds for a Christian divorce?
I decided to follow my heart, experience, and understanding concerning this very difficult topic. There are many scriptures that support a wide variety of answers to this question, but as Christians, I suggest we must consider each scenario separately and spend much time in prayer to best evaluate the divorce question.
The short answer is: it depends.
God’s Intention for Marriage
Since God first instituted marriage in the Garden of Eden over six thousand years ago, I have to believe it is His intention that husband and wife live together until death.
Since God created marriage to be enjoyed by husband and wife, and it is His intention marriage be forever, this provides a sound basis to make every reasonable effort to achieve restoration and forgiveness in marriage before taking steps to dissolve a marriage through divorce.
However, the Bible does say that Moses allowed two reasons acceptable as conditions of divorce.
1. Sexual immorality (adultery)
2. Abandonment (physically leaving)
Adultery Defiles and Corrupts
Jesus taught that adultery defiles and corrupts the one flesh union (Matthew 19). It becomes very difficult to ever trust a spouse once the deception and corruption of the marriage has occurred.
Physical, Mental, Sexual Abuse
I believe God never intended physical, mental, or sexual abuse inside the marriage relationship. I’m sure He is saddened by the sin nature of all man, and His preference is that no man or woman mistreat another. However, to think that God intended a spouse to endure such abuse is not understanding the love of God. God’s judgment will be harsh on any of those who mistreat others.
Drug Abuse Can Defile and Corrupt
Drug abuse and physical and mental abuse in many cases appear to have very similar consequence as adultery.
Many times the family and marriage is in such chaotic disarray from these abuses that restoration is impossible (Having said that, I have seen some marriages restored after adultery, drug abuse, and physical and mental abuse. So it is possible to restore the marriage, but not often).
Don’t let your loved one suffer. 1-888-882-1456
Hardness of Heart
Jesus told the Pharisees the reason Moses agreed to divorce for his people was because of hardness of heart. Marriage is a union of two becoming one and should take on the ness of Christ and the Church.
If one partner is abusive toward the other, or to the children, steps must be taken for the protection of all involved.
Certainly, the abusive partner is not fulfilling their purpose of reflecting the image of Christ.
Free Will and God’s Will
God give us ‘free will’ and many people exercise their will against God’s directions and desires for their life. If a person chooses to leave and follow their addiction or mistreat their spouse and family, how can one be expected to expose themselves and family to the chaos that addiction and/or abuse brings.
Jesus Prohibited Divorce, but…
Jesus addressed the issue of divorce with the Pharisees in that he said he prohibits divorce for the many trivial reasons (other than sexual immorality) that were used so frequently in the first century, leading to widespread injustice, especially for women whose husbands suddenly divorced them and married another. Divorced women had to fend for themselves, which made it very hard for them to survive.
Sometimes you just have to move on
Being married to a wife who was previously married to a raging alcoholic, I have to say, “There is life after divorce.” My wife has served the Lord faithfully for many years and was able to rediscover the accepting love of Christ and move on with her life outside the chaos of her first husband’s addiction and abuse.
She stayed trapped in an abusive marriage thinking God would judge her forever. She exposed her daughter and self to physical and mental abuse for years because of a well intended person from her church who told her she must endure the abuse, because it was God’s will that she stay married.
Now, 28 years later, the abuse seems a faint memory from a long ago past.
One last thought
I have counseled thousands of children and wives who have stayed in abusive addictive relationships. Many are still struggling from the devastation caused by abusive fathers and husband. Anxiety and fear have ruled their lives and only after many sessions have they been healed from the abuse of the past.
I conclude that drug abuse may be sufficient grounds for a Christian Divorce.
What do you think? I would love your feedback and opinions.
The Power of a Praying Husband
“Your wife is an automobile.” That appears to be a strange statement to make, isn’t it? Yes, it is… but it’s also true. Your wife could be a person ( some automobiles) who requires high maintenance. Or perhaps she’s a low maintenance type of marriage partner.
She could be “efficient” and “dependable” or costly—a wife who needs a special amount of attention. But as author Stormie Omartian says, “She needs fuel to make her run smoothly” regardless. Your wife’s spirit needs “gas in her car.
” That’s where you come in as a praying husband.
She could be full right now with the “daily infilling of the Holy Spirit” and with infusions of your love. Or she could be running on empty, and need an extra dose of God’s infilling and your help. No matter what… as her husband, your wife needs you as her marriage partner to pray for her and to love her as God would have you. She needs for you to be her praying husband
To better understand what Stormie Omartian means when she compares your wife to an automobile, plus additional advice she has for you as a praying husband, please read:
• THE POWER OF A PRAYERFUL HUSBAND
You, as a Praying Husband
Stormie Omartian makes another comparison, as it pertains to you as her praying husband. She equates your marriage to be much a football game.
“You and your wife are a team.
And she wants the security of knowing that when things are tough and down to the wire—even when the enemy is already celebrating your demise and all appears to be lost—you have the faith to believe that up to the very last second everything can turn around.
She needs the assurance you have a play in your pocket that can take you down the field with the ball for a possible winning score. She wants you to trust that with God nothing is impossible. And because of that you will never give up hoping for the impossible to happen.”
To learn more, here’s another article to read. It has the same title but different content, which is important to read:
• THE POWER OF A PRAYERFUL HUSBAND
To help you further as a praying husband
The following is something that Stormie’s husband Michael Omartian has written on a husband praying for his wife. After that, you will find a link to a prayer outline, written by “Huz.” Plus, you will find a link to another written prayer, which you can use as an outline as a praying husband, praying on behalf of your wife.
Michael Omartian writes:
“Prayer requires forgetting your own agenda and letting God set the agenda. Many times prayer would focus my attention away from the need to see Stormie change, and become more accommodating to me, to instead change me to be more accommodating to her.
That’s scary stuff for the ego! But through prayer we have been able to make changes and work things out. Now we have been married for 28 years and I can’t imagine anyone else as my mate. But our problems only work themselves out when she and I join with God to solve them.
That threefold cord will not be easily broken.”
Below is a prayer that Michael has used, that you can too, joined with God in:
“Lord, I pray that You would establish in me and (wife’s name) bonds of love that cannot be broken. Show me how to love my wife in an ever-deepening way that she can clearly perceive. May we have mutual respect and admiration for each other so that we become and remain one another’s greatest friend, champion, and unwavering support.
“Where love has been diminished, lost, destroyed, or buried under hurt and disappointment, put it back in our hearts. Give us strength to hold on to the good in our marriage. Help us even in those times when one of us doesn’t feel love.
“Enable my wife and me to forgive each other quickly and completely. Specifically I lift up to You (name any area where forgiveness is needed). Help us to ‘be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving,’ the way You are to us (Ephesians 4:32).
“Teach us to overlook the faults and weaknesses of the other. Give us a sense of humor, especially as we deal with the hard issues of life.
“Unite us in faith, beliefs, standards of morality, and mutual trust. Help us to be of the same mind, to move together in harmony, and to quickly come to mutual agreements about our finances, our children, how we spend our time, and any other decisions that need to be made.
“Where we are in disagreement and this has caused strife, I pray You would draw us together on the issues. Adjust our perspectives to align with Yours. Make our communication open and honest so that we avoid misunderstandings.
“May we have the grace to be tolerant of each other’s faults and, at the same time, have the willingness to change. I pray that we will not live two separate lives, but will instead walk together as a team. Remind us to take time for one another so that our marriage will be a source of happiness, peace, and joy for us both.
“Lord, I pray that You would protect our marriage from anything that would destroy it. Take our lives anyone who would come between us or tempt us. Help us to immediately recognize and resist temptation when it presents itself.
“I pray that no other relationship either of us have, or have had in the past, will rob us of anything in our relationship now. Sever all unholy ties in both of our lives.
May there never be any adultery or divorce in our future to destroy what You, Lord, have put together. Help because it has developed a non-working part.
I pray that we will turn to You—the Designer—to fix it and get it operating the way it was intended.
“Teach us to seek each other’s well-being first, as You have commended in Your Word (1 Corinthians 10:24). We want to keep You at the center of our marriage and not expect from each other what only You can give.
“Where either of us have unrealistic expectations of the other, open our eyes to see it. May we never waver in our commitment and devotion to You and to one another, so that this marriage will become all You designed it to be.”
This prayer is found in the book, The Power of a Praying® Husband, written by Stormie Omartian and Michael Omartian. There are additional contributors such as Neil Anderson, Steven Curtis Chapman, Jack Hayford and others.It is published by Harvest House. “In 20 short, easy-to-read chapters, Stormie Omartian shares how you can intercede for your wife” in prayer.
You’ll also receive “advice and personal stories from well-know Christian men, prayer ideas and words from Scripture.”
– ALSO –
Below you will find additional prayers you can pray for your wife, located at other web site locations. Please click onto the links below to read:
• HOW TO PRAY FOR YOUR MARRIAGE — A User’s Guide
• PRAYER PORTIONS: Praying for Your Wife
• PRAYING FOR YOUR WIFE HEAD TO TOE
If you have additional tips you can share to help others, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.
The Prayer, and Divorce
In the middle of the verses pertaining to divorce, Allāh the Most High says:
حَافِظُوا عَلَى الصَّلَوَاتِ وَالصَّلَاةِ الْوُسْطَى وَقُومُوا لِلَّهِ قَانِتِينَ
Take care to do your prayers, especially the middle prayer, and stand before Allāh in devotion. (2:238)
I think that we have an indication here that there is a key connection between being careless with our prayers, and divorce.
That’s because the placement of verses in a sūrah is something set by Allāh and has not been left to human choice. Furthermore, the presence of a verse covering a certain subject A amongst other verses covering another subject B, indicates the importance of the specific subject A in the general context of things.
An example of this is His statement:
وَإِذَا سَأَلَكَ عِبَادِي عَنِّي فَإِنِّي قَرِيبٌ أُجِيبُ دَعْوَةَ الدَّاعِ إِذَا دَعَانِ
(O Prophet) If My servants ask you about Me, I am near. I respond to those who call Me. (2:186)
This verse comes right in the middle of the verses pertaining to fasting. Its indication? The recommendation to make du‘ā and that du‘ā is more ly to be accepted during fasting, or in the month of fasting. This is something many people are careless about when they fast.
wise, the prohibiting of interest in the statement of the Most High:
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لَا تَأْكُلُوا الرِّبَا أَضْعَافًا مُضَاعَفَةً
O you who believe, do not consume interest, doubled and redoubled. (3:130)
This appears in the middle of the verses pertaining to Jihād in Sūrat Āle-‘Imrān. Its indication? That it is an absolute must that one stays away from interest if one truly wants victory. Reflect on the subtlety of this point and how our own individual financial affairs affect the wider picture.
As you can see, this placing of a verse amongst others covering a different subject, is a Qur’ānic principle that one should always be aware of when reflecting upon the Book of Allāh.
And so, with respect to the prayer, Allāh jalla wa ‘alā commanded His Prophet (ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam):
وَأْمُرْ أَهْلَكَ بِالصَّلَاةِ وَاصْطَبِرْ عَلَيْهَا
Order your people to pray, and pray steadfastly yourself. (20:132)
This command occurs after Allāh ‘azza wa jall mentioned how the disbelievers have been given everything in this dunya to enjoy themselves with and how it’s actually a fitnah for them – a test and a trial.
Yet the prayer assists the slave to stave off the fitnah of this dunya and its associated trials. Reflect on the fact that the “dunya” and such matters are the cause of much marital discord between partners.
Allāh jalla wa ‘alā also told us that the prayer helps shun outrageous and unacceptable behavior (al-faḥshā’ and al-munkar), again two key common reasons for marital arguments.
Notice how the prayer purifies our nafs (best understood here as our inner-self or ego), and how the nafs then rises to the heavenly realm as a result of prayer.
And then notice how outrageous behavior or al-fawāḥish dirties our nafs and brings it down. Indeed, every time our nafs ascends to the higher realm, we become closer to one another, in love and unity.
And when our nafs falls, our differences only increase. Just as Allāh the Most High says:
اهْبِطُوا بَعْضُكُمْ لِبَعْضٍ عَدُوٌّ
“Get out, all of you! You are each other’s enemy.” (2:36)
See how Allāh compared the falling down and getting thrown Heaven (the hubūṭ, from the command اهْبِطُوا) to enmity? All this enmity originally came from the inner-self failing and indeed falling, due to sin: the sin of Iblīs was to not prostrate which is an action of the prayer, and the sin of Ādam (‘alayhis-salām) was to eat from the Tree, which is effectively succumbing to one’sdesires, something which the prayer is special treatment for, as Allāh the Most High says:
فَخَلَفَ مِنْ بَعْدِهِمْ خَلْفٌ أَضَاعُوا الصَّلَاةَ وَاتَّبَعُوا الشَّهَوَاتِ
But there came after them generations who neglected prayer and were driven by their own desires. (19:59)
So Allāh made the neglecting of prayer a reason to follow one’s base desires, or put another way: you will become enslaved to your own desires if you neglect the prayer.
Finally, when Allāh jalla wa ‘alā explained how the believing men and women support one another – “support” here including love and unity with one another – He again mentioned the prayer. This clearly indicates that when one protects and takes great care over their prayer, it will lead to love between the believers:
وَالْمُؤْمِنُونَ وَالْمُؤْمِنَاتُ بَعْضُهُمْ أَوْلِيَاءُ بَعْضٍ يَأْمُرُونَ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَيَنْهَوْنَ عَنِ الْمُنْكَرِ وَيُقِيمُونَ الصَّلَاةَ
The believers, both men and women, support each other; they order what is right and forbid what is wrong; they keep up the prayer. (9:71)
In summary, establishing the prayer properly will bring people closer to Allāh. It will stave off outrageous actions and unacceptable behavior, and so you will not hurt your partner.
It will create discipline and strengthen your resolve against your base desires so that you will not succumb to that which so many marriages fall prey to. It will allow their inner-selves to rise, and become closer to one another, making Shayṭan weak who encourages division and enmity.
This divine protection through the prayer will eventually increase the love and harmony between husband and wife, and the need for divorce will hopefully diminish by the Will of Allāh jalla wa ‘alā.
And Allāh knows best.